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November 13, 2001

Airport censorship
Bergen Record | Submitted by: Nyar
"There was a small commotion when a security guard walked in and switched the television from news accounts of the crash to a closed circuit feed of 'American Bandstand' reruns. Patrons were very angry, but the guard said they were not allowed to watch the news of an air crash. As soon as he left, they switched back to the news."

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Capitol police anthrax hoax
Washington Post | Submitted by: Zoginda
The U.S. Capitol Police have suspended one of their own for leaving a white powdery substance and an anthrax note at a House of Representatives building. Apparently there is low morale in the force due to poor "work environment", which is not altogether unsurprising, considering they have to be around Congressmen all day.

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Kenyan God smites humanity
BBC | Submitted by: powdekegz
God has come again, this time in the form of a poor Kenyan. No, really. Just ask him. He enjoys smiting humanity with AIDS, having sex, 25 wives, 95 kids, and blackmailing the local authorities-- "If the Kenyan Government does not give me 3 billion shillings I will bring a curse on Kenyans", he warns. If only we could all be God, it would surely fix everything.

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Money or it blows
CNN Europe | Submitted by: mentat777
Factory workers in France are threatening to blow up their factory unless they receive better "redundancy pay" after the company they work for was bought out. About fifty conspirators are involved in the diabolical plan, in which numerous explosive charges were planted on the roof of the facility. "Money or it blows. That's the message."

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Black market nukes pricing guide
Reuters | Submitted by: Soylent
"A Pakistani journalist who interviewed Osama bin Laden last week said on Monday the Saudi-born dissident had told him nuclear arms could be bought on the central Asian black market for $10 million to $20 million."

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Is that a pipe bomb or are you happy to see me
Toronto Star | Submitted by: Soylent
"Stuck to a 10-inch plastic pipe and covered in black electrical tape, the device sure looked like a pipe bomb. Especially since a little remote control was attached to it by a thin wire." Mmm-hmm. A Swedish Erotica pipe bomb is the surest way to an explosion of love. Evacuate!

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Get spored by homeland security lingo
Washington Post | Submitted by: Soylent
With all the verbing of nouns going on in the media, it's almost as if Alexander Haig has returned from the dead. [Wait, he's still alive?] "Has there ever been such a concentrated injection of war-spawned newspeak as that acquired in the past six weeks? It's as if our whole center of gravity has been impacted by a bunker-buster and suffered collateral damage."

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