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June 21, 2002

Ultraman in deep shit
Mainichi Daily News | Submitted by: LucrezaBorgia
"It comes as something of a shock to learn that Ultraman, or his latest alter ego in the form of actor Takayasu Sugiura, is now facing charges for pounding a schoolboy friend of his little brother... Superhero Sugiura even had the hide to demand the pummeled boy pay him 450,000 yen in cash as a "nuisance fine" because of the time he needed to thrash him."

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Did you see Kyle?
New Haven Register | Submitted by: Gar
High School Yearbook: $50. Buzzcut at your local barbershop: $13 Making an otherwise boring group photo memorable by giving a Sieg-Heil salute: Priceless.

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The queen of raunchy porn
AlterNet | Submitted by: metaload
"Sex in Borden's films is almost always violent. Urine, excrement, blood and spit are prominent. Many films feature witches, Satan, robots, aliens and assorted otherworldly creatures... This is a woman whose filmography includes such gems as "Fossil Fuckers" (geriatric women having sex with young men), and "Cocktails" (post-coital women drinking vile concoctions of vomit and bodily fluids)."

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Imprisoned drug lord has missile delivered
Washington Times | Submitted by: anonymous
"As absurd as it might seem, it was verified that from within the prison, prisoners can acquire military arms used by international forces like Stinger missiles," said the statement sent to UPI. The statement went on to list other types of weapons such as grenades, rifles and ammunition that prisoners can acquire "to equip their subordinates [on the outside] to maintain control" of their criminal empires.

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Boy suicides over hair-do
Mercury | Submitted by: Spookbabe
"A 13-year-old Turkish boy has committed suicide after a row with his father for copying the wide-stripe Mohican hairdo of Turkish star Umit Davala, it has been reported here."

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Cesspool widow set to clean up
New York Post | Submitted by: Phatlor
"Michael LoBasso, 35, was killed on Labor Day when he tumbled into the waste tank in their Huntington Station home... Hershenhorn said the firm failed to warn the family that an old, drained cesspool might collapse if walked upon."

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Idiot with Matches Rescued by Idiot in Helicopter
AZ Central | Submitted by: anonymous
With most of the southwestern United States going up in flames, and with stupid city-dwellers watering their lawns for hours in the midday sun, the champion of all idiots decided to get lost in a forested area of Arizona (a state in the midst of the worst drought in 50 years) and then set a signal fire. A news helicopter rescued her, nobody extiguished the fire, and as of this writing 180 acres are burning. Luckily, she is doing just fine...

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Floating toilet pisses people off
myCFnow | Submitted by: Rio
"Officials in Sacramento recently installed a controversial floating restroom in the middle of Lake Natoma because boaters were not taking the effort to use the facilities on land. "When I rode down there on my bike and seen this out-house sitting in the middle of the lake I was just appalled." Aceituno said. (with pic and video)

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Cheap fizzy liquor replacing beer in Japan
CNN Money | Submitted by: metaload
Happoshu, which means "fizzy liquor", contains less malt than beer in order to avoid taxes imposed on beer, defined as 2/3 malt. It doesn't taste as good as beer, but without the tax it's much more affordable and will get you just as schnockered.

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Philly papers want one-legged mobster porn
Citypaper | Submitted by: Phatlor
"The video, starring Billy Rinick, a one-legged minor-league mobster and may-be murderer who once hid under boss Joey Merlino's bed while the boss' wife was home with him and dressed only in sleepwear, is now the center of a tug-of-war between Abraham and the Philadelphia Inquirer and Daily News." It was played in court and now it's public information. D'oh.

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DOJ to fight for library censorship
Wired | Submitted by: metaload
BushCroft & Co. just can't take 'no' for an answer. The US Department of Justice has announced it will appeal to the Supreme Court a May ruling that struck down forced Internet censorship in libraries. The Children's Internet Protection Act was ruled unconstitutional because the content filtering it required also blocked constitutionally protected free speech.

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Queens girl stabs self, hides in dumpster
Newsday | Submitted by: Waingro
"A 12-year-old Queens girl, distraught about an argument yesterday with her mother, stabbed herself in the abdomen then ran off and hid in a Dumpster, police said... It was not immediately clear why the girl, a top student at IS 109, stabbed herself."

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Jail has hungry moat monsters
Wire Services | Submitted by: BankruptDrummer
Escape from Panama jail, get eaten by crocodile.

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Sex slave contract
Appalachian News Express | Submitted by: DeAnimus
A Pikeville, Kentucky detective will file criminal charges after an investigation into sexual slavery contract between a local couple. Ike Jason England entered into a 25 year "life slavery" contract with 22 year old Amanda Pinion, though both parties deny the agreement is serious.

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Does beheading hurt?
New Scientist | Submitted by: Soylent
"Antoine Lavoisier, the French chemist who lived between 1743 and 1794, was caught up in the revolution and faced beheading. He asked friends to observe closely as he would continue blinking as long as possible after being killed. He was reported to have blinked for 15 seconds after decapitation."

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