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December 05, 2001

Man throws semen at shoppers
Youngstown Vindicator | Submitted by: DanJ
A man armed with semen-filled 35mm film canisters threw semen on at least six women at a local shopping mall and Home Depot and Kmart. The attacks were caught on videotape surveillance between August 4 and November 21. If test results for HIV and other communicable diseases come back positive, the man could be charged with a felony; if not, a misdemeanor. According to a local police chief, "Some of the women are very angry."

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Pants down, but still armed and ready
News Channel 5 | Submitted by: crazyguy
The good news is that Tennessee park ranger Anthony Griffin was able to shoot a man who tried to pull him out of his car, in an attempted carjacking. The bad news is that Griffin was partially out of uniform, had just dropped off a prostitute, and is now on administrative leave.

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Human parts for sale
All Africa | Submitted by: useless
"Why all the hues and cries about the discovery of human skulls in possession of a man? It is no news that human parts are being sold in Lagos markets. The business has been on for over 20 years. Why all these hullabaloo about the arrest of somebody with human heads?"

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The Fighting Sioux
National Post | Submitted by: sweet P
The University North Dakota Fighting Sioux hockey team is under fire from Native American groups ("prairie niggers") over their team name. A large donation by Ralph Engelstad is contingent on the team keeping the moniker. "Mr. Engelstad's past fuels the determination of the anti-name crusaders. In addition to Hitler birthday parties, Mr. Engelstad's casino also once held a secret shrine to the Nazis, according to a 1989 investigation by the Nevada Gaming Commission. The room had flags and cars that once belonged to Hitler as well as matching paintings of Mr. Engelstad and Hitler in uniform. A caption said: To Ralph, from Adolf, 1938."

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SonicBlue claiming digital VCR patents
The Register | Submitted by: Soylent
The company that markets the ReplayTV device is claiming patents on the obvious invention of the computer-as-VCR. These are similar patents to those owned by TiVo, which are equally bogus. Alarmingly, in recent years the patent office has been granting numerous software and technological patents not based on the implementation of devices, but on the ideas the devices represent. This is a fundamental misinterpretation of what patents are supposed to be about. What results are patent claims that stop any instantiation of the idea, and not the actual invention itself. Yes, the circuit and design used should be patentable. But not the idea.

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Journal wants to un-publish article
Observer | Submitted by: Soylent
An article published by a scientific journal comes to the conclusion that the genetics of Jews and Palestinians are virtually indistinguishable. The journal accepted, and published the article. Now it wants to take it back, after complaints about its political slant. "The article has been removed from Human Immunology's website, while letters have been written to libraries and universities throughout the world asking them to ignore or 'preferably to physically remove the relevant pages'. Arnaiz-Villena has been sacked from the journal's editorial board."

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U.S. to annex Canada
Canadian Broadcasting | Submitted by: Trashcan Man
Canada is surrendering control over who enters their territory to the United States, under an agreement signed this week. The U.S. will be able to deny entry to people or groups of people (such as entire nations) to its northern neighbor, in exchange for economic cooperation. "If there's an embargo against that country, Canada will have to share in that embargo. We will have no distinct foreign policy." Suckers walk, money talks.

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