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May 11, 2002

Dead illegals suing U.S. for lack of agua
Washington Times | Submitted by: Mr. Ramon
"The families of 11 Mexicans who died while trying to cross into Arizona through a portion of desert called "Devil's Path" are suing the U.S. government for not building water stations in the area to facilitate their successful illegal entry into the country."

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The beauty and horror that is Hawala
Laissez Faire Electronic Times | Submitted by: Soylent
"The ad luridly carried two newspaper headline clippings: "US tells India to regularize hawala transactions" and "US treasury nudges India to tackle hawala networks". And who was it that took out the ad, all in great concern and alarm that Indians in Dubai might send money to the folks back home in New Delhi, and upset the poor little U.S. Treasury? Western Union."

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Military develops toys that could easily get out of hand
San Francisco Chronicle | Submitted by: Anonymous
Among them are stink bombs, gas-mask clogging polymers, and rubber-eating bugs. Wait, wasn't that last one the plot to "The Andromeda Strain?" And wasn't it a BAD thing?

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He ain't heavy, he's my son
Taipei Times | Submitted by: Jesus
"Sixty-five-year old Liu Kuei-lan in the northern city of Keelung has carried her 32-year-old mentally challenged son around for 30 years to ensure that he does not suffer the scourge of bedsores. "He ain't heavy, he's my son," says Liu, who weighs 40kg, whenever she is asked how she can carry her 82kg son on her back." The real story here is the media putting those words she didn't say into her mouth.

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No Trespassing!
Salon | Submitted by: Derek C.
The U.S. Department of Energy has anthropologists, archaeologists, linguists, and even astronomers designing signs and landmarks to deter future cultures from digging up our radioactive waste at Yucca Mountain. And "they're not talking about slapping up a few signs with a red circle and diagonal line over a mushroom cloud or a glowing mutant..." The project is estimated to cost taxpayers $200 million; personally, I think a $20 placard with skull & crossbones and "fuck off" in Latin would suffice.

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Man runs out of shark bait, uses 12 year old girl
News Corporation | Submitted by: wingnut
"A man threw a 12-year-old girl overboard from a moored boat into a school of feeding reef sharks, a court has been told. The girl was thrown into the water about midnight as part of a 'joke'... Craig Ian Rattigan faced Nhulunbuy Magistrates Court charged with doing a dangerous act while under the influence of alcohol and cannabis."

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Cop rapes teen girl in his squad car
Sacramento Bee | Submitted by: vroman
"A Sacramento police officer charged with multiple sexual assaults raped a 16-year-old girl in the back seat of his patrol car before taking her to Juvenile Hall, where he assaulted her again, according to a court affidavit obtained Tuesday." Maybe so, but he has the best smirk ever.

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He shoots, he scores...some jail time!
Globe and Mail | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
"Former Truro Bearcats centre Frank Curto, 21, was charged yesterday with assault with a weapon causing bodily harm and assault causing bodily harm... The charges stem from an incident on March 21 in which a fan was struck with a puck shot into the stands after the final game of a Maritime Junior Hockey League playoff series between the Bearcats and Amherst Ramblers."

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Dan Quayle likes Ozzy's family values
AZ Central | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
Just in case you were wondering what former veep Dan "Potatoe" Quayle has been up to lately, AZCentral.com has an update: "Ozzy Osbourne may be a drug-addled, satanic-rock star, but at least he?s no Murphy Brown... Quayle?s comments came a decade after he drew both praise and ridicule for saying the media was 'mocking the importance of fathers' by having popular sitcom character Murphy Brown become a single motherQuayle said much has changed since then, including welfare reform that emphasizes work rather than single motherhood, grass-roots movements such as Promise Keepers to promote fatherhood and a general consensus that marriage is a good thing." Yes, but is marriage to either of THESE guys a good thing? One's drug-addled, the other is just plain addled.

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Waiting in line for the pet cemetary
KGW-TV 8 Portland | Submitted by: Groovy Ghoulie
"Officers found [over thirty] dead and decomposing animals including a pig, rabbits, chickens and other fowl," said Sandy Police Chief Dale Scobert. "Other live animals were without food or water, in various stages of starvation."

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Former Scientologist Collects $8.7 Million
Washington Post | Submitted by: Crazy Quagga
Creepy cult of Scientology finally forked over the dough to tortured ex-Dianetic Lawrence Wollersheim, who suffered heinously under their thumb. "Wollersheim, who ran a small photo business, joined Scientology in 1969 and later became a recruiter. He signed a 'billion-year' contract to serve the church but says that he ended up being punished in a 'thought reform gulag,' consigned to the hold of a ship docked off California for 18 hours a day. The ship was part of a mini-navy assembled by L. Ron Hubbard, the science fiction writer who created the church in the early 1950s."

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Drunk hobos beat the shit out of each other
CNN | Submitted by: heptapod
People are up in arms about a video called BumFights prompting the video's producer to defend his product on CNN. The product features "drunk bums beating each other silly", "a homeless man referred to as Rufus the Stunt Bum going down a flight of stairs in a shopping cart" and much much more! All the vagrants were compensated with food, clothing or money for booze.

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