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January 29, 2002

The Case of the Laxative Laced Brownies
Associated Press | Submitted by: Rio
A man who ate some special-recipe "Ex-Lax" brownies is suing a coworker who laced them. Someone was stealing lunches from the refrigerator, so the tasty treats were left in a box lunch. Then someone got to them, and one John Anthony Senior claims he found them on a plate in the center of the breakroom. Yeah, right. But on the bright side, nobody is stealing lunches any more.

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Jesus on Milwaukee tree
The Milwaukee Channel | Submitted by: z0rak187
Jesus, with nothing better to do, appeared in a woman's tree sometime around December. There's video of it, but it's been "computer traced" so who knows what it actually looks like. You can only apparently see it when it is overcast and you've been spinning around in your desk chair for an hour or so, or you're seriously hopped up on herbals.

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Child poisons family
Africa Online | Submitted by: Africa Online
"A nine-year-old boy from Pretoria nearly wiped out his entire family, including his 90-year-old grandmother and two visiting family friends, when he served them tea laced with the notorious "Gabose", or rat poison last week, reports City Press. Father says: "I was surprised when the doctor told us we had been poisoned. I initially suspected my wife; I never thought it would be my son."

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Disney in deep shit over Pooh
New York Post | Submitted by: Soylent
Disney is a company that forces its abuse of the concept of copyright through the U.S. Congress so that it can continue to profit from works that should have long entered the public domain. Now, the estate of the party who licensed Pooh to Disney is suing over breach of contract to re-obtain the rights to the Winnie the Pooh character. Says Disney's attorney: "That is a completely false and irresponsible accusation. This case is only about whether or not additional royalties are owed. Not for one second do the Slesingers have any chance under the law to get back any rights." These "rights" rightfully belong to the American public: the original story being Copyright 1926, should have fallen into the public domain twenty-two years ago. A full one fourth of Disney's massive revenue thus depends on rights they have no moral entitlement to.

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Man lost in hospital for one month: dead
Vancouver Sun | Submitted by: Juno
"The body of Allen Goulding, a lifelong Vancouver resident [and missing for an entire month within Vancouver Hospital], was found in an isolated room at about 4:30 Monday during a second sweep of the hospital. The first search last month didn't find the body in an area off-limits to patients. The senior had wandered off from a stretcher in the hallway of the emergency department, not to be seen again."

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DNA testing found disruptive
USA Today | Submitted by: Soylent
Inmate is convicted when DNA evidence was inconclusive, and now wants retesting because improved technology might prove he didn't do it. But a court is disallowing that, on the grounds that it might be disruptive to an "already valid judgement". By disruptive they mean "an innocent man might go free", of course. "This evidence was already subjected to DNA testing using the best technology available. Establishing a constitutional due process right to re-test evidence with each forward step in forensic science would leave perfectly valid judgments in a perpetually unsettled state."

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Murder House
San Francisco Chronicle | Submitted by: Deth Vegetable
"The house had the kind of history that few home buyers can stomach, and it showed. We've all heard gruesome tales of cat pee or purple walls, but I venture that few homes can compare to the house on Glen Park hill, an illegal drugstore/porn-video set/S&M dungeon with the gracious moniker Mastertouch."

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