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June 22, 2002

Pentagon fears giant Hot Dogs on Wheels
Kansas City Star | Submitted by: Ted
"Ever since the terrorist attacks on Sept. 11, Route 110 has been off limits to vehicles with six wheels or more because of concerns that someone could drive a truck bomb close to the home of the nation's defense department." Especially bombs disguised as giant hot dogs.

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Graduation denied over Mary Magdalene issue
Newsday | Submitted by: Anthony Denaro
"There was a piece in there by Mary Magdalene saying she was in love with Jesus ["I Don't Know How to Love Him”] and I knew I wasn't going to sing that song. The rest of the words were not very holy either,” said Gaffey, of Amityville, who turns 17 next week. She asked to be excused during that medley or not to participate in the concert. Instead, in April she was removed from the chorus."

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A good role model for the community
Peoria Journal-Star | Submitted by: Gutter Juice
Peoria police still refuse to release details about the DUI arrest and accident Sunday involving one of the department's top officials... [Police Captain] Benne's blood-alcohol content was 0.162 percent - more than twice the legal limit - when he was stopped in a city-owned vehicle along Interstate 55 northwest of Bloomington-Normal at 4:50 a.m. Sunday, court documents say."

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Neighborhood pussy dispute
St. Petersburg Times | Submitted by: Toots
A neighbor trapped this girl's cat and gave it to animal control, who had it put down. The nice neighbor then notches it up it another level: "On Wednesday, when she looked at the fence, she saw that its 6 foot high wooden planks had been painted bright pink, with the words "Meow, Meow" aimed right at her daughter's bedroom window."

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Queen to Streaker: All is Forgiven
Mirror | Submitted by: Phatlor
"I felt bad about streaking in front of the Queen, so I wrote her a letter. I told her I was sorry if I caused any offence and that I'd been selfish and insensitive at a time when she lost two of her family. I also said I hoped she saw the funny side. The Queen represents everything that is British and streaking is a comical tradition in this country."

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Fireman charged with looting WTC
New York Post | Submitted by: Phatlor
"A former New York City firefighter was charged with stealing personal items, including a wedding photo,from the World Trade Center while he volunteered in the recovery effort, police said."

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Child torture in Saddam's Iraq
BBC | Submitted by: Phatlor
"In northern Iraq, the only part of the country where people can speak freely, we met six other witnesses who had direct experience of child torture, including another of Saddam's enforcers (now in a Kurdish prison) who told us that an interrogator could do anything: 'We could make a kebab out of the child if we wanted to.' And then he chuckled."

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Petco boiled toad, suit charges
Reuters | Submitted by: Phatlor
"[San Francisco] is charging the No. 2 U.S. pet supply store [Petco] with stocking plenty of other dead, diseased and disfigured animals, ranging from a moldy turtle to a toad that had been boiled to death in its own cage."

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Party destination for pathetic drunken Brits
Guardian | Submitted by: anonymous
"By midnight, girls are rolling around on the ground, a teenager all in white, her blonde hair scraped up in bunches, is stained in a red liquid and finding it hard to stand. Two others are walking up the street, clutching a bottle of cheap Greek red wine, saying: 'This'll get us totally wrecked.'"

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Man goes to hell, Preacher gets beaten
WRAL-TV 5 Raleigh | Submitted by: Bwana
A blunt eulogy leads to a broken nose for the preacher. Even drunkards and fornicators deserve a little respect.

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Work for doctors treating suicide bomb victims
Pittsburgh Post-Gazette | Submitted by: anonymous
Suicide bomb survivors sometimes must tolerate body parts of their attacker embedded inside them: "One lady's lungs were damaged by a piece of her bomber's bone. She survived the attack and subsequently healed with the terrorist's bone still lodged in her lungs. 'Now she's going around begging surgeons to take it out', upset that she carries a piece of her attacker."

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The Demolition Road to Cairo
Middle Eastern Times | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"After Mamdouh swerves to avoid a truck carrying spring onions, he leans out of his window to scream obscenities at the driver disappearing rapidly in the opposite direction. He spits out pumpkin seeds as he explains, "drivers don't care much for speed limits. There aren't many police patrols around anyway.." Cresting a hill on the wrong side of the road, Mamdouh is too late to avoid a donkey, and sends it and the rider hurtling through the air."

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The smartest kid in Norway
Aftenposten | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"A teenager armed with fake requisitions from the non-existent Russian embassy, Hordaland division fooled Bergen businesses into parting with merchandise worth about $130,000... During the months he worked his scam, the inventive 19 year old had widescreen TVs, DVD-players, video cameras and other equipment delivered to his home."

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Fighting spastics with Mr. Crowe
Sydney Morning Herald | Submitted by: Son of Benway
CROPPER: Can he fight? MERCER: No, absolutely not. He was just fighting spastics. CROPPER: He's just had a bad night on the piss. MERCER: But you have to see him f---ing punching people. CROPPER: He can't fight. MERCER: Nah, he's belted three people and they've all stood there and there's like nothing wrong with `em.

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F***ing stupid soccer f***ing idiots
ic South London | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"The BBC has apologised for accidentally broadcasting a swearing outburst by its World Cup pundits. Alan Hansen and Ian Wright made their comments after the England defeat, thinking they were off the air. The Mirror reports Hansen was asked which match was next up and replied: "It's the f***ing Krauts." Wright reportedly said: "Seaman was f***ing five yards off his line. And what the f*** was he [Eriksson] doing taking Michael Owen off?"

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Garfield and Friends robbed
Wire Services | Submitted by: george_lazenby
"Raul Galaz of California has admitted to one count of mail fraud after posing as the rightful owner of the horrible cartoon "Garfield and Friends" and collecting over $328,000 in royalties doled out by the Motion Picture Assn. of America."

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