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September 24, 2002

Not Liking Cops now punishable offense
Michigan Live | Submitted by: Meerkat
"Lori Blumke thought she was doing her civic duty last week when she told a judge her recent hard feelings toward police officers might taint her ability to serve as an impartial juror. She was stunned when David Buter, chief judge of Grand Rapids District Court, declined to excuse her from jury duty. Instead, he ordered her to perform 24 hours of community service."

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Flash: Detergent is NOT hummus
Reuters | Submitted by: Mark B
"The caregiver, who had worked for the old man for five years, told police he could not read the Hebrew writing on the detergent's container and served it up when the man asked for some hummus, a chickpea spread popular in the Middle East."

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U.S. sent Iraq wargerms in mid 1980's
Buffalo News | Submitted by: WINGNUT
"West Nile Virus, E. coli, anthrax and botulism were among the potentially fatal biological cultures that a U.S. company sent under U.S. Commerce Department licenses after 1985, when Ronald Reagan was president, according to the Senate testimony. The Commerce Department under the first Bush administration also authorized eight shipments of cultures that the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention later classified as having "biological warfare significance."

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Double-decker vice action
Sun | Submitted by: nick t
"It is unacceptable that a member of staff would behave in such a way. I apologise for any offence it may have caused. At the time, the bus was not in service and was travelling to the garage. Such behaviour is not representative of our workforce who conduct themselves in a professional manner at all times. The driver is no longer in our employment."

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Bicycle biddies terrorize streets of Tokyo
Mainichi Daily News | Submitted by: LucrezaBorgia
"Mama-chari are ubiquitous, particularly in Japan's crowded cities, where a bicycle is the fastest way to traverse short distances. But, the women's weekly notes, growing numbers of women are forming Mama-chari bosozoku, or bicycle gangs, where they remain on their treadlies while they shop, making life hell for other consumers looking to use sidewalk outlets."

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Double amputee killed by falling rock
Wire Services | Submitted by: temperlou
"Training to climb Mount Everest, the double amputee was struck and killed by a falling rock on Mount Rainier early Monday... Hommer lost his legs in an airplane crash on Mount McKinley in 1981. He and three passengers were trapped for five days by a winter storm. When it was over, two passengers were dead and Hommer lost the lower part of both legs to frostbite."

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Four African lions killed in Arkansas woods
Wire Services | Submitted by: Jonsl
"In the past week, four 600- to 800-pound African lions believed to have some connection to a nearby exotic animal farm have been killed near this central Arkansas town. And residents say the terror may not be over, because no one knows for sure whether more lions are on the loose."

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Stalin's legacy: $3 a month
Washington Post | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"Like perhaps thousands of Russians still alive today, Voldynskaya suffered less at Adolf Hitler's hands than at those of the Soviet Union's great dictator, Joseph Stalin. The KGB secret police executed her father in 1938, then arrested and imprisoned her mother in a work camp... Russia's redress for the horrors endured by Voldynskaya and others persecuted under Stalin is a $3 monthly stipend and certain discounts on rent and utilities."

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Pole shoved up dog's ass
Tucson Citizen | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"Authorities believe three teen-age boys may be responsible for the mutilation of a poodle found dying on the floor of his owners' Davis-Monthan Air Force Base home... The dog suffered severe injuries when a wooden pole was inserted into its rectum, said Det. Mike Duffey of the Pima County Sheriff's Department." But the best quote is: "This is a bad one because this type of event isn't like a neighbor getting drunk and shooting a dog." Is that really why this is a "bad one"?

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Grandma is a perv
Canoe | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"Frail and walking with a cane, the city senior appeared like many other grandparents in Calgary. But according to the Crown, one sinister reality sets her apart from most others - the woman with the cane has been molesting her three grandsons... "She had them come into her bedroom and told them to take their pants off," Jackson said, of the children's paternal grandmother. "She then fondled their (privates)."

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Nigeria studies clitoral circumcision
ABC News | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"Both cut and uncut women had sex equally frequently, and there was no significant difference between the two groups in their reports of early arousal during intercourse or orgasm during intercourse, according to the researchers. But the circumcised women were more likely to have pain in their lower abdomen, vaginal discharge and sores on the genitals."

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Puppies used for food at pound
Detroit Free Press | Submitted by: optional
"A Detroit Animal Control worker who cared for impounded strays and pets has been fired for feeding a litter of live, weeks-old puppies to a large snake, officials said Monday... "I can't fathom why anyone would do this," said Judith West, deputy director of the Detroit Health Department, which oversees the animal control facility on Jefferson near the Ambassador Bridge. She insisted it was an isolated incident." [Isn't using the puppies for food better than killing them outright and throwing the carcasses away?]

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Man stalks dead baby bombing victim
KOCO-TV 5 Oklahoma City | Submitted by: Mr. Ramon
"A temporary protective order was granted Wednesday to the mother of Oklahoma City bombing victim Baylee Almon against a man she said is obsessed with her daughter... The 1-year-old bombing victim was recognized worldwide after being photographed in firefighter Chris Fields' arms following the April 1995 Oklahoma City bombing.... He bought a cemetery plot a few spaces away from Baylee's grave, Aren Kok said. "I thought when I died, I'd keep her company," he wrote on his message board."

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Mr Blossomtime guilty of sexual misconduct
WNDU-TV 16 South Bend | Submitted by: losthope
With photo of "Mr. Blossomtime" wearing his crown. Yeah, Sure, he doesn't look like a child molester: "A well-liked Paw Paw teenager pleaded guilty today to sexual misconduct with a five-year-old girl. According to contest managers, only a well-rounded person is selected from 48 contestants as "Mr. Blossomtime". Blossomtime Director, Gretchen Gilmore was shocked when Pyard resigned last month, about the same time he was arrested and jailed on charges that he sexually assaulted a five-year-old acquaintance."

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Art Photography Considered Harmful
Capitalism Magazine | Submitted by: f00f
"Three weeks ago, Lee was setting up his camera to photograph Discus Thrower, by Costas Dimitriadis, a sculpture installed in 1926 on Randall's Island at the Eastern end of New York's Triborough Bridge. As he was taking the first shot, Lee heard a stern voice commanding him to "Stand away from the camera"-- in the same tone that a bank robber would be instructed to put down his weapon and come out with his hands up. New York City transportation police then detained him for 45 minutes while they ran his name through the FBI database."

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The truth about the Taliban and the pipeline
City Paper | Submitted by: Crazy Quagga
There simply aren't enough good articles like this one. "September 11 served as a convenient excuse for a war designed to install a friendly Afghan regime to safeguard a trans-Afghan pipeline. To believe otherwise is to discard the way the war campaign was marketed, justified and executed."

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Gator bites off arm of Kanapaha exec
Gainesville Sun | Submitted by: Jonsl
"Don Goodman was walking in the lower pond of the water lily garden at 4700 SW 58th Drive when the alligator bit his arm off from just below his elbow... said he fired about 10 shots at the alligator but missed as the gator slipped back underneath the water... [uhh great shot sir]... Trappers harpooned the male alligator and brought it up on the bank, Duncan said. Authorities shot the alligator and slit his stomach open, finding Goodman's arm inside."

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Luscious Libertarian Ladies
Libertarian Party | Submitted by: Crazy Quagga
"They are the 12 Libertarian women, six of whom are seeking public office this November, posing in lingerie and other skimpy attire in the new North Carolina Ladies of Liberty calendar." The photo caption of hottie candidate Rachel Mills is priceless.

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New East Timorese language: Finnish
Helsingen Sanomat | Submitted by: f00f
"The original East Timorese language, Tetum, has a fairly primitive grammar and thanks to eight or nine different tribal dialects, even this language does not unite the population. The language question surfaced when East Timor, together with the United Nations and the World Bank, started rebuilding the country's educational infrastructure. What would be the language of tutoring? Which language would be suitable for the schoolbooks?... The evaluation team, which consisted of local teachers, finally came down in favour of the Finnish book series."

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Elderly sex too hot for South Korean film board
BBC | Submitted by: Rev. Soror Lucy Cannon
A South Korean film that garnered kudos at the Cannes festival has run afoul of that country's Media Rating Board (film censors) because of a 7-minute sex scene between its septuagenarian stars. Seven minutes may or may not be that much for real-life sex, but on film it's an eternity.

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Teen ignites own shorts repeatedly
Daily Herald | Submitted by: Soylent
"The 16-year-old Roselle boy and two friends, a Roselle 16-year-old and an Elgin 15-year-old, smeared their shorts with gasoline around 10 p.m. Saturday and took turns lighting each other in the back yard of an Elgin home, Elgin police said. Then they would drop down to the ground, roll and attempt to extinguish themselves, Elgin police said."

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Canada welcomes terrorists
Vancouver Sun | Submitted by: Alaska Freegold
"If you wanted to get anything into Canada from the west side, this is the port to do it," said former assistant harbourmaster Andy Suddes. Suddes cited the lack of radar surveillance along the north coast, combined with decreased patrolling of the harbour by the Canadian Coast Guard, RCMP, Canada Customs and Port of Prince Rupert, as reasons for concern."

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Driver kills woman so jealous husband won't have to
Indianapolis Star | Submitted by: The Poster That Dares Not Speak Its Name
Police ruled that a seizure caused a 22-year-old driver to crash his Ford Expedition into a Whiteland, Indiana motel, killing a woman and injuring her companion. Technically, her "companion" at the Wishing Well Motel was her brother-in-law, and they had checked in 90 minutes before the crash occurred. "It's a tough situation for the family," a sheriff's deputy said, in a classic understatement.

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Millitary computers detect diarrhea
Wire Services | Submitted by: Bog
"Dr. Pavlin called out there and said 'You have a problem with diarrhea'," Lewis told a seminar sponsored by the American Medical Association. "They said, 'No we don't; go away'". his went on for three days until finally the doctors at the depot recognized the outbreak. "They asked us 'How did you know?"'

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