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February 14, 2002

Doctor claims he is treating Elvis
KETV 7 | Submitted by: CrazyCat
"A Kansas City-area psychiatrist claims that he is treating Elvis Presley for migraine headaches, affilliate TV station KMBC-TV in Kansas City reported. Elvis lives and still sings, but he no longer shakes his hips because he is old now and has arthritis, Dr. Donald Hinton said. 'I hear from him on a regular basis. ... On Sunday, it was by phone,' Hinton said. 'I'm treating Elvis Aaron Presley, the entertainer, (whom) everybody believes died in 1977.'"

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Dogs fucking on TV
Ad Age | Submitted by: Soylent
"A local TV public service announcement showing two dogs having sex has kicked up a controversary in Charlotte, N.C. Rejected by CBS affiliate WBTV, the PSA began running on local Fox affiliate WCCB last week." Article comes with Realmedia video. The best part is actually the accompanying porno music soundtrack. I'm hard now.

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Hitler Sekretary Kaput
CNN | Submitted by: Nox
"I admit, I was fascinated by Adolf Hitler. He was a pleasant boss and a fatherly friend. I deliberately ignored all the warning voices inside me and enjoyed the time by his side almost until the bitter end. It wasn't what he said, but the way he said things and how he did things."

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Jihad for Kids
WTVT | Submitted by: Toxic Roach
"Oh sing my sister constantly about my life as a suicide warrior... I foresee my death, but I march quickly. Am I afraid? Life has little value because I'm returning to my lord and my people will know I am a hero... I will come at the time of drought with my best efforts bring a machine gun, violence anger, anger, anger..."

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A lunar plot for Valentine's Day
Associated Press | Submitted by: Soylent
"Dragan, 31, a former advertising executive, is authorized by the U.S. based Lunar Embassy to sell a plot of 177 acres for $49, half the average monthly salary in Romania. The lunar real estate business began to really take off in 1996, when Lunar Embassy -- founded by Dennis Hope, a Nevada entrepreneur -- claimed to have found a loophole in the 1967 U.N. Outer Space Treaty that lets him legally sell pieces of the moon."

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Hot lesbian 3-way with Coach
Southwest Florida Herald Tribune | Submitted by: Sweet-P
HS Coach at Center of Teen Lesbian Love Triangle: 17-Year-Old Finds Out Assistant Basketball Coach Was Cheating on Her With 15-Year-Old: "We hate each other, with a passion!" Two high school girls told investigators the same story of first love that turned to betrayal when they found out they were dating the same woman, 26-year old high school coach Jennifer Brooks.

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Limp Bizkit finding new ways to suck
Blabbermouth | Submitted by: Squirreled
Limp Bizkit is pioneering new and innovative ways to suck, far and above their uninspired musicmaking: "This contract basically said that if you play, you must sign the contract. Okay. No big deal here either. So I keep reading it. An interesting note. Anything you play canNOT be copyrighted, and can be used by Limp Bizkit in audio, video, or recorded form of any sort. Other big words which basically translated to the fact that if you play something, they are fully authorized to steal it and use it on a CD. The artist agrees to zero compensation and zero rights over the track, and will get their name in the liner notes 'if possible'."

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