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July 11, 2002

Love Nebraskan Style
Lincoln Journal Star | Submitted by: The Noon Lover
When engaging in sex play (particularly when it involves branding with hot pokers), it's always best to set a safeword: "After two days in Wayne, the Texas man said he realized he wanted to go home, but Van reminded him of previous e-mail messages between the two that instructed Van to punish his "slave" even more severely if he "freaked out" and tried to escape."

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Sniper record set in Afganistan
Toronto Star | Submitted by: Darryl
This is one for the Duff Book of World Records: "A world-record killing shot by a Canadian sniper detachment in Afghanistan could never have been made with the ammunition they were issued when they left Edmonton last winter, the triggerman said in a recent interview... The U.S. rounds, they discovered, 'fly farther, faster,' said Cpl. 'Bill', a 26-year-old native of Fogo Island, Newfoundland."

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Anthrax attacks were an inside job
Straight Goods | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
With this amount of people in the know, the name in question is probably certain to be made public in the near future: "Kristof confirms that the identity of the prime suspect is well known in media and government circles, although he chooses not to name the name. "If the suspect were an Arab national, he would have been imprisoned long ago. But he is a true-blue American with close ties to the US Defense Department, the CIA and the American biodefense program."

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Stoner population boom for Nevada soon
CNN | Submitted by: anonymous
Nevada is considering decriminalizing the possession of small amounts of marijuana. "Most people think law enforcement resources would be better spent going after terrorists, going after murderers, rapists, and other violent criminals." Well, Dippidy DUH.

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Drag queens in hilarious catfight
Stuff NZ | Submitted by: Spookbabe
"Initial plans to insert a brick in the handbags to improve distance were abandoned, a wise move considering the mood of contestants. Primed by a morning session at the pub, the queens quickly decided handbags made admirable weapons, starting a cat-fight of epic proportions."

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Class, let's share needles!
Standard-Times | Submitted by: Phatlor
"Widespread incredulity followed the disclosure that in May 2001 a Keith Junior High School teacher asked for student volunteers to prick their fingers with a shared lancet that was part of his diabetes testing apparatus. The blood was then examined by individual students under a microscope."

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Lenny and Squiggy face hard time
Seattle Post-Intelligencer | Submitted by: ian m.
"Two men authorities dubbed Lenny and Squiggy because of their resemblance to the 1970s TV-sitcom characters will be charged in federal court this week with 11 bank robberies... Tacoma police Detective Larry Andren explained to the men that he named them after the duo that often appeared on the television show Laverne and Shirley. Like the fictional characters, one suspect was tall and slender, the other short and stocky. "They weren't upset... They understood. Their show's been canceled."

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Shopaholic defense falters
Seattle Post-Intelligencer | Submitted by: ian m.
"A woman who embezzled more than $240,000 but got off with probation by claiming to be a "shopaholic" who had run up huge credit card bills must go to prison after all, an appeals court ruled Wednesday.... [U.S. District Judge Matthew F.] Kennelly gave her a break, acknowledging that chronic depression had caused her to go on out-of-control shopping sprees... The appeals court agreed that Roach suffered from depression and had "turned to unnecessary and excessive shopping to relieve the pain."

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Woman assaults cop with dentures
Sun | Submitted by: Brewmaster
"Bridgette Hewerdine was yesterday ordered to pay a policeman UKP 100 for assaulting him with her false teeth. Hewerdine, 41, whipped out her gnashers and threw them in the officer’s face after a row over a packet of cigarettes."

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Firearms instructors shoot students
Des Moines Register | Submitted by: BJ the Duck
"Two Boy Scout employees in charge of firearm safety at a popular summer camp in Boone have been fired for allegedly shooting BB guns at other Scouts. One 15-year-old counselor suffered a serious eye injury that could result in permanent partial loss of vision."

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Angry man drops trou at airport
South Florida Sun-Sentinel | Submitted by: Skeletor
"After one of the screeners asked him to turn his belt over, Danselme became irate, dropped his pants and said, 'Is this good enough?'" At last check, "Danselme was still at Miami-Dade County's pretrial detention center Wednesday with bail set at $500."

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