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August 20, 2002

Stillborn babies pass airline security
Independent Online | Submitted by: Operation Bomberclad
There's more than one way to get your human remains past airline officials: "SAS (Scandinavian Air Systems) denied the couple permission to board their plane, but Finnair accepted them. It's incredible," a police officer said after the woman successfully boarded the plane in Finland."

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The slag of all snacks
BBC | Submitted by: Squirrel
"Slag" is a fairly derogatory term for a woman in the UK who either sleeps around or "puts herself about": "The Independent Television Commission says viewers were offended by the language in the advert, which described Pot Noodle as the 'slag of all snacks'". An earlier campaign by another company consisting of eels emerging from toilets was also stopped, because of children's nightmares.

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Beckham has chicks licking his toilets
Mainichi Daily News | Submitted by: LucrezaBorgia
Says a Japanese fangirl of the British soccer star: "My life changed with the World Cup. Where I once had eyes only for the band I liked, now I can only see Beckham. I went and stayed at the hotel where he stayed while he was in Japan. I examined the toilet he's supposed to have used from top to bottom. I took loads of photos of it. Then I licked the toilet thoroughly. I can't wait to get to Britain."

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One sheet per poo, thanks
News Corporation | Submitted by: gogoBOi
Australia Post workers ordered to use only one square of toilet paper per poo: "The dispute between Australia Post and its staff has hit a new low in pettiness with a directive from a Central Coast area manager. 'One sheet is enough' and it appears the same edict applies to the use of pens and applications of sunscreen lotion."

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Pit bull tries to eat jumbo jet
USA Today | Submitted by: D. Rango
A pit bull escaped from its cage in the cargo hold of an American Airlines Boeing 757 and went on a chomping rampage. The crew "heard thumping from the cargo hold and discovered that backup radio and some navigational equipment wasn't working. After the plane landed, ground crews opened the cargo hold doors and spotted the pit bull running free. The dog had gnawed a hole in the bulkhead, damaged the cargo hold door and chewed through garden hose-size electrical cables."

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Chronicle withdraws ATM grave story
San Francisco Chronicle | Submitted by: PCM2
Follow-up to the "ATM installed at grave site" story posted on August 19: "No death notice could be found with the name of the rancher who supposedly set up an automated teller machine at his gravesite so his family would visit."

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Dealer sold mentally feeble man 18 cars
Columbian | Submitted by: jr bump
"In order to build trust and make the man believe they were his friend, dealership staff provided the man with a monogrammed director's chair in the dealership's showroom and treated him to dinner while secretly using his money to pay for everyone's dinner, state investigators said." They had sold him 18 cars in 14 months.

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The age of Internet hoaxes
US News and World Report | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
"The events of September 11 have proved to be particularly rich fodder for Internet hoaxes. The most famous features a photo of a tourist on a World Trade Center observation deck, a mere instant before an airliner slams into the building. Even if the film could have survived the horrific fires that day, the image is an obvious fabrication."

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Prostitution charges dropped after cop freed
News and Observer | Submitted by: Any Mouse
"Authorities were forced this week to dismiss charges against 32 people arrested in an undercover prostitution sting because a state Highway Patrol trooper caught in the roundup was not charged... A spokesman with the Highway Patrol confirmed Friday that the patrolman was detained July 24."

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K-Mart parking lot raid fucked, says cop
Houston Chronicle | Submitted by: Spookbabe
Followup on the crazy raid at the K-Mart parking lot, where many innocent people were arrested: "I couldn't believe we were being told to arrest all those kids. It was just utterly, utterly senseless," said one officer involved, who violated department policy by discussing the arrests and spoke on condition of anonymity."

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Good-luck body parts
Johannesburg Daily Mail Guardian | Submitted by: mahaTMa
Politicians in Africa's Swaziland reckon medicine made from children's body parts brings them good luck on the election campaign trail. Page seems to be getting hammered though.

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Violent nudist nabbed
Baton Rouge Advocate | Submitted by: joelvis
"After answering an assault complaint at a nudist colony, St. Tammany Parish sheriff's deputies tracked a man, wearing nothing but a hat, into an adjacent wooded area... When he was brought to the prison, the naked offender was given 'a temporary wardrobe of horizontally striped tunic and matching pants.'"

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Electric force field for APC's
Washington Times | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"An electric 'force field' for armored vehicles that vaporizes anti-tank grenades and shells on impact has been developed by scientists at Britain's Ministry of Defense... In a recent demonstration of the electric armor for senior army officers, an APC protected by the new British system survived repeated attacks by rocket-propelled grenades that would typically have destroyed it several times over."

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Funeral homes turn remains into diamonds
WKMG-TV 6 Orlando | Submitted by: Rio
"An Illinois company has come up with a novel way to remember a deceased loved one: it says it can turn cremated remains into diamonds. They're made by collecting the carbon that's created when a body is cremated. The carbon is then turned into graphite. A lab in Germany makes the graphite into gems by simulating the intense pressure and temperature needed to produce a diamond."

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War is like a box of chocolates
Guardian | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"Confectionery giant Cadbury's has committed a gaffe of epic proportions after comparing a brand of chocolate to the disputed territory of Kashmir and describing both as "too good to share"... "I'm good. I'm tempting. I'm too good to share. What am I? Cadbury's Temptations or Kashmir?" ran the catchline. The campaign, the Indian equivalent of comparing a chocolate bar to the conflict over Northern Ireland, has caused a national outcry."

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Special Forces self-medicate with fish penicillin
Washington Post | Submitted by: Rev. Soror Lucy Cannon
Regulations don't require a vet's prescription for antibiotics for pet fish, as they do for cats, dogs, and other mammals, so pet stores commonly sell them off the shelf. This has become "common knowledge" in the US Special Forces, so some army folks are using this stuff rather than going to Army doctors for an Rx. The serious downside: Since it's not for human use, the formulae don't follow FDA guidelines for manufacture.

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Suicide bags
WKMG-TV 6 Orlando | Submitted by: Rio
"A mercy-killing campaigner in Australia is issuing plastic "Exit Bags" designed to help the terminally ill commit suicide... The group is distributing free bags to members who attend suicide workshops. An official said he's already received orders for about 150 of the bags."

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