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May 09, 2002

Residents find phallic tree upsetting
Santa Cruz Sentinel | Submitted by: wingnut
"A Westside resident called the cops Monday to report an allegedly phallic tree. Officers responded to the Liberty Street home but found no wrongdoing. They said the 20-footer — actually an evergreen hedge of the Luma genus — is protected by its owner’s right to artistic freedom."

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Dumb bill threatens to outlaw photography
Wired | Submitted by: Soylent
Florida representative Rep. Mark Foley (R) has introduced CMEPA, a bill intended to outlaw nonpornographic child exploitive images, but in fact outlaws any image of a child not hawking some product. Even award winning press photos would be outlawed, including the 1972 napalm image from Vietnam which won that year's Pulitzer. [Maybe she could sell Nair.] When confronted with these idiocies, Rep. Foleys office stated "There's nothing new here." How did this guy get elected, again?

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Kennedy cousin provides new hairstyle
Hartford Courant | Submitted by: Shock C
"Carver said the metal shaft also was driven through Martha's neck from the right side through to the left side. The trajectory was apparent, he said, because the shaft drove a long strand of her blonde hair through her throat. The autopsy photos show the hair driven into a hole beneath her right ear and exiting in a strand about three inches long from the hole in the left side of her neck."

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More Hazards our Intrepid Journalists Face
Greensboro News-Record | Submitted by: NarcoleptionReflux
"Police say Steven Venable falls into the latter group, [people that don't get mad, but get even] ramming his truck, not once, but twice, into the Kernersville News' building on Mountain Street. Venable, 39, of Winston-Salem, was angry about a story that the News printed in August 1999."

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Lap dance kills man
Ann Arbor News | Submitted by: vertigo
"It started out as an investigation into what some believe was a deadly delay between the time a patron at a topless bar suffered a heart attack April 21 and the time someone called for help... informants told detectives that dancers at the bar have sex with clients in upstairs rooms at the bar, that the sex is videotaped, and that there is drug dealing at the bar as well as other illegal activity."

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Expose yourself to Royalty
BBC | Submitted by: Jamie
"A streaker caused a security alert when he ran in front of the Queen's Rolls Royce during her visit to Newcastle-upon-Tyne. The young man bared his all to the Queen and Duke of Edinburgh before being led away by police officers on Tuesday."

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Reporter rescue necessary during TV safety special
Portland Press Herald | Submitted by: Spooky
"A local television reporter was rescued by divers when she was unable to escape from a submerged car while filming a news segment on how to get out of dangerous situations. Shannon Moss, a reporter for WCSH-TV known for her "Get Out Alive" specials, was not injured in the incident, which happened about 10 a.m. Monday at a boat launch in Durham, according to the Androscoggin County Sheriff's Department."

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Mailbox terrorist planned big smiley face!
CNN | Submitted by: jimmy
"Accused mailbox bomber Lucas Helder told authorities he was planting pipe bombs in a pattern to show a happy face during his five-state weekend cross-country spree." Later in court: "If you do make a statement, it could be used against you," the judge said. For sure, Helder replied." Like totaly radical dude!

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Man arrested after erecting giant Ass Statue
myCFnow | Submitted by: Rio
"A Seminole County, Fla., man's statue of a bare buttocks mooning his neighborhood led to his arrest after a neighbor called 911. "I opened the door and I said, 'By the way, the name of the sculpture is kiss my ass and you could just do it," the man told deputies when they tried to arrest him. With video.

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ABC's rapist doll gets the axe
Sacramento Bee | Submitted by: Mr. Ramon
"A doll likened after a soap opera character with an unsavory past has been pulled from ABC's online store. The doll, modeled after One Life To Live character Todd Manning, came with a menacing scar on his right cheek, which the character received after trying to rape a woman for the second time."

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Senior citizens to be fitted with tracking devices
Los Angeles Times | Submitted by: Walker LeRocke
The technology described in this article has terrifying implications. At first, only senior citizens will be implanted, but soon the chip will be inserted into anyone who is arrested under the guise of fighting crime (much like extracting DNA from felons). Then it will be "suggested" implants for the schoolchildren. This chip will blur the ethical boundaries of privacy and self sovereignty. But it may be a good time to invest in Applied Digital.

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Harrassment PennDOT Style
Pocono Record | Submitted by: Pete
"Denise Grabowski, a clerk at the office for more than 11 years, claims managers at the office on Route 611 propositioned her for sex and threw water on her to see her nipples get hard. She added that a fellow male worker chased her through the office brandishing a dildo, and others trapped her in a truck cab "subjecting her to a male farting session." Wait, wait... Grabowski?

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Naked performer to bleed for art
Times | Submitted by: Ogrish
"This time he will make an incision of up to 10cm across his stomach, causing a superficial wound, from which blood will trickle during the six hour "performance". A doctor will ensure that the wound does not heal until the show is over."

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