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July 23, 2002

Coocoo for Moon Rocks
CNN | Submitted by: MadSalad
On the heels the story 2 weeks ago of a man in Fla. being arrested for illegally owning a moon rock from an Apollo mission, 3 crazy kids decided to go into business for themselves by stealing a safe full of moon rocks from NASA and selling them over the internet.

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Blackmail by mail merge
Korea Herald | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
"The Seoul Metropolitan Police Agency said the man, identified as Cho, sent a form letter reading: 'I am working with a pornography business, and I have secured evidence that you committed adultery. Unless you send 1 million won to me, I will publicize it.' He sent the letter to over 250 business executives, police said." The spam netted $7500 before Cho was caught.

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Secret hideout linked to kidnap plot
Stuff NZ | Submitted by: anonymous
"The discovery of a hidden underground bunker in the Rimutaka Forest Park north of Upper Hutt led to last night's arrest of three men on attempted kidnapping and conspiracy to kidnap charges, Wellington police said today... The victim, who was only told of the alleged kidnap plan hours before the men were arrested, was in a mild state of shock following the news."

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Return of the Monkey Man?
Australian Broadcasting | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
"The monkey-man attacked and injured my son-in-law Joginder Singh on Friday night when he was sleeping on the rooftop of my house," a newspaper quoted Bhagwat Sharan Singh of Patna's Mainpura colony as saying. Some even alleged the creature "jumps and sparkles red and blue lights". Others described it as resembling a machine, operated by a remote control and "handled by anti-social elements to terrorise people".

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Gifts fit for a... president
BBC | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
In case you're ever wondering what to give George W. Bush as a gift, take a hint from the following BBC report: "In spite of being a teetotaller, United States President George Bush received more than 70 bottles of wine last year, according to an annual report from the US State Department." Seeing as Dubya claims he doesn't drink anymore, what does he do with all that wine? Does he hand it off to his daughters, who show every sign of taking up where their old man left off?

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Severed Heads!
canada.com | Submitted by: Halifax
"Canadian military police investigating a disgraced soldier for his role in a botched 1998 bank raid seized disturbing 'trophy photographs' of severed human heads from the soldier's barracks." Article complete with photos!

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Sheep mass suicide
WKMG-TV 6 Orlando | Submitted by: Rio
Four hundred sheep plunge to their deaths.

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Man stomps kitten in front of kids
WKMG-TV 6 Orlando | Submitted by: Rio
"A man who stomped a kitten to death in front of some children has been sentenced to probation. Timothy Paules Jr. was working at a pet store in Gilbertsville, Pa., last October when he killed the kitten, as the hildren were waiting to buy it."

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Wedding melee crackdown
Minneapolis Star Tribune | Submitted by: bammer
"Guests, some of whom were drinking, surrounded five Columbia Heights officers who responded, police said. Dozens of officers from seven agencies then responded to a call for help, using a chemical irritant and a police dog to gain control." Drinking at wedding receptions, what next?

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Banned From The U.S.A.
Media Awareness Project | Submitted by: Scar
Do American laws apply equally? Of course not. "The [Canadian] Justice Minister has admitted smoking dope - will U.S. bar him? If there is equality under the law, and there is no difference between a teenaged helper in an old folks' home and one of Prime Minister Jean Chretien's top cabinet ministers, then Justice Minister Martin Cauchon has some work cut out for him before he next visits the United States."

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Pay attention to your irrigation system
New Jersey Online | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"Police and Fire Department officials came upon the $60,000 worth of marijuana plants when responding to a call of water leaking through the ceiling of the apartment below, Weehawken Deputy Police Chief Robert DelPriore said yesterday. Also found in the 20- by 20-foot room was a safe containing about $100,000 worth of pure cocaine, said DelPriore."

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Keine Musik für Neo-Nazi Faschisten
Associated Press | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"Authorities have arrested three men in connection with a plan to produce and distribute compact discs of banned neo-Nazi music that calls for the murder of politicians, entertainers and police officers, the Berlin prosecutor's office said Tuesday. The three, identified only by their first names and last-name initials, are accused of planning to reproduce the CD "Notes of Hate" by the neo-Nazi rock band White Aryan Rebels."

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Asthmatic Civil War re-enactor dies in "battle"
Intelligencer | Submitted by: Reid Fleming
During a battle in Pennsylvania last Saturday, 46 year-old Joseph Rumley of the 69th Pennsylvania Irish Volunteers suffered a ruptured thoracic aneurysm. Wearing two layers of clothing and carrying a 9-pound musket in the 90-degree heat, Rumley collapsed to one knee and croaked. What claimed this proud soldier in the prime of his life? Was it the heat? The asthma? The hypertension? The arteriosclerosis? We may never know. But one thing is certain: Joseph Rumley's battlefield death has earned him entrance to Re-Enactor's Valhalla.

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San Francisco Gold
San Francisco Chronicle | Submitted by: Pete
"Leno envisions growing cannabis on vacant city property and says the program could double as agriculture job training for the city's unemployed. He mentioned the grounds of Laguna Honda Hospital -- the city's long-term care hospital -- as a possible location." Of course, the feds are threatening to bust them....

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Fraud and a mummified corpse
St. Petersburg Times | Submitted by: Toots
This story is much more complete than those previously available. "Hours later, the manager and a deputy shined a flashlight inside Burton Smith's mobile home and made the discovery. 'Oh, my God. That's him. He's in there dead,' said the manager, Laura Roth. Sheriff's spokesman Lenny Uptagraft said the body was in a mummified state."

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Affluent rats
CNN | Submitted by: Toots
"Dry conditions have driven rats from their usually well-hidden nests to forage for water and food in the wealthy neighborhoods of Beverly Hills, Santa Monica and Pacific Palisades."

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Mass circumcision in Kabul
Reuters | Submitted by: Phatlor
The Turkish Army holds a circumcision party and all the boys are invited: "Divided into groups of eight, it took just one nervous wail to get everyone else crying, but once the local anaesthetic took effect they calmed down and generally looked on at the goings-on between their legs with keen interest."

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Hartsfield Airport Security Totally Fucked
Atlanta Journal-Constitution | Submitted by: Incubus
Federal plans for bomb detection machines at Hartsfield Atlanta International Airport would result in three-hour waits and lines of passengers out into the rain, airport general manager Ben DeCosta said. DeCosta wants Hartsfield to use a system of 22 to 28 truck-sized CTX 9000 bomb detecting machines--a CAT-scan technology--to screen the estimated 133,000 bags a day that are checked on flights leaving the airport. That could take two years or more, but it would be a permanent solution that would provide better security in the long run, he said. It should be noted that Hartsfield is one of the busiest airports in the world.

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Mmm Mmm Good
Atlanta Journal-Constitution | Submitted by: Incubus
An Atlanta television station sent its investigation crew to follow a special traffic unit on Georgia 400, dedicated to police commercial vehicles, for a story on trucks carrying inedible food through the state. Within an hour, they found their target. "Got some chicken," he said. "Got some flies flying around it. They don't smell too good," said enforcement officer Anthony Cutroneo.

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Rumors of our deaths greatly exaggerated
Milwaukee Journal Sentinel | Submitted by: anonymous
What happens when you ask the staff of a newspaper to write their own obituaries for the newspapers own files? Why, hilarity of course! "When 23 of us didn't write our obituaries, the editor sent a second memo and explained sensitively why he needed our obituaries; he was worried that our deaths would mean more work for him. Most staff members wrote that they died peaceably of old age, but I recall one reporter had himself being garroted, another was shot and the environmental reporter wrote that he drowned in a septic tank "collecting information for another series on pollution." He also applauded himself for being known "throughout the state for his grasp of sewage."

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Al Sharpton cocaine deal video on HBO tonight
Associated Press | Submitted by: Reid Fleming
Tonight HBO plans to air video surveillance of Al Sharpton discussing a cocaine deal with an undercover FBI agent. The video was recorded in 1983 as part of an FBI sting operation investigating boxing promoter Don King's alleged ties to organized crime. More shocking than the cocaine deal itself, the video shows Sharpton wearing a cowboy hat while gnawing on an unlit cigar. Classy! The tape will appear on HBO's "Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel" [which is probably the only sports show on television worth watching if you hate sports].

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Tickertape has fun at Bush's expense
Washington Post | Submitted by: Incubus
Both Fox and MSNBC exaggerated the size of their stock tickers and minimized the size of the president's big head during the Bush speech on the economy, highlighting the falling numbers which actually had nothing to do with the president. Said the Fox News chairman: "It did give a false impression. We shouldn't have done it. If the market goes down 400 points while the president is speaking, that doesn't mean he drove it down 400 points. There are too many other factors."

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Thai police brutality: plastic seared penis
Bangkok Post | Submitted by: Mullah Omar
"An autopsy subsequently carried out by Dr Pornthip Rojanasunan, a forensic expert attached to the Justice Ministry, found that the victim had died of a heart aneurism as a direct result of a severe beating. His penis also was seared by burning plastic."

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Newspapers fuck over paperboys
Wall Street Journal | Submitted by: Incubus
"Nelson Chong Gum was zipping across the street on a motorized scooter one Sunday in January, delivering the Honolulu Star-Bulletin, when a van hit him. The 14-year-old paperboy spent 12 days in the hospital. The injury left him with a disfigured leg and medical bills so far totaling more than $80,000. The Star-Bulletin, owned by privately held Black Press Ltd. of Canada, isn't legally obligated to pay those bills. The industry has argued for decades that the children aren't employees, but are 'little merchants,' independent contractors who buy papers wholesale and sell them at retail prices."

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UN Troops fire flare up Somali vagina
Washington Post | Submitted by: Mullah Omar
"The impulse to begin an indigenous Somali human rights movement came after Belgian soldiers serving with a U.N. intervention force tied up a young boy and held him over a fire in 1993, and Italian [U.N.] soldiers inserted a flare inside a woman's vagina."

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Do you often find diamonds in your anus
The Namibian | Submitted by: Mullah Omar
"Sodam chose a physically unorthodox, but nonetheless doomed, method to try to get a parcel of the unpolished gemstones out of the mining area. He stuck a parcel of 20 diamonds totalling 23 carats and valued at N$78,000 up his anus. When he tried to carry it through a security checkpoint, an X-ray machine picked it up."

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Dead glow in the dark koalas
CNN | Submitted by: anonymous
"Koalas killed by cars are to be painted a fluorescent red and left on the side of roads for 24 hours... 'I think leaving dead koalas on the road for 24 hours is going to frighten young children,' said councilor Alan Beard."

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