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July 29, 2002

Marshmellow slapstick ends in death
Dayton Daily News | Submitted by: Idle Hands
"Samantha was sitting around a campfire at the Tremont Hills Campground with her parents. Her 11-year-old brother, Corey, was roasting marshmallows on a three-foot metal grilling fork. When one of the marshmallows caught fire, Corey began swinging the fork in a 'baseball-style motion,' deputies said. The metal fork came loose from the wooden handle and struck the girl in the back of the head. Samantha then fell and hit her head on a stack of firewood."

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A democratic right to vote in the nude
Stuff NZ | Submitted by: ogle
The official in charge of the booth was initially reluctant to let them in but after a check with voting headquarters was told the men were "exercising their democratic right to vote in the nude". It's important not to let The Man infringe on our rights.

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Fatal anal disembowlment
Independent Online | Submitted by: Anthony Buckland
Typical South African scenario: "A Zwelitsha man accused of disembowelling a woman by pulling her intestines through her rectum, which resulted in her death, was arrested on Saturday in King William's Town, police said on Sunday. Nomsa Rumbu, 41, of Zone 8, who had ninety percent of her intestines removed through her rectum died at the Frere Hospital last week on Sunday."

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Drunk worker topples crane next to WTC
Washington Post | Submitted by: Skeletor
"A 35-ton crane fell over near the World Trade Center site on Sunday while the operator was drunk, police said."

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Drinking and theology don't mix
Wire Services | Submitted by: f00f
"Drinking mixed with a dispute over heaven and hell led to the fatal shooting of a man in Johnson County early Sunday, authorities said. Four men had returned home from a night of bar-hopping in Fort Worth when they got into a discussion about who was going to heaven and who was going to hell, Darwin award candidate? You can't beat the location, Godley TX.

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Attempted murder by penis biting
Express-Times | Submitted by: Pete
"During an interview with city investigators, the victim said Onufer would assault him regularly, leaving him no time to heal, according to police. He also said she bit him all over the body, including his penis, and cut him with scissors on at least two occasions, according to police. The victim said an argument about cleaning his blood off the floor of her home sparked the May 20 incident, according to police."

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Denver will keep secret surveillance files
RCFP | Submitted by: f00f
"The panel found that the introduction of a sophisticated criminal intelligence software system in 2000 led to the entry of intelligence information into a database without differentiating between categories of information. It is estimated that the Denver Police Department retained records for approximately 208 groups and 3,277 individuals who engaged in political, religious, social or expressive activities." You may remember this from an earlier Daily Rotten. The surprising conclusion, though: "Webb agreed with most of the panel's recommendation, but said he would not destroy the files."

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Mysterious healing urine shows up at hospital
Morning Call | Submitted by: Ellis D Trippman
"City firefighters, police and a haz-mat team rushed to Sacred Heart Hospital in Allentown on Thursday morning after three plastic containers filled with an amber fluid and a note were found in the hospital's cafeteria." The amber fluid was PEE, that someone had thoughtfully left with a note to use the fluid to heal others.

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And the murder-suicide winner is: FLORIDA
St. Petersburg Times | Submitted by: Toots
"Florida has the highest number of murder-suicides in the country, but only a fraction are committed by women over 55, state records show. Of the roughly 300 murder-suicides committed in Florida since 1997, only three involved older women. Experts say it's hard to explain murder-suicides committed by older women because there are so few cases to study."

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Cubs fans lack toilet training
Court TV | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"Wrigley Field might be a baseball shrine, but people who live in the shadow of the Chicago Cubs' ballpark say it makes their neighborhood something far from sacred: a huge outdoor toilet... People arrested for using the lawns and alleyways of Wrigleyville as restrooms have been charged with disorderly conduct or indecent exposure. Disorderly conduct is a vague charge that does not carry a threat of jail time. And judges often toss out indecent exposure cases, not wanting to put such a shameful conviction on offenders' records."

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No justice for victims of Texas Nigger Roundup
New York Times | Submitted by: anonymous
A trumped-up drug investigation by one nut-job cop was enough to lock up 10 percent of the black people in Tulia, TX. THREE YEARS have gone by and lawyers still can't figure out how to overturn the sentences of the 40-some people who were put in jail for 60, 90 even 300-plus-year terms. "Most of Tulia's white residents applauded the arrests, and the local newspapers were all but giddy with their editorial approval. The first convictions came quickly, and the sentences left the town's black residents aghast." If the town won't secede, perhaps the rest of the country could expell it?

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Britney Spears has pistol packin' Papa
New Orleans Times-Picayune | Submitted by: Blue Harmony
"I had never seen a gun pulled in anger before. And I never thought that if it happened to me it would be Britney Spears' dad. We were coming there because we love Britney Spears. To have this happen was a shock."

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Catholic youth leaves Toronto a shithole
canada.com | Submitted by: lmf
"Several stores in a complex across the street from the site (Downsview Park) have been flooded with raw sewage. The store owners say in some places the waste is 10 to 15 centimetres deep. Idomo furniture store president Gerrit de Boer blamed the mess on World Youth Day. He said someone from the event dumped the waste from the port-a-potties into the neighbourhood sewer system, which couldn't handle the load."

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Learning to love Big Brother
San Francisco Chronicle | Submitted by: zoo1995
"As President Bush wages his war against terrorism and moves to create a huge homeland security apparatus, he appears to be borrowing heavily, if not ripping off ideas outright, from George Orwell. The work in question is 1984, the prophetic novel about a government that controls the masses by spreading propaganda, cracking down on subversive thought and altering history to suit its needs. It was intended to be read as a warning about the evils of totalitarianism, not a how-to manual."

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WorldCom created fake customer service VP
Light Reading | Submitted by: GreenSix
"The investigation led to a mysterious "vice president of customer service" named Thomas Barton, who wrote letters to many customers apologizing for problems. A WorldCom employee, however, told Fox 5 news that he doesn't exist, that he's a fictional character. He never returns phone calls and very rarely returns letters (nor, presumably, does he appear in mirrors)."

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Alcohol ceramic tiles in park to be censored
Seattle Times | Submitted by: Incubus
In Seattle's Eastlake neighborhood, eight hand-painted tiles embedded in the concrete steps of Lynn Street Park have been ordered to be removed by Seattle's Parks and Recreation Department. Why? Not because they are obscene, but because they make reference to alcohol. "The idea that a bum is going to take inspiration from a tile and go get a bottle of booze is ridiculous."

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Hawaiian Cock Fight
Honolulu Advertiser | Submitted by: Incubus
"Vendors were selling food and beverages from tents pitched around the area, and the smell of chicken manure rose through the steamy air as officers moved toward the 20-by-24-foot dirt "ring," which was surrounded by a few rows of makeshift bleachers and scores of ladders on which fans perched for a better view."

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Mom gets ass kicked by a fish
Richmond Times-Dispatch | Submitted by: tugboatmom
"Gainesville elementary school principal Lacy Redd, 34, was boating on the Suwannee River over the Memorial Day weekend when a sturgeon, some 5 to 6 feet long and between 130 and 150 pounds, leaped into her family's boat and knocked her out. She suffered a collapsed lung and five broken ribs."

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