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June 27, 2002

Boy advised to write WWJD on his penis
Pioneer Press | Submitted by: george_lazenby
"Sunday school teacher Todd Warren, 42, who asked a 16-year-old boy to write "What would Jesus do?" on his penis has been sentenced to a month of work release in Ramsey County, Minnesota. Warren also asked to boy personal questions about sex, masturbation, and homosexuality." But what would Jesus do on a boy's penis?

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Trusted computing will rob you blind
Ross Anderson | Submitted by: Soylent
The greatest theft in the history of mankind is underway, the theft of our engine of technology and innovation. A consortium of companies, led by Microsoft and Intel, are designing a trusted computing platform that is designed for "security". No, it won't stop viruses or make it more secure for YOU; the security is for those large companies who write software or those big studios who create big money content. The user loses out. This is a very complicated issue and it's difficult to understand, but we all will be robbed blind.

Read article... and This article...

Vatican renounces torture
Toronto Star | Submitted by: Soylent
Going against the inertia of tradition, Vatican City has announced it will sign the 1984 United Nations treaty on torture, previously adopted by 130 other nations. [Insert Monty Python joke.]

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Wood you believe this?
BBC | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
Blocking signals from cellphones using wood panels: "hey work by sandwiching a layer of nickel-zinc ferrite between thin slices of wood, New Scientist magazine reports. The magnetic ferrite absorbs much of the energy of the radio signal, cutting the phone dead in most cases."

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Bomb targets tard facility
KMIZ-TV 17 Wichita Falls | Submitted by: Epicurious Crabcake
Police were called to the Judevine Center on Keene Street Wednesday morning after an employee found a half-exploded bomb next to the front door. The center is state run and serves the parents of autistic children." Comments by submitter: There's been a detailed story about this on the TV news. It had footage of the damage and described the construction of the bomb, a cardboard tube filled with fireworks and other objects.

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Doctors cover for unfaithful husband
Stuff NZ | Submitted by: Biggles
"The couple's doctors who worked at the same medical centre decided to cooperate to grant the husband's request that the nature of his condition and his infidelity be kept secret from his wife. On receipt of a positive test result for gonorrhoea, the woman's doctor told her only that she had a bacterial infection requiring treatment with antibiotics."

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Yo Momma insult makes football thug cry
Daily Telegraph | Submitted by: Clove
"The hand-written sign greeted the Maroons as they took the field at Stadium Australia and was clearly visible...Tuqiri verified the sign had said 'Gordie's mum's a f...ing pig'...Queensland coach Wayne Bennett said Tallis was extremely upset and he had to console his skipper. 'He had tears in his eyes about it,' Bennett said."

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Turn back to channel one at once!
Moscow Times | Submitted by: george_lazenby
"Two years ago, it came to the attention of the Press Ministry that Yekaterinburg broadcaster ATN was mesmerizing its unwitting viewers with an undetectable sit and watch only ATN command. As a result, in August of 2000, the company had its broadcasting license revoked." Russia is still struggling with this practice, however.

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Sesame Street: Gaza style
Jislamia | Submitted by: Wessoman
What if Sesame Street was located in the Gaza strip? Amazing photos of Arab youth being indoctrinated into the culture of violence. Check out the little girl with "blood" on her hands.

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Panda porn plan to rouse breeding
The Advertiser (Adelaide) | Submitted by: Spookbabe
Porno considered helpful: "Now what Xinhua called 'sex education lessons' are becoming standard for all male pandas entering adulthood at the centre. The latest participant was Didi, who was placed in front of a television set on Tuesday, his sixth birthday, to learn the facts of life. "Didi seemed to like his gift immensely, as his eyes were glued to the screen while it showed a couple of giant pandas mating."

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Stressed teachers abuse students in China
Straits Times | Submitted by: Spookbabe
"Nearly 70 per cent of China's primary and secondary school teachers suffer from an inferiority complex which causes them to abuse their young charges, such as physically assaulting them or even, in one case, asking them to swallow houseflies."

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Cleanliness is next to eczema
London Telegraph | Submitted by: Phatlor
"But the more the children were washed the more likely they were to have the conditions, particularly severe eczema, lending more credence to the "hygiene hypothesis", which suggests that too much cleanliness inhibits the child's natural immune responses to everyday bacteria."

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Giraffe murders pastor, then suicides
Sydney Morning Herald | Submitted by: george_lazenby
"A giraffe suspected of killing a US pastor at a luxury hotel in Kenya leaped to his death from a cliff. The animal had been injected with a tranquilizer just prior to its death. The dead giraffe's hooves are being examined for bloodstains."

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Men want easy sex
AZ Central | Submitted by: Mike Antkowiak
Surprise! Men have decided that they would rather have casual sex with various women than commit to just one. These same trend setting men also want to marry their soulmate instead of the first floozy they bang in a one night stand. Major revelations in this one.

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Rotten gene-pool management
International Herald Tribune | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"We've been waiting 16 years for an answer," said Mark Kauffman, an Amish farmer whose four profoundly handicapped children thrashed spasmodically in wheelchairs and a crib before the watchful gaze of the visiting physician...The Amish, like other close ethnic groups, have high rates of inherited disorders because of the sudden emergence of recessive genes passed through generations."

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Jaguars injured in fondue accident
Yahoo! Sports | Submitted by: The Big KaBlaam
"Jacksonville Jaguars kicker Jaret Holmes and punter Chris Hanson were severely burned when a fondue pot slipped and overturned. Hanson sustained first- and second-degree burns on both hands and his right ankle... Hanson's wife, Kasey, sustained second- and third-degree burns that required skin grafts... They were moving the fondue pot when it slipped onto the tile floor in his house. 'Then, my wife fell into it'". D'oh. Some questions: first, who eats fondue anymore and second, how do you fall INTO a pot of it?

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India proposes legalizing porn
BBC | Submitted by: Son of Benway
Finally something sensible on the porno front: "India's chief censor has proposed legalising the country's pornographic film industry to allow the screening of hardcore movies in cinemas... "Anything that titillates the libido will score big in the marketplace," said well-known Bollywood producer-director Mahesh Bhatt. "It's high time the government realises this and makes money by streamlining the illegal transactions of pornography."

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Must Not See T.V.
Wire Services | Submitted by: crampon
"Hoping to capitalize on the phenomenal success of MTV's "The Osbournes", the newest reality show that follows the rocker Ozzy Osbourne and his dysfunctional family, Liza Minnelli and David Gest are contemplating their own reality show. Should this idea come to fruition, the couple would be filmed weekly from their New York City apartment, both alone and with fellow entertainer friends like Michael Jackson and Elizabeth Taylor." Kill yourself already.

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Voodoo curse called terrorist threat
myCFnow | Submitted by: Rio
"The package contained a paper bag with human hair taped outside and unknown contents inside. The bag contained a voodoo curse, the letter said. "Several folks have stopped by and called to find out what was going on... They are asking about my well-being, which is nice. But I feel fine. I don't think the curse is working."

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Why wait to die to live in the cemetery?
Wire Services | Submitted by: Phatlor
"Dubbed 'Ghoulish Terrace' by critics, the proposal by the 170-year-old Glasnevin Cemetery in north Dublin to build 11 luxury townhouses inside its walls was seen as infringing on the national heritage and an exercise in questionable taste."

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