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August 24, 2002

Nobel prizewinner rated as criminal extremist
Denver Westword | Submitted by: DP Internal
"For so-called intelligence records, the Denver Police Department's surveillance files are criminally stupid. The DPD had what were 'clearly political surveillance files', says ACLU legal director Mark Silverstein, even though 'they have no documents that define what is a member of a 'criminal extremist group.'... In fact, such dangerous organizations as the American Friends Service Committee, a Nobel Prize winner for its work pushing peace, rated a 'criminal extremist' label in the DPD's spy-files database."

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Scarecrow guards jail birds
Wire Services | Submitted by: el jay
"A judge on an inspection visit to a Brazilian jail discovered a straw scarecrow dressed in police uniform on the watchtower 'guarding' some 735 prisoners, police said on Friday."

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Woman buys crack on expense account
Decatur Daily | Submitted by: Ouka
"A Decatur woman bought crack cocaine with her husband's company credit card, then lied to him and police as they searched for an explanation to the $7,500 bill, authorities said... The hotel rooms, the steak dinners and the rental car actually served as payments for crack, police said."

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The 'fuck audio' from St. Patrick's Cathedral
The Smoking Gun | Submitted by: Fook Mi
"Florence and Harper, dubbed the "Juicy Lips" team, were one of several couples entered in the radio show's "Sex for Sam" contest, where participants were given points for having sex in public places like St. Patrick's (25 points), Trump Tower (15 points), and Central Park (10 points)... At one point, Hughes announced what the Virginia couple earned for the St. Patrick's stunt: "Oh my God, 25 points, a two-point conversion, and eternal damnation."

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Burglars steal car and a broken ATM
Chicago Sun-Times | Submitted by: anonymous
"An ATM heist went wrong for three men who broke into a closed Southeast Side restaurant early Thursday and pried the money machine from its bolts, only to find it wouldn't fit in the back seat of their car." They later found it hasn't had cash in it for two years.

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Lack of cents
Dayton Daily News | Submitted by: Idle Hands
"The $5,178.35 child support check was 2 cents short, so the state spent 83 cents in postage to send it back to a southwest Ohio company. As a result, nearly 60 families spent 10 days waiting for their money... Jon Allen, spokesman for the Ohio Department of Job and Family Services, said officials followed the correct procedure, but department policy did not allow common sense to be used in this situation."

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Man shot over Wedgie
Wire Services | Submitted by: AllNeonLike
"Prosecutors said Strouss was upset that Kassoway had snuck up on him and yanked up his underwear during a Phish concert last year."

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Podiatrist's mosque attack plans thwarted
St. Petersburg Times | Submitted by: Toots
"The plan for the military-style 'mission' showed a drawing of an 'Islamic Education Center.' Timers on plastic explosives would go off in 15 minutes, taking down buildings and killing Muslims. Bombs and land mines would detonate in parking lots and playgrounds, killing police and fleeing students."

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Travails of a ship's doctor
BBC | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
"One of the main causes of ill-health was the ship's biscuits, which resulted in a number of dental problems, including a broken tooth. Dr Edwards said: 'These hard tack biscuits made of flour and water were properly hard. They had been baked by Australian prisoners, with malice I think...' One crew member broke his bridge while eating the biscuits."

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Shag carpeting in the wake of Sept. 11
Los Angeles Times | Submitted by: stunji
More post 9-11 vapidity: "We're adjusting our collective self-image in the wake of Sept. 11 and a steady diet of moral malfeasance, much as we did 30 years ago with the Vietnam War and Watergate.... People are coming back to a fluffy, lush feeling. People love to sit on it, love to walk on it."

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The art of Japlish
Globe and Mail | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"Push my nose! I might be changing to you?" beckons a T-shirt in a store in Tokyo's Ueno district... "Captain Santa sails around the world with reliable crew. They have same dreams and warm hearts, and love the ocean." Equally baffling messages adorn items from clothes to cigarette lighters to computer mouse pads, vivid examples of "Japlish," English phrases that often involve badly translated Japanese."

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Wolfram a genius or another British eccentric?
Forbes | Submitted by: doofus
Stephen Wolfram wants to turn the world on its head. Wolfram confidently predicts, "within 50 years, more pieces of technology will be created on the basis of my science than on the basis of traditional science." Another quote from the article is perhaps even more telling: "There are no global scientists left in the world. The last to own that title was Albert Einstein. Wolfram confides in me that he wants to wear that crown." While this is an article from two years ago, it's interesting reading and still quite relevant. Wolfram currently mediawhores himself to news media but it's not really clear how much original science is in his new book.

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Lightning strike kills three at funeral
Kansas City Star | Submitted by: lini
"All at once, there was a ball of fire that appeared at the base of the tree. Four people just fell over. I couldn't believe it. There was this boom, it sounded like a bomb went off... I slammed the brakes on the truck. We jumped out and ran up there... Their clothes were just in rags, they were blown out at different locations of the body. One dear lady, her clothes were just nothing but threads."

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Dad tried to sell daughter for beer money
WKMG-TV 6 Orlando | Submitted by: Rio
"A man tried to sell his 6-year-old daughter to customers of a near east side party store, according to Detroit police. The man allegedly got off of a bike and tried to sell the girl to customers of the store. One customer told a television station that the man wanted $50 for the girl and planned to use the money to buy alcohol. The suspect was released because of a lack of evidence."

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