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July 25, 2002

Size 18 fatty sues fast food industry
Fox News | Submitted by: BankruptDrummer
Eat at every fast food restaraunt in America 5 days a week all your life, never exercise, and then blame the industry for your obesity and health problems. The suit alleges that "McDonald’s, Burger King, Wendy’s and KFC Corporation are irresponsible and deceptive in the posting of their nutritional information, that they need to offer healthier options on their menus, and that they create a de facto addiction in their consumers."

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Happiness is: living in Switzerland
SwissInfo | Submitted by: wingnut
"the Swiss are unanimous about one thing: happiness is a country called Switzerland. That’s the finding of a nationwide survey of 853 people, aged from 16 to 76, carried out last April. The survey certainly identified some complaints: young people would be happier - or say they would be – if something new or unexpected were to happen occasionally." Something must be terribly wrong here.

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Prayer vigil against adult novelty shop
Grand Island Independent | Submitted by: Baddascii
The prayer initiative is not a protest because that's what John Haltom, who runs Dr. John's Inc. with several associates, wants, Vaughn said. Haltom told The Independent in early July that he "loves protesters" and "any kind of publicity is good publicity."

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Value of dead Afghans: worthless
Cursor | Submitted by: Scarface Tony
"By Karzai's accounting standards, the life of a dead Afghan is 'worth' only one-seven hundredth of that of a dead Chinese, one-ten thousandth of a dead Italian and one-thirty thousandth of a dead American, if her/his life is 'worth' $6,000,000 on average, as the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency has calculated."

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Singapore's Big Brother advances
Singapore Straits-Times | Submitted by: Robert Verheuvel
Surveillance taken to a new level: "The police are looking into installing security cameras in crowded areas to alert them if trouble erupts. Hooked up to computers that can detect changes in crowd size and movements, the system, which is likely to be tested in Changi Airport and the stretch of nightspots along Boat Quay, will automatically alert officers when the crowd swells suddenly or turns unruly."

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Animal Services takes out whole doggy family
Tampa Tribune | Submitted by: Idle Hands
"[After an attack on a 4 year old girl] Baby Girl was killed so officials could perform a rabies test, Armstrong said...Animal services officials said they euthanized [Baby Girl's] puppies because they do not have a program to care for nursing kittens and puppies when they have lost their mother, Armstrong said. There weren't many choices regarding where to place the puppies, so they had to be euthanized, he said."

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Wheelchair BBQ
Des Moines Register | Submitted by: BJ the Duck
"A partially paralyzed resident of a Des Moines nursing home burned to death Tuesday when flames erupted as he smoked a cigarette in his wheelchair on the facility's patio. Fire officials say an oxygen canister mounted on the rear of George R. Baker Jr.'s wheelchair might have caught fire." Future Darwin Award recipient?

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Dogs left in car during animal abuse trial
Des Moines Register | Submitted by: BJ the Duck
"A courthouse employee spotted the animals in the late afternoon and 'thought one of the dogs was dead' because it was hanging out a partially open window, said Capt. Gary Foster of the sheriff's department... Vines was barred from owning dogs in April 1999." Please note that this guy is a college professor of Zoology.

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Give me aids, Give me aids [chorus]
Tiscali World Online | Submitted by: Dr Yes
"The Tanzanian government has banned a popular dance song, because it says the lyrics promote the spread of Aids. the song contains a verse that says: 'Give me Aids, Give me Aids, Give me Aids, so that I can suffer with it.' Taraab is a popular dance style along the East African coast. It sometimes involves suggestive movements."

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Hiccup treatment shrank my penis
CNN Europe | Submitted by: corona
One truly cannot ask for a better headline.

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Catamite had it coming
Independent Online | Submitted by: hornet
A Cape Town advocate announced in court that a gay Elsies River hairdresser was responsible for his own murder because he "liked being sodomised"... During his defence of Johannes Haas, 19, Mohammed referred to the dead man variously as a 'moffie', a 'bunny' and a 'catamite', while his legal colleagues, journalists and people in the gallery cringed in their seats."

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Court affirms Barbie is a hoe
CNN | Submitted by: Crampon
"The ruling by the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Ninth Circuit affirmed an earlier victory for Universal Music against Mattel Inc., which had claimed that the sleeper hit by the obscure Danish quartet Aqua infringed on its trademark for its iconic Barbie doll and sullied her image with a song laced with sexual innuendo... "The parties are advised to chill," Judge Kozinski wrote in the judgment affirming the lower court ruling." Both parties in this suit are 100% pure evil, but miraculously this is the right decision.

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I'll take a shit bath when pigs fly...
AZ Central | Submitted by: Dominus Bishop
"A minivan driver was able to avoid two decomposing pig carcasses that came flying at him after falling from a recycling truck, but he wasn't able to duck a shower of liquefied animal manure."

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Ex-Dictator broke, living with Mom
Washington Post | Submitted by: f00f
"Valentine Strasser became the world's youngest head of state when he seized power in 1992 at the age of 25. But the limelight didn't last; four years later, he was ousted in another coup. "I'm basically living off my mother now. She's been very supportive," the 35-year-old said at a neighborhood bar on the outskirts of Freetown, Sierra Leone's capital. "It's been tough. I'm unemployed, but I'm coping." If only this happened to politicians of all stripes on a regular basis.

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Beyond the grave, dreams of meatballs
Associated Press | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"Now that he's back, Samuel wants his family to take down his tombstone from the graveyard. "I want to remove my tombstone that says I am dead," he told the state-run news agency Antara from his hospital bed in Long Bawan. "During the night I (dreamed) of eating meatballs and fried bananas but actually during the day I ate nothing."

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Legislating medical marijuana
Fox News | Submitted by: Toots
The federal government doesn't really have any power to criminalize marijuana; it is only by a distorted and illegal reading of the interstate commerce clause that they can claim this ability. And thus Congress has introduced legislation that passes the regulation of medical marijuana to the states, where it properly belongs. The feds don't like this.

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The Moussaoui Oklahoma City link
LA Weekly | Submitted by: Soylent
Some things aren't getting media play because they demonstrate total government incompetence, such as the high likelihood of the Oklahoma City bombings linkage to Arab terrorists: "If this recollection is correct, the entire incident, and its absence from the public record, raises new questions about the FBI investigation of Moussaoui and even the 1995 destruction of the Federal Building in Oklahoma City. Already the FBI has endured a withering political and media critique for failing to aggressively investigate Moussaoui and his contacts during his four weeks in custody prior to the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon."

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Thieves Cut Off Woman's Finger To Steal Ring
Ft. Worth Star-Telegram | Submitted by: Covix
Thieves terrorized a 90-year-old woman for two days, twice breaking into her house, the last time to cut off her finger and steal the wedding ring she had been wearing for almost 70 years. The ring had a custom clasp, which made it easier to remove, said longtime friend. "All you had to do was unsnap the thing. This to me was extremely cruel."

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