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July 20, 2002

Seal dies of coin overdose
Aftenposten | Submitted by: Max
"A five-year-old seal who was one of the star attractions at Bergen's aquarium died Friday after visitors had used him as a wishing well. The seal's stomach was blocked by coins... Doctors said they already had extracted nearly 40 Norwegian coins from the seal's lower abdomen."

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Inmate plucks out eyes
Macon Telegraph | Submitted by: Eye Witness
"A schizophrenic man who was jailed after wandering into traffic and knocking on doors late at night gouged out his own eyes in his cell, authorities said Friday... Smith had no injuries to his eyelids or face, which almost certainly would have occurred if someone else attacked him... "The only thing he said was that somebody put ink in his head, and it was clouding up his thinking."

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Man Shoots Girlfriend To Test Bullet Proof Vest
mcall.com | Submitted by: Ellis D Trippman
Casey was wearing a bulletproof vest but suffered a broken rib and cuts, according to district court records. Casey told police the couple were ''just goofing around''

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Cannabilism at Grandys?
Daily Ardmoreite | Submitted by: Aut0mated
"A dispute over a food tab Wednesday resulted in a local restaurant employee being accused of taking a bite out of a customer."

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Fat daughter sits on mother, ending in death
Wire Services | Submitted by: anonymous
"An overweight Bastrop County woman has been charged with killing her mother by sitting on her... Linda Akin, 28, is accused of sitting on Catherine Akin's back and smothering her into the floor. Linda Akin weighs nearly 350 pounds and has a history of psychological problems."

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Burglar stuck in car he burgled
Gainesville Sun | Submitted by: UFSassy
"A Gainesville man was discovered by police after he allegedly broke into a car and couldn't get out. David Christopher Lander, 51, of 10013 NW 13th Ave. was arrested early Thursday morning after he was locked inside a car he was burglarizing, Alachua County sheriff's spokesman Sgt. Keith Faulk said."

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Fecoterrorism
Hometown Channel | Submitted by: Blade Jones
"Two charitable organizations in Fayetteville [Arkansas] this week received Manila envelopes filled with human feces in their mailboxes, police said... Upon capture, the suspect will face charges of making terroristic threats, police said."

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Condoms for Catholics
Eye | Submitted by: yesguy
"'To have a gathering of 200,000 young people and not hand out condoms is just irresponsible,' she says. '[At WYD] in Paris in '97, there were condoms being handed out all around, but there was just no plan for that here in Toronto.' "The condoms, donated by Durex, will have either a logo of an angel with 'Challenge the Church' inscribed on the package, or the message: 'If abstinence isn't working for you... don't leave it up to your guardian angel.'"

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Four Retards and a Prostitute
News and Observer | Submitted by: pedroman
"A group home worker hired a prostitute to have sex with four mentally retarded boys because he wanted to provide "a little fun" for them, a prosecutor said Wednesday... both Garrison and Holden were encouraging the boys to take part in what they described as something that "may happen only once in a lifetime."

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Buckle up, it's the squeegee cops
Globe and Mail | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
The Burnaby RCMP traffic section has launched a covert program to catch people not wearing seat belts. For the past three days, police officers dressed in casual summer clothes have darted into intersections with squeegee and spray bottle in hand, says Constable Phil Reid, spokesman for the Burnaby RCMP."

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George Michael: Olympic songwriter?
BBC | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
Fate does strange things. Consider the case of George Michael, currently persona non grata in the U.S. of A. because he dissed George W. Bush. Now, the Athens Olympic committee has asked him to write their theme song. Why? Apparently Michael's Greek roots impressed them more than his politics. Either that, or it's how he looks in a leopard thong, leaping on top of Cherie Blair.

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Mad scientists attend secret annual conference
SignOnSanDiego | Submitted by: Reid Fleming
"In its 42-year history, no Jason [organization] press conference has ever been called. Tape recorders are banned from its sessions. Window blinds are drawn. The CIA has been among Jason's sponsors. The mood seems akin to the mountain fastness of Los Alamos, N.M., where some of these scientists haved worked. On rare occasions there have been leaks about hearty laughter, as when one Nobel laureate arrived in La Jolla with his foot in a cast, explaining that when his trash compactor broke down, he decided the scientific solution was to kick it."

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Postman attempts package delivery to 9 year old
Dayton Daily News | Submitted by: Idle Hands
"The man told the girl to come over. She and a friend walked to the rear of his Postal Service truck, where he grabbed her left hand and tried to pull her closer. Her friend pulled her back. He then asked why she wasn't wearing a bra and asked to see her breasts if he paid her $20 the next day. She said no, ran home and called police."

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Funeral procession road rage
Dayton Daily News | Submitted by: Idle Hands
"Michael Mullins, 33, was among the mourners in a 30-car procession Monday for the funeral of his uncle, Jimmie Hatfield, when the driver of a Camaro cut in and out of the line of cars. When the procession stopped at an intersection, Mullins got out of his car and ran toward the Camaro. He first began punching the Camaro, breaking its windshield and T-top. Then he punched the driver and shoved him into the windshield."

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Flamer attacks cops
Louisville Courier-Journal | Submitted by: KYJelly
"Jones then took out a lighter and ignited the gasoline on himself as he walked toward the door of the house. As he opened the door, one officer grabbed him and tried to stop him. Jones, still aflame, broke free and jumped onto the back of a female officer, Redmon said."

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Sex ads win Cannes Press Grand Prix
Advertising Age | Submitted by: Ash
"Sexual acts: The intricately art-directed print campaign features scenes of vacationing 20-somethings that, on closer inspection, include an array of erotic situations." Three different ad campgains that show how dirty the human mind can make a wholesome activity. They are indeed billiant.

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Patient flees with IV bag, needle in his arm
Lawrence Eagle-Tribune | Submitted by: anonymous
"A man ran from the emergency room at Holy Family Hospital Wednesday night clutching an intravenous bag filled with the painkiller Demerol... [he] presented his identification to medical workers, which he left behind, and will be sent a summons to appear in court on a charge of theft of a controlled substance." Apparently they had to dig fairly deep to find an appropriate charge against the man.

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Hold my beer while I shoot at this helicopter
Hampton Roads Daily Press | Submitted by: caffeine banshee
"I'm in big trouble," he said. "If that helicopter didn't land, I wouldn't be out there shooting at it. I have no idea how this happened." The son of a New Jersey police officer, Chwaszczewski said he grew up with the motto "Shoot first, and ask questions later." He doesn't think that police or his neighbors agree.

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Digital recording may turn off free TV, says TBS
Nando Times | Submitted by: Cyclograph
TBS chairman Jamie Kellner once again opens his stinking hole and whines about how the public is stealing from networks by not watching ads, likens TiVo and Replay to Napster. "Don't think for a moment there's a free lunch involved in this," Kellner told the Television Critics Association. Viewers could end up paying about $250 a year above any cable or satellite fees, he said, based on his own rough calculation.

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Fire juggler kills 26
Wire Services | Submitted by: nick
"A fire sparked by a plume of flames blown by a fire-eater ripped through a packed disco in the Peruvian capital on Saturday, killing at least 26 people and a lion and tiger in the show... a plume of flames from a fire-eater set the curtains alight. The disco show also featured a lion, a Bengal tiger, a horse and a monkey in cages."

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Discount plastic surgery
New York Times | Submitted by: Mary Shelley
"Ms. Lopez said she had second thoughts (about the unlicensed botox injections) only because of Ms. Fernandez's appearance. "I got nervous because it looked like she had on a mask," Ms. Lopez said. "She's ugly."

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Have a Coke and a bullet in the head
Scoop NZ | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"In Colombia, Coca-Cola's connections to paramilitary groups through its subsidiaries allegedly facilitate the harassment of the company's organized workers. SINALTRAINAL recognizes these ties, calling Coca-Cola one of "the most notorious companies in Colombia." Moreover, it maintains that Coca Cola "keeps open relations with the brutal death squads in its drive to intimidate union leaders." Not exactly an unbiased source.

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Monkey business in the Mediterranean
MSNBC | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"They must have peeled almost every single banana before they realized there was no cocaine," an official of the European Anti-Fraud office, OLAF, told Newsweek. "Even then it took a while to sink in that the contraband was the bananas."..."It [the cargo] is not about the bananas," says Gianfranco Ferranti, a spokesman for Italyís tax police, the Guardia di Finanza, in Rome. "In fact, Italians arenít particularly fond of bananas," he says."

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A very bad place for forest fires
Radio Free Europe | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"Hundreds of hectares of forestland and peat bogs are burning in the Belarusian regions of Homel, Brest, and Mahileu. In 1986, all three of these regions absorbed much of the radioactive fallout of the Chornobyl nuclear disaster. A 1,700-square-kilometer plot of land in Homel remains fenced off to this day, and a number of villages in Brest and Mahileu have been permanently evacuated."

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Janet Reno Dance Party
CNN | Submitted by: Toots
"The fund-raiser was billed as a way to attract young people in her campaign to unseat Republican Gov. Jeb Bush. Polls show Reno leading Tampa lawyer Bill McBride in the Democratic primary but trailing the president's brother by double-digits." What do you do when both candidates are notoriously evil?

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Dallas animal control buries dog alive
Dallas Arena | Submitted by: anonymous
An improperly euthanized dog was uncovered still alive at Dallas Landfill. Comments written by reader: "Dallas has become such a scummy city. The $6M that was supposed to be used to build a new animal shelter and train the employees has disappeared but the city financed a beautiful new stadium for some of the richest business owners in Dallas. The city officials I have tried to contact about the problems at animal control are to busy to respond... I guess kissing big business ass is a time consuming job. Please put this on your web page and help us shame Dallas for it's sorry ass actions."

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