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September 04, 2002

Wild Fecal Surprise
Dispatch/Sunday News | Submitted by: Col.Klink
"Cheese had defecated on Baum's mattress, replaced the sheets and hid the fecal matter around the house including in the pocket and sleeve of Eldon Baum's leather riding jacket, inside his backpack and on clothes left at the residence. Cheese also dipped two bottles of Eldon Baum's cologne in the toilet and soiled Gale Baum's teddy bear, Ogle said."

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Greek government outlaws computer games
The Register | Submitted by: Otis Criblecross
"The government of Greece is making heroic efforts to humiliate the nation in front of the entire world, by banning all electronic games. That's right; something as innocent as playing computer chess on your laptop in a hotel lobby is now a crime with penalties of up to three months in stir and a fine of 10,000 euros."

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Missing fuse causes invalid fireballs
Dayton Daily News | Submitted by: Idle Hands
"Invacare’s recall includes 215,000 wheelchairs lacking a fuse that could help prevent fires in the battery charging system... The wheelchairs lacked a less than $5 fuse that stops short-circuits in the battery charger, according to an Invacare engineer questioned during trial preparations for a lawsuit over a wheelchair user’s death."

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Village des pedophiles
Guardian | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
"A court found 19 inhabitants of the same village guilty of systematically raping or sexually abusing an eleven-year-old girl who had been prostituted by her own father... At the centre of the scandal was a 37-year-old former barman in the southern Belgian village of Sainte-Ode, a remote rural township of 2,000 people dubbed "the paedophile village" by the Belgian media."

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Whale attempts flying burrito, kills fisherman
CNN | Submitted by: Tom G
"A California fisherman was killed after a large whale unexpectedly breached over his boat, smashing into the deck and hurling him into the water, a Coast Guard official said on Tuesday... the whale breached with a spectacular leap out of the water right over their boat, a 22 foot motor vessel named the BBQ."

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Anna Nicole Smith's new reality
American Prospect | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
"Worst of all is Bobby Trendy, a designer whom Smith hires to outfit her new home. As he attempts to sell her on a style that can only be described as Haute Whore, he pushes a mirrored table, "so you can look at yourself and the view all day." Then he proposes putting pictures of her on pillows and quells her mumbled protest with the declaration, "It's about celebrating the owner of the home."

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Nun raped, killed with own rosaries
KATU-TV 2 Seattle | Submitted by: bobo
"Autopsy reports indicate Chaska had been savagely beaten and died with her rosary beads embedded in her neck. Authorities say it appears the nuns' assailant controlled both women with their rosaries while he raped them."

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Swim in sewage to win UK game show
Sun | Submitted by: optional
"TV bosses are making the sickest reality show, with contestants trying to get as many illnesses as possible. In Sick Day, three lads will live in the same house for two months and try to catch ailments like nits, lice, flu, venereal diseases and warts."

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Hot For Teacher
Atlanta Journal-Constitution | Submitted by: Incubus
"Lauren Summers, 21, is being charged with 22 additional counts of child molestation and enticing a child for indecent purposes. She is accused of having at least 12 sexual encounters with two 14-year-old students. Authorities said she also had relations with five other male students over 16 years old, but would not be charged in those cases because of the students' ages."

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Eddie Murphy assists prison break
Sacramento Bee | Submitted by: mike
"An inmate who walked out of jail using an identification badge with actor Eddie Murphy's picture on it was sentenced Tuesday to four years in state prison for the July 2001 escape."

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Fatal irony as man dies inspecting own grave
Independent Online | Submitted by: Spookbabe
"According to reports, Giovanni Vittorio Greco visited his local cemetery at the weekend to check how the construction of his family grave was getting on. Police said the man probably slipped on some steps and banged his head on a slate of marble and died instantly."

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Bed pan strands injured Welsh couple
online.ie | Submitted by: anonymous
"A Welsh couple recovering from a serious accident say they are stranded in New Zealand after major airlines refused to carry them home because they would have to use bedpans in the first class cabin... The airlines they have approached will allow them to use bedpans in economy, but not in first class."

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My ass don't impress me much
The Daily News | Submitted by: Halifax
Plastic surgery prizes for an ugly radio audience: "The contest, which began this week, asks listeners to call in to register when they hear a cue on the station by giving their first name, the body part they would most like changed and why."

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Pathetic man on roller coaster for 104 days
WKMG-TV 6 Orlando | Submitted by: Skeletor
The stunt will not even be recognized by Guinness.

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Car thieves get younger
Minneapolis Star Tribune | Submitted by: Bob
"An eight year old foster child really missed his family, so much that police say he stole a pickup truck and drove 20 miles to see them... [Another motorist] says she chased him at speeds up to 80 mph. She got him to slow down by positioning her car in front of the pickup."

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Cannibal Lector can't attend mass
New York Post | Submitted by: Phatlor
"[Albert Fentress] has confessed to luring Paul Masters of Poughkeepsie into his basement in 1979, tying him up, molesting him and cutting off his genitals. He cooked and ate them, then shot and killed the teenager... Authorities deemed him an escape risk after a hospital worker came forward and said Fentress told her that if he did not win his long-sought freedom in court, he would escape."

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Kentucky to stop shooting dogs
Cincinnati Enquirer | Submitted by: Incubus
"[Kentucky] Agriculture Commissioner Billy Ray Smith said Tuesday the shooting of strays in animal shelters should be banned, and he will ask the General Assembly to do so. Mr. Smith said he wanted to "bring Kentucky law more in step with the times" following the embarrassment of a national telecast of video of dogs being shot at the animal shelter in Henry County."

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Fuck Smokey and fuck you too
Pittsburgh Post-Gazette | Submitted by: Incubus
"An environmental group espousing radical views and violent actions has claimed responsibility for an Aug. 11 fire that caused $700,000 damage to a U.S. Forest Service research office in Irvine, Warren County. "While innocent life will never be harmed in any action we undertake," the e-mail stated, "where it is necessary, we will no longer hesitate to pick up the gun to implement justice, and provide the needed protection for our planet that decades of legal battles, pleading, protest and economic sabotage have failed so drastically to achieve."

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Paper cops scaring motorists
Minneapolis Star Tribune | Submitted by: Bob
In Lithuania, the local government is trying to get motorists to slow down by placing cardboard cutouts of police officers along the side of the road, especially near schools. They plan on deploying 300 of the paper police. This isn't the first this has been tried; in the 1980's Denmark did the same with cardboard cops on motorcycles, but many were missing in action as souvenirs.

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Porn disciplined stronger than real damage
BBC | Submitted by: Incubus
"There was more disciplinary action taken over inappropriate surfing and sending pornographic e-mails in the last year than all the cases for dishonesty, violence and health and safety breaches put together... Employees are nearly 10 times more likely to be dismissed for exchanging pornographic e-mails than for sending a message that contained damaging information about the company the survey said."

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Doomsday cult heading to Venus on Oct. 24th
Globe and Mail | Submitted by: Curtana
"Police said they were alerted to the sect this year when neighbours noted strange behaviour on a farm commune of 21 people. "At their meetings, they wore capes and held spiritual seances," one officer said." The date for transportation to another world was previously July 11, but has been "revised".

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Legal bud in Canada soon?
Canadian Broadcasting | Submitted by: malice
"A Senate committee said in a report Wednesday that marijuana use should be legalized for adults... The committee recommends that cannabis should be from here on in legal and of restricted use, so that Canadians can choose whether to consume or not in security," Senator Pierre Claude Nolin, chair of the committee."

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Seni grandi e televisione per sempre!
New York Times | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"We are the Britney Spearses of Italy," said Elisabetta Canalis, 23... A velina is at the head of her peculiar class. But not far behind are the six "letterine" who grace the sidelines of "Passaparola," a sibling to "Password." Or the five dancers who gyrate around an enormous metal globe on the set of "Eredità," a cousin to "The Weakest Link." ... "This is very nasty television we're talking about," said Giovanna Melandri, who was Italy's culture minister under the previous, center-left government."

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Ice cream in Japan fishy
Wall Street Journal | Submitted by: Joe Pancake
"Making fish ice cream posed particular challenges. First, the high water content in the flesh made it rock-hard when frozen. Mr. Sato solved that problem by soaking his fish, and mollusks, too, in alcohol, which has a lower freezing temperature than water. Then, there was that rank, fishy smell that permeated the ice cream. After putting his employees through months of grueling taste-tests, Mr. Sato accumulated a mass of tips: Boil octopus in brown tea for eight hours, and steam shark fin with green onions and miso to expunge the ammonia smell."

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