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September 21, 2002

Hazy at the Bat
Newsday | Submitted by: Meerkat
"According to one friend of some Mets players, marijuana has allegedy been mailed into Shea Stadium inside a jar of peanut butter and at least one Met regularly smokes marijuana in the players' parking lot. The same source also said that a number of Mets players have been known to share a marijuana filled limousine ride rather than taking the team bus from one city to another while on the road."

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Anal party injuries impact TV star's contract
Sky News | Submitted by: cat
A party guest at Michael Barrymore's (voted 'Britain's favourite TV star') house is found face down in Barrymore's pool with cocaine and other drugs in his system and 'severe anal injuries'. Despite this the police still don't know what caused the party goer's death. Best guess: it wasn't from natural causes.

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Jackie Chan and the 7 Dwarfs?
Sentinel | Submitted by: Crazy Quagga
Since Disney sold it's soul to Satan (a.k.a. Michael Eisner), a stream of unbelievably bad remakes and direct to video releases have sent the once proud entertainment company into the depths of depravity and the heights of cheap profits. The latest venture is a martial arts version of Snow White. Perhaps if September 11th didn't tip you off to the fact that the apocalypse is upon us, this will.

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Crooked doc
Chicago Sun-Times | Submitted by: Crazy Quagga
"Dr. Krishnaswami Sriram billed for tests he never performed and patients he hadn't seen. Once, he billed Medicare for seeing more than 180 patients in a single day, 32 of them were dead."

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Rescuing 113 animals from animal 'rescue'
Philadelphia Intelligencer | Submitted by: Gelal
"The SPCA seized 96 cats, nine dogs, one turtle, one rat and a half-dozen mice from the one-story, 1,200-square-foot home Friday. An undetermined number of other dead animals also were found... Behind the fence sat filthy cages, old food dishes, umbrellas and broken pieces of screen. The air near the property is thick with the stench of urine and filth."

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Lobbying by scared kids upsets city council
Seattle Times | Submitted by: Patricia Graeme
"With their teacher's help, an Olympic View Elementary school class sent the City Council pictures of burning schools and children, along with pleas to keep the city from decommissioning a fire engine at its Green Lake fire station. "The crayon drawings depict flaming children screaming, "We're all going to die" and "Help, I'm on fire."

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Rotting salmon slick
Vancouver Sun | Submitted by: Gorg
"A three-kilometre-long slick of dead, rotting Atlantic salmon was discovered earlier this week by scientists researching ground fish west of Vancouver Island. The salmon, which numbered about 250,000 and weighed more than 900 tonnes, were dumped there by a Campbell River fish farm after an algae suffocated the fish."

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Boom! Boom I dusted the wrong guy
Edmonton Journal | Submitted by: Gorg
"The night Adnan Pervez was gunned down, the man now accused of the murder went home and excitedly bragged to his shocked roommates "I did it, I did it," court heard Thursday. "Boom, boom, boom, I blew him away," Crown witness Jamey Ziegler testified Keith Schell told him and Schell's ex-wife. But while drinking and using cocaine in a hotel room later that night, Schell learned from the TV news "that he shot the wrong person," Ziegler said. "He was pretty upset."

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Keep consuming: we're still screwed
Wire Services | Submitted by: D. Rango
Yet another reason to contine driving an SUV and keeping the all the lights on at night: "Earth's climate will warm up over the next 50 years, whether or not greenhouse gases are curbed soon, U.S. researchers reported on Thursday in a NASA study."

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New York Times reporter calls for broad censorship
New York Times | Submitted by: Jason Scott
Nicholas D. Kristoff calls for censorship of a wide range of books containing recipes and instructions for destruction, saying that, during times of war, some knowledge should not be known. Well, except by those we trust, like the heads of Microbiology departments. And moron reporters. And maybe anyone with a government job... in other words, not you.

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Goats make good rapin' and don't complain
Laksamana | Submitted by: brojack
"Police in the West Java city of Cirebon have arrested a 36-year-old unemployed man for "raping" five young goats to death, a report said Thursday... Sakadi, whose wife reportedly died two years ago, said he had raped goats every night since early September because he could not afford to pay prostitutes. "Seeking goats is easier and they don't protest like women. And I didn't need to pay," he was quoted as saying.

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Tiger attacks kindergartener
Wire Services | Submitted by: Mark B
"The female tiger, called Sima, was being led on a leash out of an auditorium at Baymonte Christian School by her trainer when she leaped over a row of seats and grabbed the boy's head in her jaws, said Capt. Harry Bidleman, Scotts Valley Police."

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Lonely leper just wanted to have fun
Independent Online | Submitted by: Alaska Freegold
"Thai police have arrested a 24-year-old woman on defamation charges after she allegedly posed as the daughter of a senior Bangkok police officer while trying to seduce dozens of policemen over the phone, news reports said on Thursday. She said she got the names of attractive police officers from popular TV programme called Kadee Dej (Fun Crime Cases)."

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Underwear carries the day for Mr Puniverse
Stuff NZ | Submitted by: wingnut
"Unconventional boxers could have swayed the crowd's decision when it came time to vote for the winner of the Mr Puniverse final in Invercargill on Saturday night. Mr Hughes, a part-time cleaner, said he entered the competition as a dare and although a bit nervous to start with, felt better after a few beers. He can't remember much about the night."

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Canning ladies get the wrong pickle
Fayetteville Observer | Submitted by: wingnut
"Alice Morrison thought she was calling for advice on pickling and got connected to a phone sex chat line. Officials with the company that makes the lids decided to consolidate two canning companies, Ball and Kerr, under one help line. Kerr's old 800 number was returned to the phone company, she said. The phone company assigned it to a phone sex company."

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The most un-dignified dinosaur ever
CNN | Submitted by: ktulurex
"New" dinosaur and Asian stereotype all in one! Paleontologists discover dorky looking oviraptor in China.

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Suicide bomber leaves beating heart on sidewalk
Globe and Mail | Submitted by: Curtana
"The impact of the blast, which killed five people and hurt more than 50, sent the bomber's body parts flying in all directions. "I ran outside and saw a heart still moving on the sidewalk. A few metres away were the lungs," said Amir Chen, 45, owner of Lotus Books, whose display of children's books was sprayed with blood."

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Women are from Venus, Men have worms
Globe and Mail | Submitted by: Curtana
"Sarah Moore and Kenneth Wilson of the Institute of Biological Sciences at the University of Stirling in Scotland looked at whether the shorter life span of male mammals, which are generally larger than their female counterparts, could be linked to the presence of parasites. Writing in today's issue of the journal Science, the researchers reported that males had a higher rate of parasitic infections than females. The difference, the study notes, was "small, but statistically significant."

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Bank Loses $170 million in two minutes
Guardian | Submitted by: Otis Criblecross
"In the 20-minute period 3.2bn worth of shares changed hands, more than often takes place during an entire working day. The volume of activity was so large that prices of shares were delayed as some computer systems across the City failed to cope with the number of deals."

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Dancers urged to cast aside untraditional panties
Straits Times | Submitted by: Otis Criblecross
"Papua New Guinean (PNG) dancers have been urged to cast aside their bras and underpants in the interests of traditional culture. The request came from the organisers of a PNG cultural festival, the Goroka Show, after some dancers wore Western style underwear to traditional 'sing-sing' performances this week, the Australian Associated Press reported."

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Bombs nearly ruin Georgia Buggy Days festival
Atlanta Journal-Constitution | Submitted by: Incubus
A sleepy little town in central Georgia was woken up rather rudely on Friday morning after officials were contacted about nine "suspicious canisters" left around the town in about a four block area, including several stores on the downtown front. Packed with wire, concrete nails and wrapped duct tape, the canisters were made to look like pipe bombs The kicker? This all happened one day before Barnesville, a town that has a population of just under 6,000 residents, holds its annual "Buggy Days" festival, which brings in around 50,000 - 60,000 tourists from across the United States and around the world. Things got even MORE fun when the local law enforcement and the GBI declared a lockdown of both the middle and high schools, forcing all classroom doors to be locked and all exits in and out of the building to be locked and kept at guard. "Everybody's tense," said Hope Andrews, wife of Lamar County Fire Chief Steve Andrews. "They can't do much teaching with all the confusion and chaos. It may be a hoax, but you have to take it seriously."

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Man fires up girlfriend
Expressen | Submitted by: Clawhead
After blocking the front door with a fridge, while his girlfriend layed in bed reading, the man went into the bedroom with a bottle with gasoline and a lighter. He splashed the gasoline over her and lit. The neighbours called the police which busted up the door and arrested the man. The man says he can't remeber anything. Article in Swedish, but with graphic picture.

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For that fresh fried food smell
Daily Yomiuri | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"A laundry detergent has been produced by a private company in Sumida Ward, Tokyo, from used cooking oil collected by the ward office from households. Citizens groups plan to sell it to ward residents... "If we can recycle used cooking oil into a laundry detergent, which is a daily necessity, we'll be able to boost the public's awareness of recycling," an activist was quoted as saying."

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Wo ist der Sirup vom ipecac?
Washington Post | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"Austria's worst flooding in centuries has left behind a deadly legacy: a bumper crop of mushrooms that's luring amateur pickers to damp forests, and sending some to the hospital. At least two people have died after picking and eating poisonous mushrooms, and scores have sought treatment... "There is nothing more relaxing than to search for mushrooms in the forest. You forget everything else. You're completely concentrated on one goal: Where are the mushrooms?"

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The Golden Years of crime
New York Post | Submitted by: wingnut
"Eighty-year-old wiseguy Joseph "Butter" DeCicco began his life of crime with a bang, an armed robbery in 1945 that cost him a seven year stint in Sing Sing, and he still hasn't retired from the biz... "The only way you can get out of the deal is if you die or we die, the only way you can stay open for business is to pay us." A veteran law enforcement source said the ancient alleged criminal "can be very intimidating. It's all in the presentation."

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Utah Olympic anthrax scare details released
Wire Services | Submitted by: Bog
"While millions around the world watched the Games, anthrax had just been detected at Salt Lake International Airport... "Highway patrol troopers whisked the governor to the main terminal of the airport, where Leavitt said it was apparent that tens of thousands of passengers risked exposure."

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Incinerator speedball sickens Key Westers
Keys News | Submitted by: Tim-miester
"The Key West municipal incinerator was cited by the state for "abnormal emissions" after a bad mix of cocaine and marijuana caused a dirty burn Monday... The problem Monday was that the mixture was too rich; that is, the ratio of cocaine to marijuana was incorrect. Therefore, the incinerator wasn't able to burn the drugs at an efficient rate and visible emissions poured out of the stacks."

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