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August 12, 2002

You must be a fucking rookie
Sacramento Bee | Submitted by: Nyar
"When they finish eating, he expects them to haul the plates to the kitchen. He makes them pay $5 for every meal, even when the meal costs $3.99. He yells at them if they try to hand him money. "Put it in the register," he says. If a rookie follows a veteran's advice and asks for the No. 6 Special, Eddie says, "You must be a (bad word) rookie. There is no (bad word) No. 6, you (really bad word)." Have a nice day, officer."

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Lobsters murdered, cops can't find bodies
AZ Central | Submitted by: wingnut
Running the old shell game: "Justice officials believe inmates at Rockwood Institution have been gorging on lobster in recent weeks, thanks to an inmate who has opened up a crustacean pipeline into the minimum security jail. No items have been seized. Prison staff say they believe the evidence has been consumed by inmates in their cabins at the jail."

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Workers' wobble yellow crime
Mirror | Submitted by: Drone pilot
"Line painters took evasive action when they came across this traffic cone in their path. Rather than pick it up they decided to steer round it. And the breath-taking laziness of the botch job even drew crowds... 'Everyone thought the workmen must have had a large liquid lunch.'"

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Top polluters hijack eco-summit
Observer | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
Foxes guard chicken coop (no surprise): "Tony Blair's delegation to this month's Earth Summit in Johannesburg includes senior company bosses whose firms have repeatedly been accused of polluting the environment. The news triggered uproar from green groups last night amid renewed concern that the summit was being hijacked by big business."

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The inside poop on colon therapy
Metro | Submitted by: meatload
"The colonic is a procedure designed to remove toxins from the colon by flushing it with water. Enthusiasts cite a feeling of well-being, and freedom from fatigue, headaches and depression. I tried to relax and console myself, thinking the millions of people who enjoy anal sex can't be wrong. But of course this wasn't sex. It was a plastic speculum about an inch in diameter, and it was going up my ass."

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Killjoys use Columbine to crack down on pranking
Dayton Daily News | Submitted by: Idle Hands
"'I don't think it's fair to ask teachers and principals to be more attentive to discipline and then have them overlook things because they happened to be done by seniors at the end of the year,' DePalma said. 'We've got an obligation to provide a safe and orderly environment for students. For the sake of consistency, I don't think we can pick and choose which rules we enforce and which we don't. If that means the "harmless prank" becomes a thing of the past, then so be it.'"

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Fire Department may raffle bong to raise funds
Wire Services | Submitted by: gremlin
A shop owner's idea to fund the volunteer department.

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