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October 08, 2002

Soap star's life an even bigger soap opera
Sun | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
"In the biography Amanda admits she felt 'flattered' when, as a young actress, it was suggested that she could give sex lessons to the then teenage Prince Charles. She was approached as a ?woman of the world? who might initiate him. But the actress turned him down. She writes: 'I just had this awful image of the Queen saying to me at breakfast the next day, " So, Amanda, how was it?"

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Motherly Lioness adopts prey
Guardian | Submitted by: Curtis Zampf
Breakin' the law (of the Jungle): "Theories to explain the phenonemon abound: not having her own cubs, Kamuniak is lonely; she is colour-blind and short-sighted and thinks the calves are cubs; the oryx were too frail to flee, breaking the classic prey behaviour and confusing the hunter; Kamuniak wants to be a vegetarian; Kamuniak wants to be loved."

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Iran hanging stalled by heart attack
BBC | Submitted by: bdragon
"A convicted Iranian murderer has been spared from a public hanging after he suffered a heart attack when the noose was placed around his neck, newspapers reported. However, it is only a temporary reprieve. The Iranian daily, Qods, said that after Mohammad Hadi, 55, has recovered in hospital, the hanging would be carried out as planned under Islamic law."

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Pearls of the Orient
Mainichi Daily News | Submitted by: LucrezaBorgia
"As soon as I saw all the bumps on it, I felt sick and fled," she says. "It was a salaryman from a fairly famous company who I met at a matchmaking party. He was aroused and standing in the bathroom of the love hotel we'd gone to and said, 'I was a little bit small, so decided to get a silicon implant. I haven't got any weird disease, so you can rest easy.' I just looked at him and said, 'Sorry, I think it's suddenly become that time of the month,' and ran out of their at warp speed. I would never let something like that near me."

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Gravity-assisted waste disposal
News Corporation | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"Lau Seng Fatt, 63, was arrested after neighbours complained he was throwing things from his second floor kitchen window... Local media and government officials coined the term "killer litter" after a five year old girl was killed by a flower pot that plummeted from a balcony two years ago. Lau threw out two metal stools, a wooden stool, a clock, several beer bottles, a lamp, two plastic pails, several folding camp beds, an armchair and an urn."

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Sailors used Gov't plastic on hookers
Sarasota Herald-Tribune | Submitted by: Spookbabe
"Navy personnel used government credit cards to hire prostitutes at brothels, buy jewelry, gamble and attend New York Yankees and Los Angeles Lakers games in fraudulent purchases exceeding $200,000, congressional investigators have found."

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Gulf War Illness
Heather Wokusch | Submitted by: Mira
This is kind of a ranty column, but it raises a valid point that the number of casualties of the 1991 Gulf War were actually much higher than we normally consider See also the second link: "Since the end of the war, nearly 7,800 Desert Storm veterans have died, according to an April 2002 report from the Department of Veterans Affairs. And nearly 200,000, about 28 percent of all those who were deployed to the region, have filed claims with the VA for medical problems and compensation."

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Assassination is a four letter word
Newsday | Submitted by: Fat Bald Cocksucker
Another opinion piece. We don't like to post opinion pieces, but in this case we have the Press Secretary of the US advocating assassination. This guy (Ari Fleischer) can be a true idiot sometimes: "The cost of one bullet, if the Iraqi people take it on themselves, is substantially less than going to war." Fleischer needs to consider the fate of one of his predecessors: "It is Fleischer who really needs to watch what he says, or at least to do some homework about his job. He could start in 1981, when a man who stood in the exact place where Fleischer plies his trade today, Ronald Reagan's press secretary, Jim Brady, suffered permanent brain damage from an assassin's bullet aimed at his boss's head. Reagan recovered from the attempted assassination. Brady is still dealing with the cost of that one bullet."

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Russian tries to sell tons of Uranium abroad
Pravda | Submitted by: optional
"Today, a sensation from Siberia comes in. East-Siberian customs agents nabbed a Russian citizen attempting to transport over 27 tons of uranium abroad. The manís name, as well as the country to which he intended to take the uranium to, have not been released due to the on-going investigation. However,, if you look at a map of East Siberia, you will easily understand that the only possible destination could have been China. At the same time, it would not be correct to come to the conclustion that China was the final destination. After China, the Uranium could have been shipped anywhere."

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Palm Beach raccoons very angry
Go PBI Palm Beach | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"Joe McGrath paid little attention to a raccoon that ran under his Chevrolet El Camino until it lunged and bit his right hand, and then chased him to his townhouse, where he slammed the patio gate. "I kicked it in the mouth as hard as I could after I shook him off my hand, and I thought that was the end of it," McGrath said Monday. But the animal attacked again and a neighbor threw a telephone book at it, which the raccoon began tearing up."

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Giant Alka-Seltzer could power Canada for 40 years
National Post | Submitted by: Alaska Freegold
Found while Idiot fishing (that's the name of the fish): "The piece Mr. Dickens brought up, fizzing and frothing, might have weighed as much 2,700 kilograms before it evaporated. "They were very lucky," says Dr. Chapman of Mr. Dickens and his crew. "They're lucky they didn't get poisoned or seriously injured. It could have exploded or it could have suffocated them. "Because it was out in the open it wasn't that bad, but it must have been scary though. I mean this giant piece of Alka-Seltzer bubbling away right beside your boat. "Idiot fish don't have an air bladder," he explained."

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Cardboard tribute to chronic underachiever
Independent Online | Submitted by: Alaska Freegold
What a sad, boring town this must be: "After 50 years as a "soda jerk" selling drinks and ice cream, Richard Huckriede's importance is about to be enshrined. "He's kind of an icon in Greensburg," said Paula Davis, president of the town's historical society. Money is being raised for a life sized cardboard cutout of Huckriede's image for a soda fountain exhibit at the Kiowa County Museum."

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FDA says NO to to 1984 chips
Wired | Submitted by: NICOLE REITER
"The manufacturer insisted that the VeriChip would revolutionize the fields of security and health care by providing a tamper-proof form of identification. Privacy pundits, meanwhile, fretted over forcible chipping and biblical literalists warned that a microchip could be interpreted as the Mark of the Beast."

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Robot Toilet Smash Smash!
New York Times | Submitted by: Rashamon
"Toilet jet sprays, which sometimes confuse foreign visitors with disastrous results, are now in nearly half of Japanese homes, a rate higher than that of personal computers. To some, this is a sign of a nation gone perilously soft. They worry that the cosseted Japanese youths of the future, sitting dreamily on air conditioned thrones, will be no match for their squat toilet neighbors, the worker bees of industrial China or the spartan soldiers of North Korea. But in a country with the demographics of Florida, the real growth will be medical toilets linked to the Internet." Will they have improved download times?

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Protests not having the desired effect
Sheffield Today | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
"Protestors who picketed a sex shop in Barnsley have pulled out after a five month campaign, because they've proved good for business. But they insisted their vigil outside Direct Pleasures at Stairfoot was a success, despite admitting they had given the business a lot of publicity. The store, Barnsley's second sex shop, opened in April sparking protests from more than a dozen placard-waving adults and councillors."

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Christians cheat, too
Wire Services | Submitted by: SpecialK
"Gardner-Webb University has been embroiled in controversy ever since the school's president admitted he wrote a memo two years ago ordering a star basketball player's GPA to be calculated without an F he received for cheating, in, of all things, a religion class. Without the change, Carlos Webb would have been ineligible in 2000-01, the season Gardner-Webb won the National Christian College Athletic Association championship."

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Show us your (NASCAR) tits
ESPN | Submitted by: Gorg
"Four boys, each no older than 11 years old, made their way down a dirt road amid row after row of parked recreational vehicles. Their eyes were wide with excitement and their giggles filled the air. Wearing shorts and T-shirts, they could have been on their way to hook up with some buddies to play tag. Perhaps they were already on some secret mission their imaginative minds had conjured up... The infield at Talladega Superspeedway is a place where a businessman by day can let his grass skirt down before the big race. It wasn't until a beautiful woman walked nearby that the reason for their giddiness was revealed: Show us your tits they screamed in high-pitched unison."

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Spongebob might be gay
Wall Street Journal | Submitted by: Soylent
"Whether he's intended to be a gay character or not, that's the question people are asking," responded Mr. Kenny. Describing Squidward as a fussbudget who likes bubble bath and classical music, Mr. Kenny ultimately dodged the question. "It's never been addressed by us on the show," he said, adding with a wink that besides, "all the main characters are hiding horrible secrets of their own."

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