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June 14, 2002

Monkey gets herpes from meatball
Independent Online | Submitted by: george_lazenby
"Thailand's most famous primate, Mike the orangutan, whose "wedding" to Taiwan born Zuzu attracted thousands of people to a huge celebration eight years ago, has contracted herpes... from eating inappropriate foods, such as meat balls, offered by human visitors to his cage at the zoo." Doth the zookeeper protest too much?

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Toyota Corporation insane
New York Post | Submitted by: Waingro
"The new Toyota flying machine will cost about the same amount as the carmaker's vaunted Lexus luxury car - around $50,000 - and will be as simple to fly as driving a car... The lightweight aircraft, which was tested in skies above the Mojave Desert two weeks ago, brought raves from Toyota's brass in Tokyo."

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Zero tolerance for being IT
Los Angeles Times | Submitted by: Incubus
"The principal of Franklin Elementary School in Santa Monica became it when she banned the children's game of tag, for reasons that included issues of self-esteem, from the playground late last month."

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Ninjas close Detroit freeway
MSNBC | Submitted by: george_lazenby
They were driving a Ford Escort and appeared to be pointing a gun out the window. Police caught the men on surveillance video from a squad car. "You have two people out in broad daylight in full ninja suits, who you believe have a firearm in the vehicle, and the passenger appeared to be waving out the car at us when we were behind them." A sword was found by officers later.

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That was no ladycop
Stuff NZ | Submitted by: JS Kiwi
"Auckland, New Zealand police are warning people to be on the alert for a transvestite posing as a policewoman with a stolen police uniform, handcuffs and pepper spray." Police say that "anyone approached by an apparent policewoman who fitted the description of being about 22, fat, with long dark hair, and 5ft 7in tall, should be on their guard"

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Bejing News retracts Onion tears
Los Angeles Times | Submitted by: zandperl
Bejing News retracts an article plagiarized from the Onion regarding the U.S.'s "inadequate and obsolete" capitol building. Even though they've finally distinguished fact from fancy, they still have trouble discerning lies from satire.

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Al-Qaeda wants to kill 4M Americans
memri.org | Submitted by: Frigga
Mostly a propaganda peice, Al Quaeda's spokesman explains why the group is out to war with the U.S, and why they retain the "right to kill 4 million Americans - 2 million of them children - and to exile twice as many and wound and cripple hundreds of thousands." The article seems to miss the fact that the US was on the Muslim's side in Bosnia.

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Boy dies after falling into manure pit
Elkhart Truth | Submitted by: poppybrite
"Daniel accidentally fell into a manure pit on his family's farm near the Fulton-Miami County line Tuesday and died in what Miami County prosecutor Will Siders called a tragic accident... The tank is 6 feet deep and has a 30-inch opening at the top."

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Wheels fall off bus for 18th time
Baltimore Sun | Submitted by: SansACause
"Wheels fell off a Maryland Transit Administration bus last night for the 18th time since August, forcing investigators, who thought they had the problem nearly licked, to scramble anew for answers... One of the 200-pound wheels rolled 10 feet forward onto a grassy embankment. The other toppled over beside the bus."

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Voices told mother: COOK THE BABY
Montgomery Advertiser | Submitted by: Oukachiru
"State and local authorities have charged a Coosada woman with attempted murder after she placed her 14-month-old daughter in a hot oven, at the urging, she told authorities, of voices in her head." Article comes complete with a photo of their trailer home.

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Woman cuts man's buttocks off
Wire Services | Submitted by: Lizzie
"A woman enraged at her boyfriend attacked him with a utility knife and cut off nearly all of his buttocks, leaving him near death on a dark, rural road, a prosecutor said Thursday."

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Slayer made son torch dad
News Corporation | Submitted by: Mark Knipe
"His son, who was diagnosed with schizophrenia at age 17, admitted to police he stole petrol to ignite the fire after smoking marijuana and listening to a track called Diabolis in Musica by the band Slayer. 'It was sending me a message to kill my father. I can't stop listening to it, can't stop, I have to listen to it all the time... forward murder, it said,' he told police."

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The case for banging your students
CNN | Submitted by: Teacher's Pet
"Prosecutors had argued for a jail term. But Judge Bruce A. Gaeta disagreed, saying the relationship may have been a way for the boy to 'satisfy his sexual needs'... 'I don't see anything here that shows this young man has been psychologically damaged by her actions. And don't forget, this was mutual consent,' Gaeta said, according to court transcripts." An overview of such cases.

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He can do this show nine more times
Wire Services | Submitted by: Creataweb
"Wielding an ax before a bewildered audience, a French performance artist chopped off his pinky finger in a gory show meant to symbolize the loss suffered by the kidnapping of a Colombian politician."

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Jackalope hunted down in suburbia
Omaha World-Herald | Submitted by: Bear
"I knew I couldn't walk up close enough to shoot it," Blankenau said. "So I got into my truck and drove up there. It was sitting among some bushes,and I shot it. I'm an archery hunter, and I have very strong ethics. Yet here I was, road hunting a rabbit. My bowhunter friends may blackball me." Looks like hunting season just got a bit longer.

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Police state? What police state?!
Atlanta Journal-Constitution | Submitted by: pete the anarchist
Residents of Forsyth County who speak out against their government officials may do so at their peril. two political activist were arrested and then jailed for alleged aggressive behavior against county officials.

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Now, it's wallabies
This Is London | Submitted by: anonymous
"A malicious marsupial broke into a house in Henley-on-Thames, leaving a trail of blood on a smashed window. And a motorist from the same town told how a bounding wallaby overtook her as she drove to the shops."

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Law on the side of pissing teen
AZ Central | Submitted by: george_lazenby
"A state appeals court ruled Tuesday that a judge erred when it found a 14-year-old boy delinquent for criminal damage to property by urinating on the floor of a post office. The Wausau, Wisconsin, court found that peeing on a hard floor doesn't damage the floor because it can be cleaned, not repaired." This is what democracy is all about.

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Hemp hats at the Church of the Universe
canada.com | Submitted by: george_lazenby
"A judge has allowed two advocates for the legalization of marijuana to wear their colourful hemp-woven hats in court because it is the regalia of their religion." The judge also agreed "to the requests of Michael J. Baldasaro and Walter A. Tucker to be addressed as "reverends."

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Crayon fight drives teacher insane
New York Daily News | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"A substitute teacher picked up a broom and went berserk in a first-grade Washington Heights classroom yesterday — whacking children in a wild melee that sent 20 kids to the hospital bloody and bruised, cops said...The children screamed for help as Nunez swung the broom, pummeled them with his fists and grabbed their heads and ears about 2 p.m., cops and kids said."

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Terminal gramma raped in hospital toilet
Independent | Submitted by: metaload
"The frail 71–year–old married victim was on a mixed ward at King's College Hospital, south London, when she was raped in a toilet yards from her bed at 2AM on May 1."

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US threatens invasion of Netherlands
Expatica | Submitted by: AntiGuru
"The Dutch parliament was shocked by a US legislative proposal giving an official green light to a US invasion of the Netherlands should it be deemed necessary to free US citizens from the International Criminal Court in The Hague... Terpstra said the US refusal to sign the court's treaty was its right, but found the legislative proposal for military action went too far."

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7 Up forced to pull rape ads
Globe and Mail | Submitted by: Kathy
7 Up has been forced to stop airing ads which make fun of prison rape because 'Stop Prison Rape', a U.S. prisoner-rights group, felt they "made light of the "serious physical and psychological injury" suffered by victims of sexual assault in jail". Updating a story of several weeks ago.

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Microsoft distributed NIMDA virus
c|Net | Submitted by: Soylent
"Microsoft accidentally sent the virulent Nimda worm to South Korean developers when it distributed Korean-language versions of Visual Studio .Net that carried the virus, the company acknowledged Friday."

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