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December 12, 2001

Area 51 guards on strike
Associated Press | Submitted by: Reid Fleming
Complaining of low pay and compulsory overtime since the September 11 attacks, scores of highly classified rent-a-cops went on the picket line. After three months of failed negotiations with EG&G Technical Services Inc., more than 70 security guards went on strike early Monday at the company's offices in Las Vegas and at various "remote test locations." EG&G supplies private security officers for the Department of Defense, apparently including the secret facility known as Area 51 in Groom Lake, Nevada.

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Amputation fad growing
Atlantic Monthly | Submitted by: Useless
"Smith had amputated the legs of two patients at their request, and he was planning to carry out a third amputation when the trust that runs his hospital stopped him. These patients were not physically sick. Their legs did not need to be amputated for any medical reason. Nor were they incompetent, according to the psychiatrists who examined them. They simply wanted to have their legs cut off." [Similar to arguing a right to suicide, one can argue a right to self-modification, even the extreme.]

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Tune embryos at designer baby clinic
BBC | Submitted by: Brian Thompson
Does your baby need a kidney? Now, a clinic in London may soon be able to filter out your unwanted embryos in favor of one that is able to provide a donor kidney. Since only a percentage of siblings are capable of organs that aren't rejected, this process weeds out the embryos which the immune system of your existing [slightly irregular] baby would reject.

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Merry Christmas from your local death squad
Reuters | Submitted by: eoinmonkey
A an outlawed Columbian Paramilitary organisation, or "Death Squad" in common parlance, has joined the ranks of pathetic Office bosses everywhere and sent an Electronic Greetings card to its employees, wishing them a happy slaughtering season. One question; If all these guys are Columbian, why is their angel a little BLOND girl?

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Bulgarian news topless, bottomless
Sydney Morning Herald | Submitted by: Ross
Bulgarian news programming has taken a turn for the worst, or perhaps for the better. "We carefully selected the girls so that they are intelligent and not vulgar. We rejected any candidates with experience in striptease bars. [Note: Those are the best ones.] We want to show average Bulgarian girls, and not sex bombs." But at what price credibility?

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Hamas suicide school for kids
New York Post | Submitted by: Soylent
Is the waiting list for your local preschool too long? Perhaps you can consider sending your child to an alternative institution: "He and other kids - as young as 4 and no older than 8 - are fitted with fake explosives as they are taught how to become suicidal terrorists by members of the Palestinian terror group Hamas."

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The probable 9-11 mastermind
Insight | Submitted by: Angry Dan
"He has blown up U.S. embassies and car-bombed a U.S. military barracks. He has hijacked U.S. commercial airliners and murdered Americans. He has kidnapped and tortured a top CIA officer and vowed through terror to drive the United States from his country. Do you know who he is? If you guessed Osama bin Laden, you're wrong. The correct answer is Imad Fayez Mugniyeh."

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