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May 21, 2002

Scientist creates featherless chicken
London Telegraph | Submitted by: Cannabis Kid
"His red-skinned prototype - called the naked chicken - might have looked faintly ridiculous at its first official outing yesterday, but it is being heralded as the high-speed future of chicken farming. Not only will the birds not need plucking, so speeding up the slaughter process by vital tens of seconds, but cooler chickens grow faster."

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Six months too much jail for ballsy thief
Globe and Mail | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
"John Collinson was jailed last month after he and a helper were caught red handed by police with 1,158 balls plucked from the bottom of a lake on the Whetstone Golf Club in central England. Mr. Collinson had spent 10 years in the so-called "lake ball" business, donning diving gear to scour the ponds and lakes of Britain's golf clubs for balls to resell."

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Copy Proof CDs Cracked by Magic Marker
Wire Services | Submitted by: Mr. Ramon
"Technology buffs have cracked music publishing giant Sony Music's elaborate disc copy-protection technology with a decidedly low-tech method: scribbling around the rim of a disk with a felt-tip marker. 'I wonder what type of copy protection will come next?' one posting on alt.music.prince read. 'Maybe they'll ban markers.'

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Mr Chuckles has last laugh
Stuff NZ | Submitted by: JS Kiwi
"Shoppers were startled by the sight of a young man being pursued at great speed by a clown in full costume, complete with multi-coloured wig and red nose. "

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The dicks of Enron
BBC | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
Looks like Playboy won't be the only one featuring nude ex-employees of Enron; now, Playgirl will follow suit, says the BBC: "'Enron made me bare it all,' said Mark Zebrowitz, who worked as a production manger for Enron Oil & Gas in India. 'That's all they left me with.' "Ronald Williams, who worked for the firm's broadband unit in Houston, said the word 'Enron' looked worse on his CV than nude modelling. 'The only thing I am hoping for is future employment without the Enron stigma.'"

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Pub penis bashing
Stuff NZ | Submitted by: joseinshikoku
"A senior officer of the controversial prison emergency response unit has admitted putting his penis on the bar of a Canterbury pub and letting his boss bash it with a beer bottle... He denied that the act reflected the macho culture that engulfed the now-disbanded ERU, better known as the goon squad, but did not explain further."

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Censorship of the Arts
CNN Europe | Submitted by: SrpskiPrinc
"Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi has been accused of censoring a play said to contain caricatures of him and his government."

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Nine hired to kill 15,000 kangaroos on army base
AZ Central | Submitted by: SweetSpot
Shooters gathered Monday to begin killing as many as 15,000 kangaroos on grasslands within an army base in southern Australia, after the population exploded and the animals began starving... The animals will be shot in the head, and their carcasses buried in mass graves on the base. The operation will take three months and cost about $385,000."

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Waste of good pussy
ABC TV affiliates | Submitted by: anonymous
"I saw a little white kitten just fly with its arms and legs out and I realized that somebody was tossing kittens," said Susan.

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The Rugby Snack
Independent Online | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"My finger looked like something out of a horror movie," said Virgil Wepener on Monday. "While the referee was deciding whether this guy had scored a try or not, he bit my finger. I did not feel the pain immediately...My friend came over and picked up the piece of flesh and put it in my pocket. Only then did I realise that it was actually burning."

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Catholic school girl was actually a hussy
newstimes.com | Submitted by: questionable
"But Christina Long, at 13, according to police, was already promiscuous beyond an adult’s years, living in the fast lane in a child’s body. At her own Web site — whose name includes the phrase "sxyme4utosee" — she tells visitors "maybe if i get to talk to ya u can here more about my dead sexy self."

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Foreign woman to be stoned for getting raped
AZ Central | Submitted by: Dominus Bishop
Her crime: She had been raped. Her sentence: death by stoning. "Thumping a fat red statute book, the white-bearded judge who convicted her, Anwar Ali Khan, said he had simply followed the letter of the Koran-based law, known as hudood, that mandates punishments."

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Promise not to rape little boys again...
Seattle Post-Intelligencer | Submitted by: Dominus Bishop
"Roman Catholic bishops should avoid telling congregations their parish priests sexually abused someone if the bishops believe the priests will not abuse again, a Vatican official said... "From a canon law perspective, the bishop and the superior are neither morally nor judicially responsible for the acts committed by one of their clergy."

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Detroit goes octopus crazy
CBS 2 New York | Submitted by: Dave
"Octopus tossing is a hallowed, if illicit, part of the playoff ritual for hockey's Detroit Red Wings. On Monday night, the Wings' sister team, the Detroit Tigers, which have the same owner, revived the custom in a promotion for the Red Wings."

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Missed Shuttlecock Results in Anal Impalement
Mainichi Daily News | Submitted by: Cannabis Kid
"Police said that the victim made a mistake during a game of badminton he was playing on a lunch break on Dec. 20 last year. Four classmates responded by holding him face down on the ground, while another three rammed a 1.6-meter long, 1 centimeter thick metal rod into his sphincter and anus, seriously injuring him."

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Teacher's blunder puts porn on school screen
Guardian | Submitted by: Morning Wood
"A maths teacher at Marlborough College public school, in Wiltshire, is on sick leave after accidentally screening 13 minutes of internet pornography on to a giant monitor during an exam. Seventeen pupils concentrating on AS level mock exam papers three weeks ago did not at first notice as their invigilator, Richard Jowett, settled down in front of his laptop."

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