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September 13, 2002

Levi's announces anti radiation pants
This Is London | Submitted by: Soylent
"Levi Strauss today unveiled the world's first clothing designed to protect against mobile phone radiation. S-Fit trousers will have pockets designed to carry a mobile phone and lined with "antiradiation" material to shield wearers from potentially harmful phone emissions."

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Punk Mice
Wire Services | Submitted by: Rashamon
"Mice whose fur glows green may be the first step to using gene therapy to treat hair loss, baldness and perhaps even to permanently change hair color, researchers say. They put jellyfish genes into the hair follicles of the mice, which grew fur that glowed fluorescent green under the right light... The hair now is glowing green because green fluorescent protein is in the hair shaft."

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Getting elected the easy way
Pittsburgh Post-Gazette | Submitted by: Incubus
"A handwriting specialist hired by the Allegheny County Board of Elections said today that 28 absentee ballots filed in Kennedy in 1997 were filled out by that township's treasurer. Michelle Dresbold said that 28 absentee ballots that were submitted in the 1997 general election were filled out by Kennedy's Treasurer, Melvin Weinstein. She said in the same election another five ballots may have been filled out by his son, County Treasurer John Weinstein, but she needed more handwriting samples to be sure."

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Narq merits suspension
Omaha World-Herald | Submitted by: Dr. Rev.
A zero tolerance school policy inadvertently teaches the right lesson, that nothing good comes from narq'ing on your friends. "Butler said a student handed her son the drugs to pass to another student during class. When the boy found out what he was passing, he got up from his desk to pretend to sharpen his pencil and threw the drugs away, she said."

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Burglar gives name over stolen cellphone
Sun | Submitted by: Concerned
"The next day, fuming Tony rang [his stolen] mobile on the off-chance the culprit would give a clue to his identity. Tony planned to pretend he was from the phone firm and was offering a special deal. But he was amazed when the crook blurted out his name unprompted within seconds."

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Turks pay to rape dogs to cure chlamydia
Kurdish Media | Submitted by: Alexandros
"Three months ago the Animalís Safe House in Ortakoy, Izmir, made the headlines in Turkey when 6 dogs in the safe house were raped by several people who had broken into the premises. This time the Safe House has become news material as allegations have been made that several dogs have been raped for the reason that "it cures chlamydia". (Please note that this is a Kurdish paper reporting on Turks.)

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Scientists reveal secret of Mexican waves
BBC | Submitted by: anonymous
"So now we know: it takes about 30 people to get a Mexican Wave going in a football stadium. Scientists from the University of Budapest in Hungary studied video tape of the crowd phenomenon that caught on during the 1986 World Cup and built a mathematical model to describe how it works."

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Moscow watermelons not radioactive this year
New York Times | Submitted by: Kreepy Monster
"Good news for Muscovites! "There are practically no cases of radioactive watermelons this year," says Andrei A. Buyanov. All right. Maybe that is practically good news. Then again, it could be worse. Some of the lingonberries here all but glow in the dark."

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DEA agents call cops on the handicapped
DrugWar | Submitted by: HexPhile
"Ready to leave, the DEA was now locked in. They had packed up the pot in their rental trucks and, charges Edney, seized some patient lists. But those pesky TV cameras remained focused on pathetic people in wheelchairs who didn't have enough sense to accept their lot and go on home. The protesters yelling louder, some agents perhaps feeling foolish, the DEA did what any good citizen needing help does: they called the cops."

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Road rage victim whipped by own antenna
The Province | Submitted by: Gorg
"The driver of the front car leaped out and smashed the window of the tail-gater. In response, two men got out of the second vehicle and ripped the antenna off the first car. RCMP said the pair chased the driver into a nearby store where they beat him with the antenna. The assailants then stole the beating victim's car."

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Rumsfeld: Most dangerous man in Washington
Counterpunch | Submitted by: anonymous
"Rumsfeld has humiliated [Secretary of State Colin] Powell, reaching a peak in effrontery when, a few weeks ago, he contradicted decades-worth of formal US foreign policy and declared that Israel had every right and every reason to occupy the West Bank and have settlements there."

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Leg lost as beer cannon explodes
AAP | Submitted by: Wayfarer
"A man who tried to fire a plaster-filled beer can from a homemade cannon lost a leg in a blast that peppered a car with shrapnel and exploded a gas cylinder, a Perth hospital said."

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Virgin Mary appears as plant sweat
Canadian Broadcasting | Submitted by: Matt W.
Condensation on the windows of a hothouse in Saskatchewan has been hailed by zealots as an apparition of the Virgin Mary: "The owner of the greenhouse rubbed away the image Tuesday night, but it came back. Further proof of the divine origin of the image, believers say, is the strong smell of roses."

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Poultry holocaust
Wire Services | Submitted by: Crazy Quagga
Someone in Kentucky is shutting off ventilators and suffocating chickens en masse: "The first case killed 55,000 chicks in the Crittenden County town of Marion. The second, three weeks later, left 23,000 birds dead in the McLean County town of Beech Grove, which is 50 miles from Marion."

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Oldest penis is 100 million years old
Wire Services | Submitted by: meatlog
"It belongs to an ostracod, an early crustacean related to crabs, shrimps and water fleas, and was found in a fossil sample unearthed in Brazil. "To my knowledge it is the oldest penis. I don't know of any older," Professor David Siveter, of the University of Leicester, told the British Association science conference... In fact the ostracod fossil had not one penis but two."

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