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October 15, 2002

Forty percent of Americans want to annex Canada
Canadian Television | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
"Sands said he was somewhat puzzled by the "high minority" of Americans who said Canada should be annexed. However, he speculated the responses were an indication of goodwill and welcome towards Canadians should the government ever decide on its own that it wants to join the United States.... "I doubt if the average American knows enough about Canada to make a reasoned assessment, what the pros and cons might be."

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Tall tale not so tall after all
Guardian | Submitted by: heptapod
"An eighteenth-century adventure story involving slavery on a desert island, violent death and escape became the literary sensation of its day and has been pronounced by experts since as exciting stuff but utter fiction." Article also has this great quote: "Today white people are suspected by locals of being head-hunters who want their brains to find cures for AIDS."

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The peek-a-boo crime
Mainichi Daily News | Submitted by: LucrezaBorgia
This peek-a-boo crime, and it is a criminal act, fellows, is so prevalent in Japan, there's a special name for it: "Panchira." "Pan" is short for panty, and "chira," is the Japanese word for getting a glance of something, such as in stealing a glimpse of underwear from a girl going up the stairs."

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Nasty Connecticutians
Hartford Courant | Submitted by: dax
Compared to this lot, you'll feel positively saintly: "Investigators have concluded that 13 year old Maryann Measles was kidnapped, gang-raped, wrapped in chains and thrown into a lake nearly five years ago by a group of young men and women who wanted her dead... For the women, who police believe helped hatch the murder plot, it appears to be a cold case of revenge against the teen for having sex with some of their boyfriends." They let their boyfriends gang rape this girl, as a bonus then?

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Former pirate nation combats pirate nations
New York Times | Submitted by: LucrezaBorgia
"The global debate over intellectual property rights: patents, copyrights and trademarks, is focused mainly on forward-looking industries like computer software, pharmaceuticals and biotechnology. But Americans can look back to this nation's 19th-century experience in book publishing, for example, to understand the developing world's viewpoint."

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Marine Mammal Center feeds shark
NBC 11 | Submitted by: Floater
"Officials at the Marine Mammal Center in Marin County are reviewing sea lion release guidelines after one or two of the mammals were attacked by sharks minutes after their release... A male, named Edog, was released first, followed by a female named Swissy, that was in the water for only a minute when a shark attacked and the sea lion was killed."

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USAF acknowledges beam weapon readiness
Aviation Week | Submitted by: Spookbabe
"Directed-energy technology is ready to be used as weaponry and, in a mature state, one device carried by an unmanned aircraft could attack each of 100 targets with 1,000 pulses of energy in a single sortie, says a former director of the U.S. Air Force's high-power microwave program."

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Iron Maiden is pushing tin
Guardian | Submitted by: Drole Noel
"He tells the story of a flight he was on when training with BA. "First trip, I'm all togged up with a BA uniform, hat and everything. We get off at Munich, I'm wandering down to the crew bus, and then making a beeline for me is an Iron Maiden fan in full regalia, T-shirt and everything, and I'm stood there going: 'Oh God.' And this guy comes straight up to me and he says [thick German accent] 'Hello? But I must know ...' and I'm going 'Yes, yes, yes ...'" Pause for storytelling effect. "'Is this the bus to Munich?'"

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Unicorn takes the stand
Philadelphia Inquirer | Submitted by: Penfold
Ira Einhorn finally took the stand Monday to defend himself against murder charges. Disappointingly enough, he didn't testify that his ex-girlfriend's body was stuffed in a trunk in his apartment by government agents who wanted to frame him because of his knowledge over "psychotronic" mind control devices, as he's claimed for the past 20-something years. The damn dirty hippie did, however, said he was responsible for the creation of Earth Day and the founding of the EPA. More to come when he faces cross-examination!

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Vancouver boasts haven for bums
Vancouver Sun | Submitted by: meatload
"Jim Leyden, a former homeless heroin crack cocaine addict turned activist, was one of three people who started the squat by breaking into Woodward's on Sept. 14. 'I never dreamt that four weeks later, there would still be 150 people camped out,' said Leyden. Squatters include the mentally ill, drug users, pregnant women, people with hepatitis, broken bones or infections. They're looking for a safe place to sleep, free food and coffee and perhaps some drugs or clean rigs."

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Out, damned spirit! Out!
Austin American-Statesman | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"'I would like to wave a magic wand and have this devil be exorcised from her, from her life and her soul, so that she can make clear decisions for herself and live an independent life and a joyful one,' Bush said on NBC's "Today" show. 'But I can't. She has to do it.'... Asked if he would rule out a future bid for the presidency, Bush said he was as likely to become a priest."

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Holy Bordello!
BBC | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
"The Vatican has condemned what it calls a smear campaign aimed at the Roman Catholic Church in Russia, citing recent reports about a brothel on church property in Moscow. A statement from papal spokesman Joaquin Navarro-Valls said that Franciscan friars in Moscow had let out a flat on church property to someone who, without their blessing, then used it as a brothel. The ensuing media coverage in both Russia and Italy showed people wearing "religious clothes" in "immoral poses", the Vatican said, and was part of "a despicable operation" to discredit the church."

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Eskimo fruit for pot
Juneau Empire | Submitted by: Lawrence of Moravia
"At the height of the berry heists, one resident put an ad on the local TV channel. "Please watch your freezers and porches," it said, according to village police officer Stephanie Paul. On Sept. 17, the great berry boosting came to a shocking end: Village police and Alaska State Troopers busted what they claim was a berries-for-pot swap." What's next? Heroin for blubber?

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Redheads require extra roofie
Fox News | Submitted by: Milk Bone
"Anesthesiologists have long grumbled that redheads can be a little harder to put under, but no one had ever studied if that was real or folklore, said Dr. Andrea Kurz of Washington University in St. Louis, who praised the new research. It's likely the first of many yet to be discovered genetic factors that will allow anesthesia to be fine tuned for increased safety, added Dr. James Cottrell, president of the anesthesiology society. "It's a very exciting area."

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Durga made them do it
Hindustan Times | Submitted by: Milk Bone
"Superstition claimed the life of a woman who was battered to death by her own kin, who said they were acting on the directions of goddess Durga, police said... Subsequently the family on Sunday (mahasthami day) battered her to death believing that she would soon come back to life."

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Dinosaur bird taunting Alaskans
Anchorage Daily News | Submitted by: Alaska Freegold
"A giant winged creature, like something out of Jurassic Park, has reportedly been sighted several times in Southwest Alaska in recent weeks. A Dillingham pilot says he spotted the creature while flying passengers to Manokotak last week. He calculated that its wingspan matched the length of a wing on his Cessna 207. That's about 14 feet."

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