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April 19, 2002

Suicide is painless
Japan Today | Submitted by: Ryano
"A man committed suicide by jumping into an engine of an Air China passenger plane prior to its departure from Kansai airport near Osaka on Thursday, breaking the engine and stopping the flight, airport police said... According to witnesses, the mechanic suddenly ran out and jumped into the engine as aircraft mechanics were standing in line and waving the plane off."

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Ahh-So! Velly Velly Sorry!
KGTV 10 San Diego | Submitted by: z0rak187
Abercrombie & Fitch has a new line of shirts out with such colorful lines as "Abercrombie and Fitch Buddha Bash -- Get Your Buddha on the Floor" and "Wong Brothers Laundry Service - Two Wongs can make it white." The shirts were apparently yanked today, so don't bother goin' down to the mall to replace your "Tommy Redneck" tees. The best line in the story is "We personally thought Asians would love this T-shirt," said Hampton Carney, a spokesman for the company. Yeah, the slanty-eyed, pointy hat wearin', bad engrish speakin', vapidly smiling caricature is OH so flattering.

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More than one way to skin a cat
Canoe | Submitted by: Pandora
"For 15 minutes, the men and one other, who remains at large, hung a cat by its neck from a telephone cord, slit its throat, stabbed, kicked and skinned it. They then plucked out its eye with a dental tool and ripped off its ear with a pair of pliers." Judge Ormston didn't impose the most severe sentence, because he said, "There are worse ways that this cat could have died."

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Glue Attack Nightmare
This Is Brighton and Hove | Submitted by: LadyC
"A woman has described how a gang of teenage muggers glued an empty mango chutney jar to her hand... She said: "I thought he was going to punch me in the face so I just gritted my teeth. I put my hand up to my face because I could see something in his hand. I thought he had burnt me with a cigarette because I felt my hand burning. I kicked out at him."

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Student strips to protest preaching
Western Front | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
"Western student Matt Russell stripped down to his underwear and socks Thursday in Red Square, holding a sign that read, "This guy gave me a great blowjob." Russell's sign referred to the evangelist he was standing next to, George Smock, who has been preaching in Red Square since Tuesday. "I got out of class and saw him," Russell said. "Then I went and bought a marker and poster board and took off my clothes."

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Inmate sues prison system over sex slavery
Houston Chronicle | Submitted by: anonymous
"According to the complaint, Johnson appeared before the prison unit's all-white classification committee seven times asking to be placed in safe keeping from predatory prisoners. Instead of protecting Johnson, the lawsuit charges, the committee members taunted him and told him he needed to learn to fight."

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It's quite acceptable to call a bitch a skank
Wire Services | Submitted by: anonymous
Jennifer Seelig, a San Francisco local loser, was called a "chicken butt" and a "skank" by a couple of DJ's after she refused to appear on their show after competing for "Who wants to marry a Millionaire loser". The court affirmed her skank-ness, upholding the use of the terms.

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Officers lose machine gun on way to gun safety class
Wire Services | Submitted by: AJB
"Two police officers in town from Raleigh to teach a gun course lost a submachine gun and a handgun out of the back of their pickup truck. They couldn't find the weapons, but commuters did... After they arrived, they realized that two bags of gear were missing from the back of their pickup. The bags held one MP-5 submachine gun, one handgun, several spare magazines, notebooks and other supplies for the class."

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Courtney Love's sanity questioned
E! | Submitted by: Dustin Prewitt
"In court papers filed last week in Seattle, surviving Nirvana rockers Dave Grohl and Krist Novoselic have asked a judge to order the former Mrs. Kurt Cobain to undergo a psychiatric exam. And do it before June 1, no less. Grohl and Novoselic aren't just being curious (Is she or isn't she...?). They're just getting down and dirty in the ongoing battle [of wits and greed] over control of the Nirvana legacy."

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Bavarians attack perverse gas station ads
Der Spiegel | Submitted by: Edmund Stoiber
The Catholic right is up in arms in the southern German state of Bavaria over an ad campaign by Jet gas stations. The caption in the ad says "Fill up cheaper. Have money left for condoms." over a picture of an ugly looking couple with several ugly, yellow toothed, pale sick-looking kids. "It's a sign of the latent anti-child tendencies in our society", says the Minister for families of the Bavarian government, who adds, "This advert is perverse". Who said the Germans have no humour? Article in German but accompanied by picture.

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