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July 14, 2002

Media coverage of Catholics equals Hitler!
National Post | Submitted by: R.G. Frano, A-EMT-4-Paramedic, A.C.L.S.
"A leading candidate to become the next pope says the coverage of sex abuse scandals in the United States represents a "campaign of media persecution against the entire Catholic Church" on par with attacks under Adolf Hitler... "There are many people in the hierarchy, cardinals, who believe there is an axe being ground against the Catholic Church."

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Suicide leap thwarted by 35-cm gap on tracks
Mainichi Daily News | Submitted by: wingnut
"A disabled man has miraculously escaped with his life after botching a suicide attempt at a subway station here, police said Saturday. But the 58-year-old man is more depressed than ever after landing on the train tracks, but leaving a 35-centimeter gap that proved sufficient space for a train to pass over him." Lots of cheeseburgers and fries before you try again, dude.

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Cadaver found in 2000 year old mystery fluid
Agence France-Presse | Submitted by: Mike Abson
"The corpse of a woman who died more than 2,000 years ago has been found well preserved in a mystery fluid in eastern China. The body of the woman, who was believed to have lived during the Western Han Dynasty (206 BC - 24 AD), still had some of her skin, muscle tissue and veins."

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Now let's raise our Slurpees in a toast
Straits Times | Submitted by: Leth
"I figured if I got married at 7.11 on 7/11 in 7-Eleven, it'd be hard to forget my anniversary... We met here so we didn't consider getting married at any other place." But since the 7-Eleven wasn't good enough for this white trash couple, they brought in beach sand for a tropical theme. Compare with our earlier Wal*Mart wedding story.

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The harassing pornographer
Reuters UK | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
"Goldstein posted the phone number and address of where his ex-wife works and ran ads in his sex magazine "Screw" every week with the same information, the complaint said... "His long-standing disrespect for the criminal justice system is a matter of public record. This defendant has never missed an opportunity to show that he has no respect whatsoever for the laws and courts of this state."

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Best not be saying NIGGER
WGAL-TV 8 Lancaster | Submitted by: Charlie Robertson
"A man who used a racial slur in Lancaster was sentenced to 30 days in jail and fined $200. "As we passed in front of the two gentlemen who were standing here they said the word nigger," DeSalle said. DeSalle flagged down a detective who told the women they could file a harassment charge. The Pennsylvania crimes code describes harassment as any course of conduct or repeatedly committed act which alarms or seriously annoys another person and which serves no legitimate purpose." Keepin` it real.

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The Vaseline Ghost
South Africa Sunday Times | Submitted by: RPMaximum
An older story, but alarming nonetheless: "A family say they are being terrorised by an invisible creature which moves their beds and breaks objects in their home. "When we sleep blankets are removed from us and our bodies are smeared with lotions which are in the house," said father of four Masite Sejake. "Sometimes Vaseline is smeared on us." [And they aren't checking for sodomy??]

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Do you want fries with that sermon?
Birmingham Post-Herald | Submitted by: anonymous
"In order to help their busy members, leaders at Brentwood decided to open a McDonald's restaurant in their church community center. According to a McDonald's spokesperson, the Brentwood site is the first restaurant to operate within a church." Quoting one of the deacons, "A lot of us have children. When we have different meetings and functions at the church, a lot of time you don't get to stop and get something to eat. This will make it more CONVEEENIENT." Say it with Churchlady voice.

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Iran persecutes Californian for dancing
BBC | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
"Although many Iranians dance at private parties, especially weddings, the ruling clerical establishment frowns on such behaviour, especially when it involves the mingling of the sexes. For unmarried people, even to appear in public together is a punishable offence, though it is only sporadically enforced." What is rather peculiar about this case is the individual involved is a resident of California, and he was just visiting Iran to attend the funeral of his mother. American legislators should take notice of such unintended effects when they attempt to extend American extraterritoriality on the behavior of individuals other countries. It will bite us in the ass.

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Followup on cryogenic major leagues
New York Post | Submitted by: Phatlor
"Bob Breitbard, a longtime friend of the baseball legend, said he knows why John Henry is so desperately waging his fight to freeze his father: it's all part of a macabre plot in which he plans to also freeze himself so he can one day take the field with dad, baseball's greatest hitter." A sweet thought, but a bit creepy.

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