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October 04, 2002

Woman ripped out boyfriend's genital
Tennessean | Submitted by: anonymous
"A Nashville woman will spend almost three months in a Metro jail after pleading guilty to using her fingernails to rip off one of her boyfriend's testicles in an attack last year. The victim, Dennis Ross said in an interview that he plans to marry Oneal after she is released from custody. 'I love that girl'" What more can you say.

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Nasal spray arouses women
Observer | Submitted by: stan
"It is the seducer's ultimate dream: a potion that will turn a woman's cold indifference into warm sexual interest. Sound improbable? Not any more. Scientists last week revealed they had successfully tested a nasal spray, PT-141, that sent 'healthy, normal women' into states of high sexual arousal." Compare the name of the spray with that of WWII era patrol boats, for example Kennedy's PT-109.

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Jobless man stabs woman in order to be jailed
Mainichi Daily News | Submitted by: LucrezaBorgia
"A jobless man stabbed and seriously injured a woman at a major railway station here Thursday because he wanted to be jailed, police said... Earlier in the day, the man visited the Yodogawa ward office in Osaka and asked to be hospitalized because he is suffering from liver ailment."

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Alabama food stamp questions routed to India
Tuscaloosa News | Submitted by: JON BLAST
"Live in Alabama and have a problem with your food stamp benefits? Maybe someone in India can help... Food stamp recipients telephoning a state hotline are unknowingly being referred to a customer service center in India by an Arizona company that administers the federally funded program for the state."

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Jerry Falwell still a shithead
Wire Services | Submitted by: anonymous
The Rev. Jerry Falwell says "I think Muhammad was a terrorist" in an interview to be broadcast Sunday on the CBS program 60 Minutes... The conservative Baptist minister tells correspondent Bob Simon he has concluded from reading Muslim and non-Muslim writers that Islam's prophet "was a violent man, a man of war."

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Clearly, the perfect woman has a cock
Wire Services | Submitted by: effect
"Burt's idea of a '10' is a woman who can mend a fence, change a tire and stack hay bales. Those are just three of the tests for entrants in the 'Perfect Woman' contest Burt is organizing later this month at his bar in the southern New Zealand town of Wanaka, he said Tuesday."

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Banker axed as thousands see steamy email
Sun | Submitted by: Webmonkey
"Banking clerk Trevor Luxton, 22, wrote an explicit message describing how a girl performed oral sex on him as he watched football while his fiancee was away... Hundreds of thousands of internet users gasped and laughed as the email raced first round London and then flew off into global cyberspace."

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Jews upset at cemetery pot plantation
Independent Online | Submitted by: hornet
"A cannabis plantation in the Jewish cemetery in Warsaw was destroyed by police last month, the capital's Jewish community, which manages the site, said on Wednesday... Warsaw's Jewish community only found out about the matter when its representatives were summoned by police for questioning."

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Fun with grieving widows
Atlanta Journal-Constitution | Submitted by: lowbrow
"St. Louis Cardinals manager Tony La Russa was irate over a Phoenix area disc jockey who called Darryl Kile's widow and asked if she had a date for Thursday's playoff game... "We saw you on TV the other night, and you're very attractive. You're hot. Are you going to the game today?" When Kile said she would be there, Duran said, "Do you have a date?"

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Kids, kitties, and krap
Indianapolis Star | Submitted by: Broadway
"Investigators found three young children with feces stuck to their legs, arms and hands at their grandmother's Greenwood house. The youngest child was drinking from a bottle of spoiled milk... "And that bottle had bugs in it, too," Swearingen said. "And you could see the bugs crawling in the children's hair." Includes a photo of a gas-masked official with a cat.

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Hiring a housesitter? Think again
Las Vegas Mercury | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"The second type of hidden porn is that which couples hide from each other. These can be wholly innocuous (Polaroids of distant girlfriends tucked away in the old Army duffel bag) or deliciously intriguing (a cache of magazines chronicling a fetish as yet unmentioned and unexplored in the marital bed, and usually coated with a thin patina of sweaty shame and disgusted self loathing). While these are usually less satisfying visually, they offer the rich compensation of knowing you're a co-conspirator in a marriage's most primal betrayal. And nothing's better than that."

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Evil school bathroom strikes again
Brunei Online | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"According to one of the staff at the school, it was the second such incident in consecutive days involving the same set of students. And the place where it was alleged to have started, which is the students' washroom, was also the same. First a female student apparently ran out from the loo screaming and became unconscious. This, according to the school's staff, caused other nearby students to go berserk. They also screamed and were soon unconscious."

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Big Pussy Sings
NPR | Submitted by: Gorg
"The success of the HBO series The Sopranos punctuates America's fascination with the Mafia, or at least, with the Mafia mystique. Now, from the Calabria region of Italy, home of the 'Ndrangheta, the most secretive and elusive of the Italian Mafias, comes a CD collection of songs that glorify their violent code of honor."

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The Joy of Fat
International Herald Tribune | Submitted by: Crampon
"In the United States slimness may be an ideal, but many ethnic groups in this region hold festivals celebrating big women. In Niger many women take livestock feed or vitamins to bulk up. Among the Calabari people in southeastern Nigeria, fat has traditionally held a cherished place. Before their weddings, brides are sent to fattening farms. After weeks inside the fattening farms, the big brides are finally let out and paraded in the village square."

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Queen Unveils New Street Sign
Globe and Mail | Submitted by: The Beaver
"While visiting the Canadian capital city of Iqualuit, Her Royal Highness will perform many official duties including the unveiling of the city's first street sign. The good citizens of Iqualuit went all out for this event, apparently they even paved the street (but not all of it). The queen's press secretary confided that this is likely a first time a monarch has officiated over a street sign."

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Over 800,000 squatters can't be wrong
BBC | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"The smells leaps into the carriage. Wood fires, fried fish, excrement, rubbish; the rich stench of 800,000 people living in a ditch. Which is, basically, what the Kibera slum is. Six hundred acres of mud and filth, with a brown stream dribbling through the middle. You won't find it on your tourist map, or any other map. It's a squatters camp, an illegal, forgotten city: and at least one third of Nairobi lives here."

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Kill yourself in the forest
CNN | Submitted by: Rufferto
A young Indiana man posted his efforts to kill himself with drugs on a Web discussion board, sparking a flurry of sympathy and taunts before he was located and saved by police. Best line in article: "Kill yourself in the forest so you decompose. Really the way to go."

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IgNobel awards celebrate interspecies love
BBC | Submitted by: UFSassy
"Proving ostriches have an amorous interest in humans has won a British scientist an IgNobel. The prize, a spoof on the Nobel Prizes, was awarded at a ceremony in Boston, US. Nine other wacky research projects were also lauded, including the study that showed how to measure the surface area of an elephant and the paper that described how the froth on the top of a glass of beer collapses."

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Gov Bush's juicy details about Rilya's caregivers
Gainesville Sun | Submitted by: UFSassy
"Gov. Jeb Bush told a delegation of Panhandle lawmakers during a meeting that he had "some juicy details" about the sexual orientation of the caregivers of a missing Miami girl. "As (Pamela Graham) was being arrested, she told her co-workers, 'Tell my wife I've been arrested.' The wife is the grandmother, and the aunt is the husband," Bush explained, using his fingers to indicate quotation marks to emphasize the word "grandmother."... "Bet you don't get that in Pensacola," Bush told his guests."

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Crazed rooster attacks girl, EasyBake oven
Digital City | Submitted by: poisonedcatnip
"When they heard the screams, no one suspected the rooster. Dechardonae Gaines, 2, was toddling down the sidewalk Monday lugging her Easy Bake Oven when she became the victim in one of the weirder animal attack cases police can recall. "He was beating the crap out of her," said her mother, Lori Current, 27. "A freaking rooster, you know?"

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Drunk driver was blind
Sun | Submitted by: Crazy Quagga
"Michelle Hughes, 30, was three times the limit when she got behind the wheel. The student, who is registered blind and walks with a stick, collided with a parked car and then hit another vehicle head-on."

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Ventura: I ain't got time to vote
Minneapolis Star Tribune | Submitted by: cg3
"Voter participation and involvement in the political process have been central themes of Minnesota's shovel-headed, ex-wrestling governor Jesse Ventura. A previous report noted that he was a no-show a few weeks ago at the state's primary election on September 10. (Apparently because he was "too busy.") If Ventura's entries on a golf handicap Web site are to be believed, he found time to play golf that day."

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Europe: an open society for all
Haaretz Daily | Submitted by: anonymous
"Duisenberg-Bedier de Prairie, who openly supports the Palestinian cause, recently began a petition against Israeli military action against the Palestinians. The radio reporter asked her how many signatures she hoped to collect. After a brief pause, she replied: "Six million," and laughed."

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Suicide? in lynching capital of US
Springfield News-Leader | Submitted by: Agent_99
Writes the submitter: I believe that the last lynching in the U.S. happened in Springfield, MO in 1906, less than a mile away from where this unfortunate soul was found flapping in the breeze. One of my neighbors, a representative of the small black community in this city, told me last night that this man's family said that he would have never committed suicide. This could truly be a suicide, and what my neighbor told me could prove to false, but it kinda makes you think.

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Man jumps Great Wall on bicycle, dies
Wire Services | Submitted by: aard
Wang Jiaxiong attempted to jump the Great Wall on his bicycle and as a result has failed at life. But he left behind awesome photos.

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Bay Of Pigs in Silicon Valley
MSNBC | Submitted by: JackiZombi
"Dry weather has lured a herd of 400 pound wild pigs to the lush lawns of South San Jose. Each of the roughly 30 wild pigs is the size of a refrigerator turned on its side. Gardeners say they have given up on lawns because the hogs root around in the grass for bugs and worms... "This time of year these lawns are a big salad bowl."

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Cult claims clone kids coming along
Sydney Morning Herald | Submitted by: mistermagnet
The Rael cult (though not mentioned, they run Clonaid) at work: "We have viable pregnancies, that is to say three months or more," Brigitte Boisselier of Clonaid insists. No one knows how many, but 50 "host mothers" volunteered. The little tykes can anticipate physical deformities, immune system deficiencies and premature aging. Hooray!

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Law enforcement by robot
Fox News | Submitted by: Soylent
"The lists have not even been culled to eliminate items that should never have been included in the first place. While most of the works identified in Exhibit 1 appear to be songs featuring George Harrison, the notice also demands removal of a file labeled, in part, "John Lennon, Yoko Ono And George Harrison Interview.mp3." The notice further objects to a file entitled "Portrait of mrs. harrison Williams 1943.jpg." It even claims infringement by distribution of a file whose appalling title includes phrases such as "Nude Preteens and Young Teens Naked... Brian is 14 and Harrison is 8."

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