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September 14, 2002

Drunk car thief stuck in window
Evening Times | Submitted by: Concened
"Car thief Andrew Birch found himself caught in a jam after smashing a window of a vehicle he planned to steal. In a drunken state, he tried to squeeze in through the broken window and became stuck fast, unable to move. When police arrived at the scene in Craigielea Road, Renfrew, he was still wedged in the window, half in and half out, Paisley Sheriff Court was told."

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U.S. Special forces told to shave
CNN | Submitted by: Rufferto
As if being shot at in Afghanistan isn't bad enough: now they have to break out the Bics. The Brass is concerned about soldiers blending in a little too well: "The order to shave facial hair and to "re-adapt uniform and grooming standards" came after a special operations commander, Maj. Gen. Geoff Lambert, saw numerous photographs of troops operating on the ground in Afghanistan with full beards and partial uniforms."

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Robot soccer
Chosun Ilbo | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"The Federation of International Robot-soccer Associations (FIRA), based in Korea, will host its Invitational Championship from September 30 to October 3 in Dortmund, Germany, with top teams from Asia and Europe competing... Kim Jong-hwan, dubbed "The Father of Robot Football" by The Times, said that robot soccer is a combination of cutting-edge hardware technologies, including wireless communication, electronics, control engineering, battery technology and computer graphics."

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Norwegian hillbilly brews a bad batch
Aftenposten | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"Police arrested a man in Moss Thursday and charged him with illegally selling alcohol. Four people have been hospitalized after drinking potentially deadly homemade alcohol... One of them had been drinking from a 10-liter plastic bottle... Two of the others had been drinking from commercial bottles of vodka but police said they may have transferred the illegal hooch into the bottles themselves."

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Freeze dried Fluffy
ABC News | Submitted by: AC
"There's a new option available for pet owners who can't bear to say goodbye when their furry friends pass on: having them freeze-dried... Taxidermists say they have seen an increase in requests for pet preservation in recent years, and a few dozen taxidermists around the country have started offering freeze-drying as an option."

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RFK's daughter laments loss of civil rights
Newark Advocate | Submitted by: Kingman
Even R.F.K. 's daughter is pissed about Americans losing our Civil liberties: "Since the terrorist attacks, the Bush administration has implemented a policy making all information about how the government is run secret, Kennedy Cuomo said. The Freedom of Information Act was approved in 1966 with the idea that an open, transparent government is good for democracy, she said."

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Shoney's a terrorist hotbed
Minneapolis Star Tribune | Submitted by: Bammer
"Eunice Stone of Cartersville, Ga., told Fox News Network that she was eating at a Shoney's restaurant in Calhoun when she heard the men talking about possible terrorist activities. Gov. Jeb Bush and a federal law enforcement official in Washington said the men had no apparent link to terrorism. Authorities used dogs and a robot to search their two cars for explosives, but said they found nothing."

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MIssing pet found inside Burmese python
Dayton Daily News | Submitted by: optional stephen m foster sr
"The Humane Society of Delaware County found a small dog reported missing by a resident of this Columbus suburb, inside a 10-foot Burmese python. Terry Doodan found the snake, with a telltale bulge in its middle, under the basement steps of her home while she was working on renovations."

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Israel occupied by aliens
Pravda | Submitted by: plankton
"Residents of the towns of Kadima and Rishon Letzion have reported numerous sightings of UFOs in the spring of 1993. Some people have even claimed that UFOs have landed on their lawns. Circles were found on the landing sites, and ufologists discovered silver-colored metal pieces or an oil-like red in the circles."

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Rape lobby opposes sexy tshirt
Melbourne Herald Sun | Submitted by: Vesney
"The T-shirt, which shows a man riding a snowboard, a skateboard, a surfboard and then a woman, has been removed from Rip Curl's new range of clothing. Marg Darcy from the Centre Against Sexual Assault said the T-shirt so outraged rape victims they brought it to the attention of the Federal Government. "It equates having sex with women with riding a snowboard, skateboard or a surfboard." she said. Another T-shirt in the same range pictures a woman with her breasts falling out of her top and the slogan "Built for Riding".

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Five South African hillbillies drink selves to death
Independent Online | Submitted by: anonymous
"Five Boland farmworkers died this week after allegedly breaking into an office on the farm where they worked and stealing six litres of pure alcohol which they drank. The alcohol, which was highly toxic methanol, was used on the farm to clean flowers."

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Censors get porno combat pay
Stuff NZ | Submitted by: wingnut
"Film censors get a $1000 allowance for piano lessons or aerobics classes to help them get over the stress of being exposed to pornographic images. The allowance, and an entitlement to eight counselling or supervision sessions a year, helped staff deal with the "psychological pollution" they encountered in their work."

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Patriot sent home for red, white, blue hair
AZ Central | Submitted by: wingnut
"Seventh-grader Josie Kmiec's patriotic ponytail is getting thumbs-down from her principal.The 12-year-old was sent home from school Wednesday for coloring her hair red, white and blue.Her brother Jake sprayed his hair with the flag colors, but was allowed to stay in class at Lakeside High."

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Cross dressing thong wearing scary poolboy
Austin American-Statesman | Submitted by: wingnut
"Austin's favorite cross-dresser and former mayoral candidate is currently staying in a five-bedroom, four-bath, one-swimming-pool house in a lovely, oak-tree-lined neighborhood on Westhaven Drive in posh West Lake Hills. This is a major step up for a guy who used to hang out, literally and figuratively, in a thong on the sidewalk in downtown Austin. Cindy says she asked Leslie to conform to West Lake Hills fashion by dressing more conservatively with longer skirts, "or skirts at least that are different from a thong."

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Good to the last dropping
Canadian Broadcasting | Submitted by: ex-coffee drinker
"An upscale grocery store in Edmonton is stocking an unusual delicacy: coffee beans picked from the feces of a jungle cat... Apparently the enzymes in the animal's stomach add "something unique" to the coffee's flavour through fermentation. The beans are thoroughly cleaned and then roasted at 249 degrees C."

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Industrial-strength seasoning
AlertNet | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"The official Xinhua news agency only reported that "a number of" middle school students and construction workers died after eating sesame cakes, fried dough sticks and fried glutinous rice balls in a shop in Nanjing's Jiangning district... The food poisoning outbreak appeared to be the biggest in recent memory in China, where deaths have occurred in restaurants using cheaper industrial salts rather than salt available in supermarkets."

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