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June 13, 2002

The ghastly ordeal of Sewer Boy
Reuters UK | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
"A Canadian teenager is recovering in hospital after surviving a five hour nightmare in a subterranean river of filth and human waste. Officials were surprised that Christopher Watt, 15, was still breathing after being swept away by a foul brew of bath water, river run-off and human waste after gaining access on Monday evening to a 1,320 mile labyrinth of sewer pipes under Ottawa."

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Moronic American couple marries in WalMart
Rocky Mountain News | Submitted by: DonnyJepp
"The bride was standing there, next to the rack of Q-tips, almost regal in a rose-colored gown, a pink ribbon fastened in her hair. He was outfitted in a black and white cowboy shirt, black trousers held up with a leather belt that said "Robert," and black cowboy boots."

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Insurance Co threatens to sue dead girl
The Age | Submitted by: Spookbabe
"An insurance company has apologised for sending a demand for damages to a 15 year old Melbourne girl who had been killed after being hit by a car. [Alec Slamin] and his wife Jenny were told by an AAIG senior recovery officer that Fiona was liable because the accident was her fault."

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Theft a security threat to G-8
Canoe | Submitted by: philter
"A Canada-wide alert and a cash reward have been issued after thieves broke into an Ottawa immigration enforcement office and stole weapons, body armour, uniforms and computers." And just in time for the G-8 summit.

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Oslo police barking up the wrong tree
Aftenposten | Submitted by: viking
"A father who claimed he merely tried to distract his quarreling children by pretending he was a dog landed in an Oslo jail cell for disturbing the peace with his barking."

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Man sentenced for beating invading bugs
Sacramento Bee | Submitted by: Gno Name
A man described by a judge as "an evil monster" was sentenced to 25 years in prison for using a baseball bat, metal pipe and golf club to attack a 12 year old Halloween trick-or-treater on his doorstep... He later told authorities he thought Hernandez and two companions were bugs trying to invade his home."

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Cinderella in the 'hood
Baltimore Sun | Submitted by: anonymous
"Officers pursued a suspect about three miles to Eastern Boulevard and Wilbur Road, where he got out of the car and lost a shoe. Police said a man seen limping nearby was arrested after a roadside shoe-fitting. No gun was recovered."

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Man guilty of cutting off puppydog tails
myCFnow | Submitted by: Rio
"It took only one day for a guilty verdict to be returned for an Ohio man who used a box cutter to slice the tails off his puppies. The 54 year old man cut the tails of his four Labrador retrievers earlier this year at his Clermont County home." Until boxcutters are banned, the hijackings and puppy dog tail cuttings will no doubt continue.

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Real-time military spy satellite feeds!
Center for Public Integrity | Submitted by: RoboChrist
"For more than six months, live pictures from U.S. aerial spy missions have been broadcast in real time to viewers throughout Europe and the Balkans. The broadcasts are not encrypted, meaning that anyone in the region with a normal satellite TV receiver can spy on U.S. surveillance operations as they happen." With sexy photos.

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Deep Sea Monster Lives
CNN | Submitted by: Harmonica
"Scientists have revealed a mysterious recording that they say could be the sound of a giant beast lurking in the depths of the ocean. Researchers have nicknamed the strange unidentified sound picked up by undersea microphones Bloop."

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Cops blow up suitcase full of diapers
Bristol Herald Courier | Submitted by: Blowy
"Three explosions echoed through downtown Bristol Wednesday afternoon as police blew up a mysterious black suitcase delivered to a television station. The series of blasts left disposable diapers, jars of baby food, pages from a book and parts of a hair dryer strewn across Lee Street, but nothing harmful was uncovered. The suitcase was blown up to destroy it in case it contained explosives." It also contained what looked like a study guide to the Koran.

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Taco Bell mass food poisoning
Napa News | Submitted by: philter
About 100 people have now reported to the county health department that they got sick after eating at Taco Bell on Jefferson Street... Gannon said the number of reports from the representative Taco Bell sent to Napa was 72 cases, not 100 and was perplexed that the county had offered that number..."

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Israeli Suicide Bomber betting pools
Guardian | Submitted by: george_lazenby
"Betting on Eilat, a Red Sea resort that has not seen any violence during the past 21 months of Israeli-Palestinian fighting, is a long shot at 17-1, while often-hit Jerusalem was given odds of 1.5-1. Bets begin at 10 shekels ($1.40), the betting sheet states, adding that bets only count for attacks of "Arabs against Jews and not the opposite."

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Man breaks crypt, shakes corpse at son
Zwire | Submitted by: namowal
"King is charged with breaking and entering, disinterment and mutilating a corpse after he allegedly entered the Mabley family crypt at the Oak Hill Cemetery in April and May. "He tried to scare his son," Cristobal said. "He pulled out a body and shook it at him."

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Father-Son bonding gone awry
Gainesville Sun | Submitted by: neon
A Gainesville father-son burglary team was broken up on Tuesday, after a man came home to find his home burglarized, and proceeded to capture the little scamp, who was running away with his stuff. "This kid definitely is going to need some serious counseling. He's a good little burglar - he has the ability to carry it off multiple times without getting caught," said the investigating officer.

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Critters, and critter heads, impaled all over
Pittsburgh Post-Gazette | Submitted by: anonymous
"It started with the severed head of a baby bird. Then there were two black beetles and a decapitated lizard -- all found impaled on the thorns of small citrus shrubs in John Henry's backyard on Padre Island, Texas... "It's the exact behavior of the loggerhead shrike," said Tony Amos, a bird expert with Animal Rehabilitation Keep."

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Streetsweeper with a taste for old people
Boston Globe | Submitted by: Mighty Tim
"A street sweeper moving about 2 miles per hour knocked down and killed an elderly pedestrian in Charlestown yesterday, dragging her into the machine in front of the Bunker Hill Monument."

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Driver, wait here while I rob this store
Newsday | Submitted by: Waingro
"According to police, Muller used a car service to get to and from his robbery targets, and he had the driver wait for him. He would put on a disguise, enter the stores, pretend he had a weapon, and demand cash. He then returned to the waiting car."

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