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October 17, 2002

Utility worker urinates on prized sports cards
Philadelphia Inquirer | Submitted by: djlotek
"This PGW employee defecated on my collection of 3,500 sports cards. I have collected these cards over many years and in some cases, I have donated these cards to children who are hospitalized. In addition, I have shown a videotape of the PGW employee defecating on my personal property to his supervisor."

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Kidney: $975 per pound
WebMD | Submitted by: Kickin Chick
"People who buy kidneys might tell themselves they have saved the donors from poverty. Goyal's team explodes this myth. An average of six years after selling their pound of flesh, three out of four donors were still in debt. Average family income dropped by one-third. Nearly nine of 10 donors had worsening health. Nearly eight in 10 said that they wouldn't advise anyone else to do what they did."

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Trade World Series tickets for your sperm
San Francisco Chronicle | Submitted by: Who's your daddy?
"a woman likely to acquire a pair of upper reserve tickets to the World Series says she's looking to trade the seats for healthy sperm. She's trying to get artificial inseminated and needs a sperm donor. She says frozen donor sperm from a reputable sperm bank costs $250-$350 a vial, and the insemination process requires two vials a month."

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IRS considers debt collectors
Wire Services | Submitted by: f00f
"The IRS has been circulating a detailed document asking some of the same firms that track down credit card deadbeats to help it design a plan for private collectors to go after taxpayers in an attempt to gather up what one recent study estimates might be as much as $50 billion of the total." But remember, taxes are voluntary!!

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Iraq and USA both lying about civilian deaths
Reno News & Review | Submitted by: optional
"I became a Desert Storm sightseer, complete with a botched guidebook entitled The Destruction, courtesy of Takliff, the head of the Iraqi Press Center. Its ink wet from the propaganda mill, The Destruction related the tale of Desert Storm according to Saddam Hussein. One chapter enumerated thousands of civilian structures destroyed, while another touted miraculously low civilian casualties. These numbers tallied so that two and two made three. Defying basic arithmetic, The Destruction claimed 8,243 civilian martyrs and injured."

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U.S. tries to write Canadian drug policy
CNN | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
"The changes being considered by Prime Minister Jean Chretien's government would make the penalty for getting caught with a joint similar to a traffic ticket... U.S. drug policy experts say decriminalizing marijuana in Canada will increase drug use in America and trafficking by organized crime elements on both sides of the border. Washington would respond with tighter border checks that could hinder trade crucial to the Canadian economy."

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Elevator to the Bottom of the Sea
Tech TV | Submitted by: zann
Oceanographers plan to build a research station at the bottom of the ocean with an elevator trafficking people from the surface to the ocean floor. "The lab would really serve just about anyone who has an interest in underwater life, say the Coopers. So, N'Sync's Lance Bass might find vacationing in an underwater lab just as exhilarating and accessible than an outer space adventure."

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Virgin Mary panties impounded by authorities
Wire Services | Submitted by: >>^..^<<
Authorities impounded a shipment of women's panties imprinted with an image of the Virgin Mary holding baby Jesus and plan to fine its owners for illegally selling goods with religious motifs... The panties represented "a breach of moral guidelines and a lack of proper respect for the Christian faith."

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Politics thicker than substance
Washington Post | Submitted by: I.P.T. Aitchsee
"The Bush administration's efforts to cut off funds for international terrorism are destined to fail until it confronts Saudi Arabia, whose leaders have tolerated some of its wealthy citizens raising millions of dollars a year for al Qaeda, according to a new report from an influential foreign policy organization."

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Plastic bags: Root of All Evil
Guardian | Submitted by: I.P. TeAitchsee
"The world has a big bag problem. Plastic bags are everywhere, billions and billions of them, and they are clogging up our land, our drains, our rivers, and our seas. When we are all dead and gone, they will still be out there, because they last, pretty much, for ever. Could a new brand of degradable plastic finally absolve us of 'bag guilt'?"

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Test drug free and you get a gold star!
East Bay Express | Submitted by: LucrezaBorgia
"[The plan] would ask all 1,200 Dublin High students to volunteer for drug testing. Students who pass would get a special patch, a five-pointed star, indicating they're drug-free. They could pin the star, which one administrator refers to as a "positive scarlet letter," to their lettermen jackets or trench coats. The marked students would be recognized at lunchtime rallies, and local businesses could join the program, tentatively called the Star Program, by offering discounts to the drug-free on goodies like cheeseburgers, CDs, and clothing." Oh, yay.

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True love is... a his-and-hers sex change
Tiscali World Online | Submitted by: Swinging Sue
"Both partners underwent successful sex-reassignment surgery. He became a her and she became a him at a clinic in the southern city of Szeged. But patients in the women's ward rioted after finding out about their new comrade, who had to be moved to the men's quarters."

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Ronald McDonald eats at Burger King
The Scotsman | Submitted by: optional
A ruling banned a commercial that featured Ronald eating at a BK, but in reality those events did happen: "The incident occurred when a new branch of Burger King opened up in Graz and a local McDonald’s franchisee, Anton Heeson, accepted the offer of a free meal from his rivals. He took along a fellow employee, dressed as Ronald McDonald, and was even pictured there insisting the two companies were not in a bun fight."

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Illegally registered voters rally to save strip club
Pioneer Press | Submitted by: Todd
"In a matter of days, the owner of a closed strip club in Coates had allegedly amassed enough illegal voter registrations, 94, to be exact, to oust the mayor and take over the small town government, according to authorities... Jake's owner Richard Jacobson had planned to rig the election in a bid to reopen his controversial business."

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Parents, kids brawl at youth football game
WKMG-TV 6 Orlando | Submitted by: Rio
Video shows a parent knocking out another parent with a single punch in a brawl after a youth football game in California. "The fight involving about 25 people occurred immediately after a Pacific Coast Youth Football League game at Pico Rivera Park in this suburb just east of Los Angeles on Saturday. Teams from Pico Rivera and nearby Downey had just played. Some parents complained there had been heavy drinking by adults during the game."

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Some people don't need acid
Houston Chronicle | Submitted by: thirdeyepryed
"Joanne Innis was about 5 years old when she asked her mother, 'How come if you and Aunt Pat are sisters, you're red and she's brown?' Innis associates words with the color of the first letter. Her question to her mother about her aunt Pat was because she saw the 'M' in 'mom' as red and the 'P' in her aunt's name as brown."

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The old demon in the chandelier trick
Globe and Mail | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"A professed faith healer who persuaded a superstitious mother to let him sleep with her daughter from the age of 10 until she was 16 to remove a curse has been convicted of sexual-abuse charges and jailed for 15 months... Mr. Llorenz, who claimed the girl would die on her 16th birthday without his "treatments," terrorized the child into submission by using fishing line to shake a chandelier in the dark, telling her it was a demon."

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Einhorn kaput
WCAU-TV 10 Philadelphia | Submitted by: Gelal
"According to court observers, Judge William J. Mazzola had several harsh things to say to Einhorn, calling him a selfish individual and a person who has no real redeeming social value. "You're the kind of guy who reads the first sentence in the book and the last sentence in the book and pretends you know just about everything in between. You put that book on the coffee table and then you pontificate to everybody," Mazzola said.

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Wrestler bites head off live rabbit
Wire Services | Submitted by: The Kung Fu Magician
"A performance-art wrestler and his roommate face animal abuse charges after the wrestler allegedly bit the head off of a live rabbit as a promotional stunt... Crockett said Olson, who was associated with a Portland organization called Portland Organic Wrestling, told him he had planned to bite the head off of a mouse at a pseudo-wrestling event and toss the body into the crowd but that promoters rejected the idea." Fucking promoters.

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