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September 06, 2002

Teens find human brain on Oslo street
Aftenposten | Submitted by: anonymous
"Two teenagers couldn't resist the temptation when they found a box lying in an Oslo street. Under some paperwork the pair discovered a human brain preserved in formalin in a plastic container, newspaper VG reports. Thieves apparently dropped the box, which was stolen from Ulleval University Hospital, after learning it only contained an autopsy report, a death certificate, journals - and a pickled brain."

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The Wal-Mart Menace
Cleveland Scene | Submitted by: LucrezaBorgia
Wal*Mart is a malignant enterprise that ignores the law whenever it is convenient to do so: "At first blush, 75 violations amid thousands of cases seems an irrelevant percentage, except that the number appears to represent more sanctions than those of all other Fortune 500 companies combined... "Not only in this court but in other courts, [Wal-Mart] has demonstrated a clear pattern of desiring to... hide, to cheat, to give false answers under oath." ... an Alabama judge, irritated by Wal-Mart lawyers skirting questions about past violations, fumed, "Is there something in the drinking water in Arkansas that says that perjury is all right?"

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Police car ads: donut sponsors far behind?
Arizona Republic | Submitted by: demitri
Furthering the cause for Florida's independence from the United States: "In these days of budget-cutting and creative financing, a Florida Panhandle town commission has voted to purchase a fleet of 15 police cruisers for only $15, but resplendent with corporate sponsors."

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Porn on the tube, tube steak in the old lady
Wire Services | Submitted by: Mighty Tim
"Ten days ahead of national elections, a member of the Christian Democratic women's federation shocked her conservative party colleagues by calling for more pornography on television... [Teres Kirpikli] wanted to help boost the Swedish economy by encouraging people to have more children."

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Shit happens in flying fecobaggies
Stuff NZ | Submitted by: doofus
"I heard a bang on the roof, and when I went outside to look, I saw it was a plastic bag full of human waste.. You might just be relaxing in your house, then you hear a noise on your roof and someone has thrown a bag of sewage up there," said Njoki, 27, wrinkling her nose with disgust. For most people here, the "flying toilets" are the only way of answering nature's call: you simply use a plastic bag, then fling it as far out of sight as possible."

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Fluffy kitten taking names, kicking ass
BCTV | Submitted by: Gorg
"We were quite upset because there was a lot of blood all over Giz and we thought he was really hurt," says owner Colleen Pitt. The cat was rushed to a local veterinary hospital for treatment. But when he was examined, it was discovered that all the blood on the housepet was from the coyote."

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Dog bites minister, spared death sentence
Globe and Mail | Submitted by: ljr
"A dog that bit a Jehovah's Witness minister after she ignored Beware of Dog signs has been spared a death sentence by a Winnipeg court. Piotr Skawinski, the dog's owner, testified he had two visible warning signs up the day that Ethel Mannetje walked into his back yard."

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Pot smoker sentenced by coolest judge ever
Sacramento Bee | Submitted by: Savage Asylum
"The 20-year-old former high school basketball star told the judge he smoked pot because it made him a better player. So the 42-year-old jurist challenged him to a game of one-on-one on a different court." And with buddy buddy ending clearly this is the feelgood story of the milennium.

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Baby skewering in Gujarat
Indian Express | Submitted by: meg
"I ran part of the way carrying her in my arms. After some distance, I put her down and both of us began running. They caught her, slit her stomach with a sword pulled out our child from her stomach and paraded the baby on the tip of a sword. I think I heard my child cry. Then, they poured petrol on both of them and lit them."

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Floating on Trash
Sun | Submitted by: lodri
Man has failed marriages. Man collects plastic bottles. Man builds island with them and anchors it off the coast of Mexico: "A British carpenter who dreamed of living on a private sunshine isle built himself one using 250,000 plastic bottles. Richie Sowa spent four years making the floating Spiral Island, which measures 66ft by 54ft, weighs 60 tons and has three sandy beaches."

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Spelling bee freaks
New York Times | Submitted by: lodri
"Of all the rituals the Goldsteins observe, and as Orthodox Jews, they observe many, this is one of the most important and perhaps the most personal. It is a reminder of what binds them, and defines them, as a family." Says one of the children, Mona, without a twinge of irony: "Most of my friends, first of all, they think the whole thing is stupid. Big deal, a spelling bee. They're clueless. I give up on them. What can I tell you? Most people nowadays are wacko anyway."

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Elderly just too damn big to flush
News Corporation | Submitted by: Taleya
"An elderly woman was pulled from a septic tank in a messy rescue in Western Australia. The ambulance that carried her was taken off the road overnight to be sterilised and fumigated." But no explanation of how she came to rest in the septic tank in the first place.

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College males: trouble understanding condoms
Wire Services | Submitted by: Laura Elaine Wilson
"In a survey of 158 heterosexual males who used a condom in the previous 3 months, 30% said they had initially put the condom on upside down and had to flip it over. Forty percent said they did not leave space at the tip of the condom after they put it on, a technique that reduces the risk of breakage, according to the report in the August issue of the journal Sexually Transmitted Diseases."

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Road signs worth $10K found in frathouse
Boston Globe | Submitted by: Laura Elaine Wilson
"Investigators looking into the cause of a fire that damaged a University of Maine fraternity house found dozens of stolen signs from highways, construction sites and businesses across Maine. Altogether, 56 signs worth about $10,000 were seized from the Sigma Alpha Epsilon house, said Sgt. Stewart Jacobs of the state fire marshal's office."

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The Albuquerque Isotopes
Wire Services | Submitted by: Rufferto
"Doh! Homer Simpson's worst fears are coming true, sort of. As you may recall, Simpson went on a hunger strike last year when it was revealed on the cartoon series that his beloved baseball team, the Springfield Isotopes, were moving to Albuquerque to become the Albuquerque Isotopes. Now it's happening for real. The new team that will take the field in Albuquerque next year will be called the Isotopes in homage to Homer."

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Botulism thriving in Lake Erie
Toronto Star | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"Large numbers of fish and fish-eating waterfowl have been washing up dead on the north shore of Lake Erie this week as botulism bacteria make their way up the food chain through exotic species such as zebra mussels and goby fish... Cottager Garth Hagey says the beach would be unusable without regular cleanups. His parents have been collecting and burying nearly 100 fish and birds a day."

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Woman paid fine with feces, convicted
WKMG-TV 6 Orlando | Submitted by: Rio
"Debra Angeline Schwarz was found guilty of paying a $350 traffic fine with an envelope half-filled with feces. Prosecutors in Lake County, Ore., say Schwarz's money order was accompanied by what witnesses called a "brown, pasty substance" that really smelled.

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Vocabulary word lands teacher in deep shit
Wire Services | Submitted by: f00f
Political correctness gone awry again: "Last week, Stephanie Bell, a teacher at Williams Elementary School, said she used the word "niggardly," which means stingy or miserly, during a discussion about literary characters. Parent Akwana Walker, who is black, protested the use of the word, saying it offended her because it sounds similar to a racial slur... failure to comply with the directives in the letter, which included sensitivity training, would lead to further action."

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What the fuck is a Soysage
ESPN | Submitted by: Scooter The Wonderduck
"On Thursday, officials from People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals faxed a letter to the commissioner's daughter Wendy Selig-Prieb, president and CEO of the Milwaukee Brewers, asking that a fifth sausage, a veggie dog [Soysage], be allowed to compete in the Brewers traditional post sixth inning [sausage] race where people dressed in the various meat costumes race from the bullpen to the home plate."

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High speed police chase fun
Spokane Spokesman-Review | Submitted by: psykopyxie
"During the chase, people in the van hurled a lawn mower and other objects at the police cars in pursuit, police said... One [golfing] Spokane man said he looked up from the fairway to see two police officers and a German shepherd from the K-9 unit all zip past in a commandeered golf cart... "There's going to be a lot of paperwork."

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Buy an Alkaseltzer factory for $1
Boston Globe | Submitted by: Soylent
Yours for only a buck: "The building has 933,000 square feet of space and includes space for manufacturing, laboratories, offices. It also includes large refrigeration units that could be used for a company working with foods, said Joe Martin, senior vice president and general manager for Bayer Diagnostics."

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Commercial moon landing go-ahead
Nature | Submitted by: Soylent
"The US State Department and the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration have granted TransOrbital, Inc. of La Jolla, California, permission to send its TrailBlazer probe to map the surface of the Moon and photograph Earth. The launch is scheduled for June 2003 from the Baikonur Cosmodrome in Kazakhstan." Why is U.S. permission needed to launch something from Kazakhstan?

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