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October 03, 2002

The judges find 9/11 chocolatey delicious
Sydney Morning Herald | Submitted by: angie_au
Entered in the cake section, [the contest entry] depicts the September 11 terrorist attacks on New York's World Trade Centre. "It is an iconic image of our time. I think a fruit cake is perfect because people aren't expecting to see that when they are looking at cakes. I wasn't trying to be a smart arse... just trying to make people think."

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Planes collide during air safety event
Wire Services | Submitted by: Electtric Shaman
Irony in the air: "Two navy planes celebrating their squadron's safe flying record collided yesterday and crashed in a ball of fire, killing all 12 crewmen and three people on the ground. The accident was India's worst-ever air crash involving military aircraft."

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Tard beating caught by wireless snoops
Las Vegas Sun | Submitted by: reason
"Two foster parents were charged with brutally beating a 15 year old mentally disabled boy in their care after videotapes from their home were mistakenly captured by a neighbor and turned over to authorities... The camera's wireless signal got crossed with the signal from the neighbor's home security system, which then recorded what was occurring in the Barney home."

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Why four eyes can't get laid
New Scientist | Submitted by: Przem
"Most people who swapped to contact lenses reported increased self confidence, while 75 per cent of those who swapped to glasses reported feeling less confident. And "feelings of enhanced 'pulling power' and improved self confidence among contact lens wearers were translated into tangible results on the night."

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Feds want to use aerosolized valium for riot control
Al Martin Raw | Submitted by: FuttBuck
"Since the UN Commission makes no specific mention of it, the Department of Defense wants a specific ruling as to whether it can dispense to the Office of Homeland Security and other domestic law enforcement agencies (including US troops based on US soil) its new high potency Valium gas for use against US citizens for the purposes of riot control."

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Supermarket money giveaway ends poorly
Sydney Morning Herald | Submitted by: Dark Pa
Japanese supermarket decides to refund wrongly labelled meat on honour system, shells out 48 million yen before realizing it's being screwed. "It was when the store started to question their "customers" and request IDs that things got heated... "I don't want money any more," one indignant customer shouted. "All of you kneel down on the floor and apologise."

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Forced to support children that aren't yours
ABC News | Submitted by: kade
"When McCarthy, remarried with two other children, petitioned the courts for relief from his financial obligations, he discovered he had little recourse. The DNA test McCarthy paid for could not be presented in court. As far as the state of New Jersey was concerned, McCarthy still bore financial obligations to a child who was not his... 1999 study by the American Association of Blood Banks that found that in 30 percent of 280,000 blood tests performed to determine paternity, the man tested was not the biological father."

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The BYU version of dumb and dumber
Arizona Daily Wildcat | Submitted by: Omniphage
"Over the past three weeks, at least a dozen BYU students received oral injuries while eating super-frozen orange creamsicles supplied by BYU dining services. The frozen treats, transported in coolers packed with dry ice, were given out at various functions on campus including Fall Fling, accounting orientations and an engineering function."

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Scary Supermormon coverup
Phoenix New Times | Submitted by: LucrezaBorgia
"Arizona Attorney General Janet Napolitano's office is covering up information documenting extensive and ongoing criminal activity including rape, incest, assault, kidnapping, forced marriages of underage girls, weapons violations and welfare fraud that is rampant in the remote polygamous community of Colorado City... 'The community of 8,000 residents is in the control of a fundamentalist Mormon cult... that practices polygamy, engages in violence and subjugation of women and children, and is ruled by a prophet' whose sexual behavior (at least in the past) and predictions of apocalypse are similar to those of David Koresh of the Branch Davidians."

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Russian Army hazers pay the ultimate price
Wire Services | Submitted by: Dark Pa
"Officials at first blamed the usual suspects, rebels from nearby Chechnya. But then the investigation took a different tack. After a four day hunt involving thousands of police, privates Oleg Khismatulin and Nikolai Bozhkov were caught and confessed to killing their comrades in revenge for being hazed."

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Hollywood studios planting fake BBS posts
Calendar Live | Submitted by: Uncle Fucka
"Parry's movie site wasn't the only one being 'seeded' with fake fan messages. Brian Renner, a 17-year-old high school student who runs the site themovieinsider.com from his home in the Detroit suburbs, received identical postings for the films 'Undercover Brother' and 'Red Dragon'. When he ran a check on their IP addresses, they were the same as for the messages at Parry's site: Universal Pictures."

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Senatorial candidate turns into smurf
CNN | Submitted by: Anduril
"Montana's Libertarian candidate for Senate has turned blue from drinking a silver solution that he believed would protect him from disease. Stan Jones, a 63-year-old business consultant and part-time college instructor, said he started taking colloidal silver in 1999 for fear that Y2K disruptions might lead to a shortage of antibiotics."

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Non-blacks thrown out of racism conference
The Age | Submitted by: Ryan Stewart
OH THE IRONY: "Delegates at an international conference against racism cheered today as they voted to expel non-blacks, saying it was too traumatic to discuss slavery in front of them. "This is an African family occasion and therefore they should not be allowed to sit down and talk with us," said Garadina Gamba, a spokeswoman for the British delegation."

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Bum sues BumFight creators
Sydney Morning Herald | Submitted by: BungKnuckle
Seems "Rufus the Stunt Bum" has found himself a lawyer, (Probably a neighbor!) Rufus claims he was paid to hurt himself and beat up other bums for a video sold on the internet. He filed suit today against the filmmakers, who also face criminal charges.

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Proof of Iraq war is in the lotion
WKMG-TV 6 Orlando | Submitted by: jonsl
"A Daytona Beach suntan lotion manufacturer said Wednesday that a large order he recently received from the Department of Defense may mean America is headed for war, according to Local 6 News. Paul Burke, who is owner of Sun Fun Products, said that he got an requisition order Sept. 3, for 153,000 bottles of SPF 15 Native Tan sunscreen from the Department of Defense."

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Driver sets boss on fire over $28
Gazeta | Submitted by: Kirill B.
"A regional court in the central Russian city of Samara has passed sentence on a bus driver who killed his boss. Vyacheslav Ovcharenko poured a bucket of petrol over Gennady Pavlov and set him alight after the manager withheld 870 roubles (about $28) from the workmanís wages for a broken wrench."

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Allegations of Australian elite SAS war crimes
Melbourne Herald Sun | Submitted by: Vesney
"War crimes investigators have exhumed the bodies of militia in East Timor in a top-secret probe into allegations of torture and brutality by Australia's elite SAS. Forensic experts with the United Nation's serious crimes unit in Dili are awaiting instructions on conducting autopsies on the bodies of the two militia, killed near Suai in East Timor's far west in 1999."

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Stab proof underwear
The Scotsman | Submitted by: anonymous
"The underwear, which looks like thermal long johns, has a protective section which fits over the undershorts and is made from a knitted fabric, overlaid with armour plates made of a polymer called Hytrel."

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Teenager got knocked up TEN TIMES
Sky News | Submitted by: meatload
"Researchers investigating the sexual behaviour of teenage girls in London discovered one had been pregnant 10 times... The girl reportedly first fell pregnant at 12 and kept two of the babies, had three abortions and lost the other five through miscarriages."

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Thongs banned In Daytona Beach
WKMG-TV 6 Orlando | Submitted by: Rio
"A controversial ban targeting thongs in Daytona Beach, Fla., is now law and violators could face fines and even jail time for wearing skimpy clothing on city streets, according to Local 6 News. City Commissioners voted 6-1 for a new law that requires people to cover one third of their buttocks and one quarter of a woman's breast."

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Hermaphrodite polar bears mobilizing
Independent | Submitted by: anonymous
"In a separate study, female polar bears with both male and female sexual organs were discovered in 1997 on Norway's Svalbard archipelago, about 300 miles north of the Norwegian mainland. Researchers at the Norwegian Polar Institute now believe the deformity may be due to PCBs and other toxins."

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Weather: Cloudy with a chance of bukkake
Wichita Eagle | Submitted by: Penfold
"The service's Web site already lists Misty Dawn as the winner. Other finalists included Millie Bar, Gail Warner, Dorothy Gale, Penny Hail, April Storm, Wendy Storm, Windy Gale, June Breeze and Constance Storm. Fifteen people suggested Misty Dawn, Hayes said." The catch? Misty Rain is already the nom-de-fuck of a porn star who has appeared in such films as "A Cum Sucking Whore Named Vanessa Chase," "XXX Files: Lust in Space," "Anal Intruders 10," and (our favorite) "Butt-Banged Bicycle Babes". Cloudy with a chance of bukkake?

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World's funniest joke revealed
New Scientist | Submitted by: Ezra
Dispensing with the erudition, here is the joke: "A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice, says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"

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Iraq challenges Bush to a duel
Wichita Eagle | Submitted by: Penfold
Iraqi vice president Taha Yassin Ramadan suggested that George Bush and Saddam Hussein hold a duel to settle their differences. He offered that the duel could be held at a neutral site with UN Secretary-General Annan as the referee. He also suggested that he duel Dick Chaney. Does Iraq REALLY want its leader to duel with someone from Texas? Note also that Dubya now refers to Saddam as "the guy that tried to kill my Dad."

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Oh, the humanity
Guardian | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
"The new photographs are peculiarly upsetting. The prematurely aged, worry scarred face of a boy standing next to a urinal, framed by the unbuttoned belt of a man. The harrowed, surreally heavy eyes of a little girl sitting on a chair in a vest as a man strokes her hair." The best picture is the second link.

Read article... and This article...

Protest of school Satanic club a flop
San Mateo County Times | Submitted by: entsol
Followup from yesterday's story: "Police came to San Mateo High School Tuesday prepared to deal with a rally of parents protesting the school's backing of a club based on Satanism. But the officers milling around the school's performing arts center were left with nothing to do."

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Autodarwins surpass murder rate
CNN Europe | Submitted by: meatload
The World Health Organization has released a comprehensive report on how people are dying, and it turns out that people are killing themselves with greater frequency than they kill each other. One person worldwide, on average, commits suicide every 40 seconds, while one person is murdered every 60 seconds, according to the report.

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Monkey gangs target housewives
IRNA Iran | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"Gods in India's northeastern state of Assam have become terrors with a special liking for the fairer sex, putting human males into a quandary. Rampaging troops of monkeys, worshipped by Hindus as a one of the gods, have developed a fancy for women and girls; barging into homes in daylight and snatching away clothes and playing pranks. "Up to 20 monkeys roam around in my locality, entering homes during the daytime when most of the male folks are out on work."

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Lamers rule in Iowa
KTIV-TV 4 Sioux Falls | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"Parents in Le Mars, Iowa are getting a helping hand from the police department. It's a chance to test their kids for drugs. Officials are making home drug testing free to their community, through local donations... College student Jennifer Lammers said, "I don't think they should be doing it because they should trust their kids but I also think it's a good thing 'cause if they need to find out at least they have a chance and a way to do it."

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Another hell-bound pet owner
Shelby Star | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"Since Sgt. James Owens took over Rutherford County Animal Control last year, he says, 'This is the worst case of animal cruelty Iíve seen... The kitchen counter and sink were full of dishes and covered in animal feces. The entire floor of the residence was covered in animal urine and feces... An officer had to physically remove one rabbit that was stuck to the bottom of the cage where the cage had not been cleaned in so long,' said the report."

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Pooping at Altitude
CBS News | Submitted by: Crampon
"In the past four years, climbers have hauled 10 tons of their own waste off Mount Shasta as the park tries to avoid the sight, stench and health threat of human waste. The policies grew out of necessity as rangers found themselves dodging droppings late in summer as the snowpack receded. "People are essentially leaving time bombs in the snow. When it melts they're right at the surface... You would smell human waste later in the summer, or around the boulders you would find piles."

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Kitty poo used as learning tool
KCRA | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"Police who searched the home on a warrant Sunday found the younger boy confined to a 10-foot-by-12-foot room with no furniture, two cats, a litter box and piles of cat feces. Deputy Police Chief David Lutz said the boy's mother told him the child had been shut in the room for at least a week as punishment for misbehavior. He was forced to sleep on the feces covered floor and was served his meals there, Lutz said."

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Petal to the Metal on October 11
ZDNet | Submitted by: anonymous
Another lame video game publicity stunt: "A computer game company's offer to pay the speeding fines of all drivers as part of an advertising promotion for a new motor racing game has been branded irresponsible and dangerous by the government. Acclaim Entertainment said on Wednesday it would refund the fines of any driver caught by speed camera on 11 October to mark the launch of a new PlayStation 2 driving game "Burnout 2: Point of Impact".

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