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June 05, 2002

Teenyboppers protest clogged toilets
Press-Telegram | Submitted by: CrayolaCrime
"About 25 students, many from Poly High, gathered in front of Long Beach Unified School District headquarters to protest what they called abysmal conditions of bathrooms at several schools." But best quote of all: "My daughter got an infection from holding it too long."

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If at first you don't succeed
WTSP-TV | Submitted by: Toots
On Monday Michael Antinori crashed a helicopter into a house. "A witness said the helicopter was hovering over a nearby apartment complex before the crash. Other witnesses said they saw the craft dipping up and down over Tacoma Trails Park" On Tuesday morning, Antinori left the hospital and got his death wish by crashing his Cessna in some nearby woods. Folks, there's an easier way to do these things.

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New advances in cat torture
NBC30 | Submitted by: JAX
"Authorities said that Jill Mazurek tortured and killed her roommate's cat, Adonis, in February. Mazurek allegedly shaved the cat, drew on it with markers and threw it in Silver Lake before beating it to death with beer bottles."

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Top secret jet parts up for sale on eBay
Fox News | Submitted by: george_lazenby
"Rogue nations such as Iran routinely seek replacement parts for their U.S. manufactured military planes, officials told the magazine, and the eBay sale could have easily been used to provide supplies." Not just any plane either: parts included those for an SR71 Blackbird.

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Loose Lips Can Sink Ships!
Advertising Age | Submitted by: z0rak187
The NSA has decided to go retro in their efforts to get your average G.I. to keep their fucking mouth shut. Remeber folks, we are at war goddamnit! Bonus for getting the NSA to answer a few questions about the campaign.

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Indiana State Police baffled by naked man
Frankfort Times | Submitted by: Bored In Indiana
According to the Indiana State Police, a resident of the 50 block of Orchard Drive in Rossville discovered a naked man lying on her kitchen floor shortly before midnight. When the resident approached the man, he ran out of the house, entered a neighboring home and was later arrested by the Indiana State Police."

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Requiem for Krusty the Clown inspiration
Willamette Week | Submitted by: Sideshow Bob
"Rod Anders played straight man to a circus of low-rent TV amusements, effortlessly fusing kitsch and sincerity. After news of Anders' sudden death at 69 from a stroke, longtime Portlanders, including me, were forced to stop and consider his death, their childhoods and Mortality... Rumor is that Krusty the Clown is said to be loosely modeled after Rod."

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It's easier to play than to watch
Sify | Submitted by: wingnut
"Mukunda Dey, according to local police, was fatally electrocuted when he was changing channels. To grieve his death, his distraught mother then attempted suicide by pouring kerosene on her clothes and setting herself on fire."

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Candy for Fecophiliacs
UPI | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"...The cartoonish animal-shaped containers dispense jelly beans -- preferably brown -- from their backsides by pushing down on the legs. The original Reindeer Poop has been joined by the Oops a-daisy (the cow), The Little Pecker (a chicken based on a small toy Walker had as a child) and a number of other plastic animals, several of which also are available in key chain versions."

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Body parts found at Canadian hog farm
Canoe | Submitted by: Pandora
"The families of at least 50 women missing from Vancouver's gritty downtown eastside were in shock Tuesday after news reports that at least one head, along with the feet and hands of two women, were found in a freezer at a pig farm."

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LA schools ban 'hopscotch on crack'
Tiscali World Online | Submitted by: crack_ho
"Schools in Los Angeles have taken the unusual step of banning the C-walk, a tiptoe dance devised by the Crips, a notorious street gang. The Los Angeles Times reported that the dance, which looks like "hopscotch on crack", is usually performed to fast-tempo hip-hop and rap music, and has caught on among teenagers nationwide."

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UK man chops man, then flees to USA
Times | Submitted by: Stephen Nutley
Richard Markham from Basingstoke, England, chopped off the head and limbs of Tristian Lovelock, then booked a taxi to Heathrow airport where he boarded a plane to the USA. He was last seen in New York city. "Airport security pictures released by detectives yesterday show Richard Markham, 27, as he waited for the New York flight just hours after the murder of Tristian Lovelock." Markham is apparently obsessed with martial arts films - You wouldn't think so, would you?

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