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May 03, 2002

Fifty five gallons of goat semen found
Daily Southtown | Submitted by: John
"The mysterious barrel was discovered Monday night by a passerby at the Arie Crown Woods near Countryside, Cook County Forest Preserve Lt. Michael Albrecht said... There was some conflicting information about what kind of semen was in the canister. Albrecht said police believe it was goat semen, but Swine Genetics only deals in pig semen. A worker at the company said the barrels are expensive, costing as much as $1,100, and they are often reused by farmers to ship other types of semen."

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Kinky Back Therapy
Los Angeles Times | Submitted by: Zircon
"Something just didn't look right about Anthony Wassif's chiropractic clinic in Commerce, city officials say. It was in an industrial area, and the only entrance was from a back alley. Inside were 12 private rooms, showers and video cameras. A sign at the front door advised clients not to submit to a police search unless the officers produced a warrant."

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As Always, "They were a quiet family". . .
WRAL-TV 5 Raleigh | Submitted by: nobody
Apparently two daughters took as good care of their father as they did the 68+ cats in his house. Downwind neighbors knew something was wrong, but nobody did anything until it got out of hand. Early reports say that over half of the cats will be put "down". Also found where two turtles whose claws where nearly an inch long. The turltes are fine now. No word on Dad.

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H'Angus monkey-mayor defeats Labour candidate
Times | Submitted by: Vanilla Thunder
"Labour was badly embarrassed today by its innovation of directly elected mayors, when the mascot for Hartlepool United Football Club was elected Mayor of the town. Mr Drummond said he remained committed to the policy of offering free bananas to local children, which was one of his best publicised policies."

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Giant cache of bottled human remains found
Times of India | Submitted by: Jim from Smith
Not only were several bottles filled with human remains found buried at a construction site, but the ever-gleeful Time of India seems to find the whole thing a lighthearted romp through the gruesome: "When the men went on a digging spree, they discovered hundreds of bottles of every size... containing skulls, lungs, hearts, livers, kidneys and yes, brains too. With enough blood spilling out of the bottles to make them scream in horror."

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Say it ain't so, Britney
New York Post | Submitted by: Flea
"Here's the shocking photo Britney Spears doesn't want her millions of teenybopper fans to see. It shows the blond pop tart [sic] with a cigarette in her hand as she relaxes on the balcony of her hotel room in Sydney, Australia... For years, the curvy singer has preached to her fans about the benefits of clean living - no sex before marriage, no boozing and no smoking." Has she now accomplished the trifecta?

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Man nails arm to wall
AAP | Submitted by: Mark Knipe
"WITH gaffer tape covering his eyes, Mike Parr today sat quietly as a man in builder's overalls nailed the performance artist's only arm to a wall. Barely a sound escaped Parr's lips as the long silver nail punctured his forearm before being driven into a stark white wall at Sydney's Artspace gallery at noon today."

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Killer tampon to give rapists the chop
Independent Online | Submitted by: Kiwi 1
"An anti-rape device invented by a retired anaesthetist in the Free State has appalled men and women - for different reasons. Jaap Haumann, 72, who farms near the small town of Clocolan, has designed a killer tampon which can lop off the end of a would-be rapist's penis... But women Saturday Argus spoke to found the idea of carrying a tampon timebomb absurd."

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Magic Marker is new weapon of terror
KDKA-TV 2 Pittsburgh | Submitted by: mikehall
A 11-year-old honor student was suspended for three days by her suburban Pittsburgh middle school for doodling two teachers with arrows through their heads. The sixth-grader said it was her way of "saying I'm angry" after she performed unusually poorly on a vocabulary test. School officials called the student's Magic Marker doodling "a terroristic threat." It's time for zero tolerance for any zero tolerance policy.

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European sex slaves
MSNBC | Submitted by: Godfather
"Forced to have sex with as many as 10 men every day, Olga and other women clandestinely interviewed by MSNBC as part of a four-month investigation into the sex trade in Europe, insisted that their real identities not be revealed. In Europe alone, officials estimate that more than 200,000 women and girls one-quarter of all women trafficked globally are smuggled out of Central and Eastern Europe and the former Soviet republics each year, the bulk of whom end up working as enslaved prostitutes."

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Man diced into tiny 2 inch chunks
Wire Services | Submitted by: RiversLQ
"A 25-year-old farm worker was killed in this southwest Washington town when he fell into a hay chopper... Nichols said it appeared that Sanchez Guerro was pulled headfirst into the chopper. Investigators were still trying to determine what happened; apparently, there were no witnesses."

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Top ten new copyright crimes
LawMeme | Submitted by: Soylent
"Jamie Kellner, chairman and CEO of Turner Broadcasting (an AOL Time Warner company), was recently interviewed on the future of television. In the interview, Mr. Kellner said some very interesting things, including characterizing those who skip television commercials as thieves." To help develop Mr. Kellner's unfortunately common (at least in Hollywood) view of copyright, LawMeme offers the top ten new copyright crimes, as well as further choice quotes and commentary from Mr. Kellner's interview."

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